Co-Sleeping

[Michele]

I chose it for bonding/baby being close and snuggly. My decision was made *before* Daegan was born and stuck in the NICU so it wasn't based on feeling like I missed precious time....of course that added to it afterwards. I told Russ it was b/c of nursing convenience though since he couldn't understand the emotional bonding reason.

Sorry, Flynn. . .I might have to answer both!

Initially, I definitely chose to cosleep out of survival instinct. Both of my daughters were/are avid nursers and I just couldn't deal with the waking, walking over to the glider and nursing, putting them back down and holding my breath so that they don't wake up and make me start the entire process over again. I caved at about 4 days with my first daughter and I actually made it 4 months with my second daughter! (I had 100% honest intentions of NOT cosleeping with her!) I just became worn out and she started nursing more. I wasn't going to nurse her less so she ended up in the bed. Unless she has a particularly bad night, I feel pretty darn good and rested in the morning.

Now why I have to answer both? Because after you do it for a few weeks, you do start to love the snuggle. So it becomes a "bad" habit that is very hard to break. I love it when both of them are in our bed asleep. . .it's almost like I can finally turn my Mommy worryometer off for awhile and just rest.

[DCJenn]

Day One: we arrived home from Dulles airport with two wired people - mommy and baby. Nobody slept. We tried everything walking, rocking, putting him in bed w/ us- (after I had realized that he was also teething and medicated accordingly). Nothing. Nada.

We were zombies. My parents came back over and my mom looked at me straight in the eye and said, "he has to sleep in his own bed because you are horrible with no sleep." and she was right.

I would have kicked Rick to the floor the first night if it had meant that I cold have gotten a full night's sleep. and i probably would have put Nikolai, the dog and all three cats with him.

Nikolai has had zero interest in sleeping with us- he doesn't even really like snuggling under blankies on the couch ("no mommy, I too hot."). I guess after you spend 13 months sharing a crib with two to three other babies, once you get your own bed you don't look back. His first month with us we'd put him down and he'd do a 'snow angel' move and then giggle when he didn't hit anyone else.

Jenn

DH hates it (he's a pediatrician). I co-slept with our 4 kids and for our 5th child we inherited a mini cosleeper. I love it, mostly for the nursing convenience. The only thing I hate about the cosleeper is that I can't snuggle next to baby. But, we had to have it because our other 4 kids come to our bed and we only have a queen-size. As a matter of fact, DH & I recently got into an argument about cosleeping and how much he hates that our kids, especially DS#1 and DD#3 come to our bed. I told him that if he doesn't like it then he'll have to be responsible about getting them out. What do you think happened? The first few days he brought them back to their beds when they came over. He has, since, caved and lets them sleep with us again. The way I look at it, in the big scheme of things, this time of cuddling is so short and I'll take advantage of the time. In the not-so-distant future, they may not want to cuddle anymore.

[Momo]

It only took my waking up to faint noises , which turned out to be my tiny little DS struggling under his completely zonked out father's arm/side of chest ...I screamed @ DH & shoved him off, practically giving him an MI ...anyway from there on out it was all about the bassinet/ portable crib next to the bed w/in my arms reach. All of our kids, for one reason or another, have ocassionally slept in our bed , thankfully it wasn't habit forming!

[Vanquisher]

I would pick mainly for survival, I guess. It was the only way I could sleep. DS spent longer in our bed than DD. She was on her own pretty early.

I did it until they could sleep through the night. DD was in a basinette by our bed a lot. DS was right in the bed with us. Both are still alive and breathing!

[migirl]

I, too, did it mainly for survival and more sleep. Before DS was born I had a list of things I would never do as a parent ( to that, by the way!). Anyway, co-sleeping was definitely high on the list but after our first week home I just couldn't handle it anymore and we co-slept for 4 months. I think the added snuggle and physical closeness were just a side benefit.

[Gwendolyn]

It was on my list too...but trying to do grad school while DH was interviewing and the like...survival, for me. DH is more of the emotional snuggly need. I think DH feels it is part of the only time he has to be close to James. So I had to take the initiative to get DS into his crib at 9 mo. and now have done all of the work trying to keep him in his bed. DH never latched on so I pumped that first year...it wasn't really convenience, because I still had to get up in the middle of the night and pump, but DH could give DS a bottle while I pumped and it didn't kill too much of his sleep time. It sounds like a pack and play at the side of the bed it the way to go...I just hope I still have the infant attachment....

[Flynn]

WOW!

I asked because I feel like sometimes I am so unlike a lot of moms I know and wonder why I think the way I do....

My kids slept in their cribs from day one. Of course I had a monitor and when they needed food and I was nursing, I went into their rooms and sat in a very comfortable glider rocker so it didn't seem like a big deal to get out of bed for me -- most of the time. I even fell asleep with each of them in the chair a couple of times.

