Co-Sleeping

[Gwendolyn]

I might be opening a can of worms here, but....

DS slept with us until he was about 9 mo. Then slept happily in his crib until he moved into his big boy bed. Now he is in the habit of going to sleep in his own bed and then coming to our bed around 3:00a or so. I don't have a problem with this, really. And frankly, I have been so tired that the idea of getting out of bed and taking DS back to his bed, settling him in etc...is beyond me right now. If it were up to DH James would just sleep with us, but I think it is important that he feel safe and comfortable in his own space....that aside, with a new one on the way...James in our bed will not be safe. I know we will have the new one with us in bed again for a while, so...

I am worried that this will make DS feel displaced and rejected. I have started working on putting him back in his bed, hoping that 8 months is enough lead time, but we were never successful, really getting DS to stay in his own bed all night, and I think that if he knows the baby is in there, he will understand that he is the only one in the family not in the bed...

With DS we used a co-sleeping tray that we could place between DH and me. It was self-contained and portable. I have considered the co-sleeper that attaches to the side of the bed so that DS could sleep in the middle if it comes to that, but there is nothing guaranteeing DS won't end up over there. I know it is so early to start agonizing, but I can't help it

Bring on the ideas...I can take it

[Flynn]

I'm not a fan of co-sleeping -- that's no surprise to those of you who have been here for a while. I have used it in a pinch -- basically travelling. Nuf said there.

I will say that any healthy changes you can make in your family prior to adding another baby is a GOOD THING. Adding a baby to a household is challenging in the best of circumstances. Making a 3 year old sleep in his own bed for the whole night (if this is what you would prefer) is completely reasonable.

I think your instincts are saying to you "nip this in the bud" before baby comes. Eight months is plenty of time to get DS used to sleeping in his bed for the whole night. He won't even notice baby is with you if he is asleep and happy in his own room. It will be a non-issue.

So my vote is get up, walk him back to bed, comfort him and leave him in his room! The sacrifice now will completely pay off in the long run. Make DH participate too!!!

But really....I don't have a strong opinion on this topic!!!

[Michele]

One of the moms I met here had the same problem when she brought a new baby home....how could she have the older brother be the only one in another room?? So she set up his bed in their room....the baby got the adult bed, but the older brother still got to be in the same room....when the baby grew up and she has another little one...the older brother and older sister sleep on a mattress on the floor in their room and the new baby gets the bed with the parents. It's working for them. The older brother is now about 5 and he's wanting to sleep on his own in his own room now....so he's transitioning himself.

I was a scaredy-cat kid and so I always wound up in my parents bed/room...my mom didn't like it, but really I just wanted to feel safe...so I think I will be more lenient with that....however, Russ really likes his own space. Maybe we'll have a big enough house someday that Russ can have his own room....complete with a bed, computer...his own little sanctuary that he can retreat to....maybe . I can dream.

DS slept in his bed until 11 months, then he got sick, and then sicker with his chest and I guess it was me who moved him into our bed so I keep an eye on his breathing and I got more sleep having him close rathre than waking and going in to check him, now he sleeps in his bed until 3am and then comes into me but will have to start transitioning him back to his bed before DF moves home and baby arrives. I do love having him there but 3 in a bed let alone 4 is just tooover crowded and would like him to feel comfortable and safe in his own bed.

[spotty_dog]

I like the idea of James having his own little bed to use when he needs to come to your room in the night.

I use a co-sleeper sidecar bassinet and I love it. DS hardly has to stir and I am awake and can judge whether he needs something or is going back to sleep. Yet I can sleep soundly in any position and take up my full half of the bed, without worrying about where he is in relation to me and DH (who doesn't always follow safe co-sleeping practices, even though he really likes having the baby between us when we fall asleep). If DS is particularly noisy and threatening to wake DH I can always bring him into bed to nurse while I lie on my side and catch some shut-eye. The way the bassinet attaches to the bed, even the pets know it's a separate entity and don't hang out in there; I don't think it's likely that somebody would wiggle over in the night.

[madeintaiwan]

DS co-slept with us until a few months before DD was born. He was 3 years and 9 months when she was born. We definitely wanted to make sure that he was completely out of our bed before DD arrived. We started a contract and it began with starting bedtime in his bed then increased to staying in longer and longer until the sun came up and finally until the clock said 700. Luckily he really took to it and we started it right when we found out we were expecting. DD still co-sleeps tho she started out in a co-sleeper attached to our bed and made her way into our bed around 9 months. I know that co-sleeping isn't for everyone but I breastfeed my kids for awhile (DS was 2.5 years and DD was 22 months) and I can not function without sleep. I am sure that DD will get the boot in the next year or so.

