Do you believe you spoil an infant?

[Phoebe]

One of my pet peeves is when people say to you when you baby is crying, "Boy, she's not happy!" Do you think I don't realize that my baby is unhappy? Then when I pick her up and she stops crying. I hear, "Oh that baby is spoiled." Come on, she is only 4 months old.

Do you really think you can spoil an infant? My OB nurse told me in the hospital, you can't spoil a baby until they can say the name of the stores (or something along those lines).

My ILs are here and the baby has been her normal self and not sleeping and being fussy from being so tired. She is always happy being held and moving around. My ILs keep commenting on how spoiled she is. Why should I care what they say? Only because I am uncomfortable that I can't soothe my baby or that she doesn't sleep well. It is draining for me. I do let her cry and I am not always holding her. It is more uncomfortable to let her cry when someone is always commenting on how unhappy she is or oh the baby is crying again.

Talk about spoiling. My MIL is the one who wants to take my kids to the store to buy them a toy only one month after she gave them 8 or 9 presents for Christmas. Do they need any more toys that they will forget about in a week?

[Meenah]

Ignore her, follow your instincts, and do what you want. If you need to, tell her (in case she is too stupid to know) you are the Mom, not her.

Re: Do you believe you spoil an infant?

Talk about spoiling. My MIL is the one who wants to take my kids to the store to buy them a toy only one month after she gave them 8 or 9 presents for Christmas. Do they need any more toys that they will forget about in a week?

You've got your answer right there. Clearly this is a woman who can't just be helpful, or just get the hell out of the way. Try (I know it's hard) to just "consider the source".

No - you can't spoil a baby. YES - you can spoil 3 and 4 year olds (and your MIL is by trying to buy their affection).

How would she respond to something along the lines of "That's not really helpful. You could either offer to hold the baby or walk the baby or simply choose to be quiet, but making snide comments isn't productive at all."

I finally found that *politely* saying "knock it off" to my in-laws works best (in most situations ).

Can you spoil an infant? Heck NO. I held my first DD constantly and my second DD has spent about 75% of her life in my Ergo carrier. Your MIL sounds like a real pill.

Jennifer -- Evelyn is fussy and by "fussy" I mean she likes to scream. If I didn't hold her, I would lose my mind as would the other two kids (not to mention that I do not think comforting her = spoiling). So if I am spoiling her, so be it.

If she doesn't like it maybe she should go home early.

[migirl]

I think you're doing a great job, but that's because I do the same thing.

ITA. I don't think there's ANY WAY you could spoil an infant, especially one who just wants to be held and cuddled. I STILL hold and carry Jack A LOT, even though he's perfectly capable of getting around by himself. He just has times when he wants to be held or carried by me, and I do it knowing that he's going to want this less and less as he gets older. (Of course I only have the one kiddo, that probably makes it easier for me to indulge his every whim. )

I think you're doing great, don't listen to your MIL or anyone else who hassles you about it. Listen to your instincts and do what feels right to you.

[spotty_dog]

My pediatrician hands out a sheet at every visit detailing developmental expectations and caregiving advice. The one for two months through four months explicitly states, "You cannot spoil a baby at this age."

But, I don't think you can spoil a baby at any age by holding and cuddling. You can give a child too much stuff, but you can never give them too much love.

It does get annoying though. My childless friend was in the car the other day when Edward was screaming bloody murder in his car seat, he usually loves riding in the car but this had that edge of pure unadulterated emotion, I didn't know if it was pain or exhaustion or what but it had me on a razor's edge as I drove. My friend said, "Does he want attention?" Misunderstanding, I said, "Well, yeah, a few cuddles would probably help him a lot right now but I can't cuddle him from the driver's seat!" After we stopped he calmed down right before I got him out of his seat and my friend said to the baby, "Well, after all that you didn't get any attention for it!" Uh, right, like a 3 month old is manipulative enough to leave himself drenched with sweat screaming "for attention"? Puh-lease.

Anyway. Sorry for the hijack.

[Michele]

I read that babies can't be 'spoiled' until they can be manipulative (I think it was in a Dr. Sears book).

A lot of people tell me I spoil Daegan...even the neo in the NICU said I was spoiling him b/c I sat with him for a couple of hours each day rocking him. Russ initially thought it was 'spoiling,' but now has changed his tune completely! He sees the way Daegan is compared to other babies...he rarely fusses (except for reflux)....and I think it's because he knows I'm there. I hold him almost all day...he's starting to want to be down more and so I try to respond to what he wants....but he's usually in my arms or the wrap.

And for sleeping well....Daegan only sleeps well at night...I still haven't been able to figure out how this 'nap' thing is supposed to work. He'll sleep in the wrap, on me, and occ in the car seat....but they aren't long naps <1hr.....unless I sleep in bed with him....up to 3 hours, but I have to be there the whole time.

I'm really trying to respond to what Daegan wants/needs....and he's in no way being 'manipulative' to get my attention/affection.

Since I need to leave him at daycare I've been trying to let him be more independent...but not if he fusses/cries....only if he's content.

My response to 'spoil' comments : You can't spoil a baby. And then
I walk away...even if the conversation wasn't over. I think I'm going to start adding "with love" now to the end....Thanks Alison!


You are a great mom as evidenced by the two great girls you already have!!! Tyler's got it good!!

[Phoebe]

I probably sound a little anxious about parenting. Normally, I am pretty laid back. Although every child is different, this baby has thrown me for a loop. Plus, my MIL drives my blood pressure up.

[Michele]

Plus, my MIL drives my blood pressure up.

No further explanation necessary!!!! I didn't even make it 3 days with mine before I had a meltdown.

Oh an my sis teaches grades 3-5 and has a group of 'standers.' They're the kids who can't sit still....so they stand at their desks to work. I (obviously don't teach and) never would have thought about allowing that. She says it makes everyone happy. Oh and they don't really just stand...most bounce a little and move a bit, but she gives them a 'zone.'

[alison]

I beg to differ. You CAN spoil a baby:

http://www.bugaboo.com/us/us

Is there a reason for why this costs almost $1000?!

[spotty_dog]

Oh dear me. I think that's spoiling the parents.

[SuzySunshine]

These probably spoil the parents as well, but I want one.

http://www.stokkeusa.com/xplory.htm

http://www.orbitbaby.com/products/index.html

:!

I've used one of those strollers and I don't get the hype. It was very nice but not that nice. Maybe I missed out on something. Anna preferred to walk along next to it.

[alison]

I can't find any good pictures of German strollers where there's an umbrella, UV ray protection screen, rain cover, and mosquito net. The tiny baby is covered in a down blanket that is about 6" thick. I'm not kidding. It's ridiculous. German babies are spoiled. Hands down.

p.s. Are you selling your Bugaboo, Nellie?