Having my kids in my room felt wrong for me -- having them in my bed -- oh lordy!!!!!! But I realize that this IS MY ISSUE!!!!!!! I'm a light sleeper and I just needed my own space after a long day being the only parent around.

When DD was born we knew three families that were trying (and failing) to transition a co-sleeping infant to his/her crib and it was a nightmare for them. One woman eventually had a breakdown due to lack of sleep and was medicated. Looking back there were obviously other issues with these families but of course I only saw the surface and what they told me. The stories they would tell me!!!!!! I just thought I'd avoid that tug of war altogether.

DD was born before the 80 hour work week so the idea of waking DH up even a little to put baby in bed to nurse (and he would have woken up) was a big factor as well. He was barely helpful as it was, I wasn't going to add to his sleep deprivation out of MY survival instinct -- I needed his help on the few times a month he could offer it.

So I guess I made the choices I did out of survival instinct as well. I couldn't handle another potential hump down the road so I opted for crib sleeping from day one. Huh. I never thought about it that way.

I really enjoyed reading your posts. I think if I wasn't so alone when DD was born with DH working those 110+ hour weeks I might have made a different decision. Now that I have some distance between training and my new "real life" I guess I can see my choices for what they really were.

Thanks for your posts I really enjoyed reading them and it helped me think through where I was four+ years ago. I was just hanging on it seems doing the best I could....

It makes me appreciate where we are now even more. Thank you.
You guys are just the best.

[madeintaiwan]

I'd have to say both too although it started out as survival. When I went to DS's 2 week appointment his ped took one look at me and my tired drooping self and told me that it was ok to bring the baby into the bed at night with me. It was over after that. The extra sleep was great but then it became more than that. It just felt right to us, DS was all snuggly and happy and not alone. It wasn't a question with our future kids but after a respiraroty class freaked DH out about SIDs, MIL got us the co-sleeper which we used until DD got big enough to "safely" be in our bed.

DD1 was born during the insane work weeks of DH's surg residency, too. I still feel guilty (sometimes!) about cosleeping with her during that time. The poor guy had to be exhausted. He actually loved it in some way, however! It was literally the only time that he saw her on most days/nights!

[Flynn]

DD1 was born during the insane work weeks of DH's surg residency, too. I still feel guilty (sometimes!) about cosleeping with her during that time. The poor guy had to be exhausted. He actually loved it in some way, however! It was literally the only time that he saw her on most days/nights!

You feel a little guilty you co-slept due to your DH's long hours and I feel a little guilty I didn't even consider it.

Parenting -- it sure is a trip!

[spotty_dog]

See, I am not even making a move to buy a crib precisely because I think this is the best way to help my resident sleep! DH has to ask me in the morning how often the baby gets up, I think he gets the "Is he sleeping through?" question at work but -- he doesn't know! He barely bats an eye when I tend to the baby; during the night DS stirs...whimpers...I look closely at him in the nightlight-lit room and watch for his eyes to open. If they do, or if he gets louder and might wake DH, I pick him up and check his diaper. I either feed him right away -- just scootch up to the headboard (I don't like sidelying much) and sit comfortably for a while -- or head to the room with the changing table where I change him and feed him on the futon in there in some order. When he's all settled and almost asleep, we go back to bed together.

Not having done it, I imagine that a baby monitor would mean that DS would get worked up a lot more before I awoke, since I wouldn't have his tossing presence to alert me. That seems a lot more likely to wake up my bedmate than his tiny whimpers!

DH also likes the time to be with his baby as he falls asleep especially after an extra long shift.

I do have to say I sleep more poorly if he's actually in the bed with me. But that seems to be a function of our full-sized bed -- when we went on vacation and slept in a king it was not bad at all! Currently I'm getting a lot more sleep than I was when I was taking the puppy out to potty every 2 hours and getting up to go to work at 6, so I'm fine for sleep. And as for transitioning him to his own crib, I think I've got some good resources as far as tips and tricks to do that when the time is right.

[samssugarmomma]

If its not too late to add my .02 -

We were so against cosleepingbefore we had kids.

Fast forward to actually having one and we found cosleeping neccessary in order to survive! I am the type of person that needs 9 - 10 hours of sleep in order to function, and once I get woken up, I'm up! Somehow I learned how to respond to DD's needs without fully waking up.

We did transition her to her crib after 4 months or so. Now that she has a big girl bed, if she needs us at night, one of us will go and lay down with her until she is settled. Except when DH is on call - if he is on call I just bring her to bed with me.

DH is a ped too and I wonder what he will tell his patients about cosleeping and babywearing....hmmm..I'll have to ask.

Not having done it, I imagine that a baby monitor would mean that DS would get worked up a lot more before I awoke, since I wouldn't have his tossing presence to alert me. That seems a lot more likely to wake up my bedmate than his tiny whimpers!

Everything I did I did about convienence for me or what I thought was best for the boys. You guys are all so concerned about waking up your resident. I couldn't care less. (Plus, he sleeps like he's dead) .