I am not a fan of co-sleeping (in our house) for an infant. We sleep with LOTS of pillows and blankets and it wouldn't be safe. NOW, however, Quinn is in bed w/me every night from about midnight on. I would have the same worries you do.

I suggest talking up the difference between "big boy" and the "baby" (when you decide to tell him). That is one way the boys have decided to do what bigger kids do. If it continues, the extra bed is an option (depending on the size of your room). Or, I agree about the co-sleeper sidecar thing. I don't see James trying to take that over in the middle of the night.

where can i get a co-sleeping side car attachment thingy? there are not availible here and will get DF to bring one home as I'm planning to breast feed and the only way i can see it working out is if I have one of these, i'm another one who cannot do sleep deprivation!

[Michele]

We have the Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper....I got it from Target on-line. I think they have a weight limit and I wonder how safe it will be when Daegan can 'climb.' But for now I love it!

[madeintaiwan]

I have the Universal Co-Sleeper by arm's reach. It was pretty expensive but as co-sleeper it goes up to 30lbs and as a play pen it goes up to 50 lbs. I am not sure which stores carry it, we got ours on-line. I love it.

[Sheherezade]

Co-sleeping house here. We didn't even bother setting up the crib for DD; we never ended up using it with our son.

We went with the king sized bed at this point. I set up a baby rail on my side of the bed and I would place DD next to me and the rail. DS - if he came in - would climb in on Daddy's side. Either way, he was well away from baby. There wasn't a lot of sleeping during that phase of our lives, with DH in residency and me with 2 little ones. I doubt we slept for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch.

They were all out of our bed and in their own rooms by 4 - and they never came back. All and all, I wish I hadn't worried about it. They developed fine. Do what works for your family. A co-sleeper on your side would approximate what I did - without the need for the vast mattress.

Ditto Angie! Cosleeping here. . .we worked a LOT on having DD1 in her bed for the entire night before baby arrived. We did expect some setbacks (which of course happened!) when baby arrived. She came into our room screaming the night we brought DD2 home. In the early months, DH would basically sleep in DD1's room with her so that we didn't have to worry about 4 cosleeping in the bed together. Now that DD2 is big (almost 1!), DD1 sleeps in her bed for the entire night (most nights barring sickness, dreams, etc) and if she does come into our bed, it is (from left to right): Bed Rail, DD2, me, DD1, DH One big happy family!

Just do what you need to do and don't worry about anyone's thoughts. I didn't intend on cosleeping again with DD2 but I needed sleep to function during the day.

[Malpka]

Co-sleeping house here. We didn't even bother setting up the crib for DD; we never ended up using it with our son.

We went with the king sized bed at this point. I set up a baby rail on my side of the bed and I would place DD next to me and the rail. DS - if he came in - would climb in on Daddy's side. Either way, he was well away from baby. There wasn't a lot of sleeping during that phase of our lives, with DH in residency and me with 2 little ones. I doubt we slept for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch.

They were all out of our bed and in their own rooms by 4 - and they never came back. All and all, I wish I hadn't worried about it. They developed fine. Do what works for your family. A co-sleeper on your side would approximate what I did - without the need for the vast mattress.

Exactly the same here. More of a survival mechanism for a very low sleep household than a parenting philosophy. I just seperated the two kids with my body in one fashion or another. We had firm mattress, no fluffy bedding, and all that outher safety jazz. My kids also nurse a lot at night, and if I did not have to get "up" out of bed, I felt a lot less cheated in the sleep department and a lot more sane the next day.

DS is in the process of getting accustomed to his own bed now, and I think he will be soldily sleeping solo in the next couple of weeks before baby #3 arrives.

My DH is more of a gung-ho cosleepr than anyone else. I think he feels like he is still spending time with them, even if they were asleep when he got home and asleep when he left.


I have on of those arms reach co-sleepers. I use it for when the baby is napping solo. I wish it made the baby at the same level as the matress (as I thought it did when I purchased it online), but it doesn't. I think a pack-n-play with a sleeper thingie in it could serve the same purpose really and would be a little more versatile.

[Flynn]

Okay - I HAVE to ask....do people here on this site choose co-sleep out of survival instinct and convenience which equals more sleeping hours for a nursing mom --- OR because they really want baby close...bonding...nursing in bed is intimate an special...etc. No fair picking both -- choose the main reason they decided to co-sleep.

It's hard to get my vibe through this forum...but I'm really just asking!!! PROMISE!!!!!!! 8)

[Phoebe]

I have coslept more with each child. My answer to Flynn's question is survival and to get the baby to sleep. OUr 4 month old hardly sleeps at all and the only way that I can get her down during the day is to lay down with her. Most of the time, I don't sleep but I may doze off for a few minutes.

At night we coslept for a while and I would do it when DH wasn't home. Within a few months, the kids always slept in their own beds and may come in once in a while when they are scared.