SAHM Mom Questions and Thoughts...

Just looking for your thoughts and advice...sorry long and "jumbled"

Quick background...I am 36 and dh is 33, we have 17 month old son, Max and we are expecting a girl on June 20th. Dh is 3rd yr med student and we are living in expensive Southern NJ... I work from home now for a non-profit that I have worked for 4 1/2 yers--Max has to go to daycare b/c as part of my employment contract to work from home they said no to working my own hours. I work 4 days a week 7:30am to 4:30 pm. All of us are on my health insurance.

I have always wanted to be SAHM and the thought of putting another one in daycare makes me sick to my stomach...also having two in daycare would give us $700/month extra... We are OK with borrowing more money (although it makes me a little sick to my stomach) to get through next year but I don't know if we can borrow enough. Our rent alone is $1450/month. Dh also has the National Health Service Corp Scholarship so his tuition is paid and we get monthly living so long term borrowing more now isn't as scary.

We have previously gotten some additional private loans on top of what you can borrow through Chase, Education One--they don't verify through the school. I am going to try to get as much as we can from that while I am still employed and we have to try to find other ways to get money....

Here are my questions:
1. Where have you borrowed more money then what school allows?
2. If I can get health insurance for the kids through the state where do you have health insurance? I am assuming we would need to get catastrophic for me and my dh?
3. When you don't have money $ what fun things to you do with your kids?
4. Although I have always wanted to be SAHM I am little scared not to work--anyone else felt like this?

I would just like to know there is enough money and I can plan on quiting...dh thinks I am but I am the one that worries about money. Thanks for your help!

[fluffhead]

Hi Brandi,

When I was self employed living in NJ, I tried to get catastrophic health insurance. I couldn't - it was against the law.
Apparently, when Florio "fixed" health insurance, he wanted everybody to have good coverage, so now you can only get something with a low deductible, and very high premiums. At least this is the way it was in the mid and late 90s. Call an agent and find out, maybe it's changed.

Regarding being afraid to be a full time parent and not working, I hear that. You get used to it pretty quickly I think, but the initial transition can be difficult.

Good luck with the new addition.

Here are my questions:
1. Where have you borrowed more money then what school allows?

sorry no help here, we have been able to get all money through the school, though you still have to pick what loans you will take, and some are better than others


2. If I can get health insurance for the kids through the state where do you have health insurance? I am assuming we would need to get catastrophic for me and my dh?

I know there are several families in DH's class who are on Medicade for the kids, but this sounds state specific regarding you, via the other poster

3. When you don't have money $ what fun things to you do with your kids?

Well we have never been rolling in it, I work out of my home pt for my Dad's company, and don't pull in a huge amount, it's been this way for a long time. You adjust to your families income, but it takes serious mental effort. For fun we:

-go to the parks as much as possible during the warm times
-go to the library
-during the summer/fall St. Louis has tons of festivals, mostly free, we hang out and get one fun item, like a dessert or something not $$$
-go walk uptown and go to the local soda shop for nickel candy, DS is still young enough to think this is cool, lucky me
-I'm a big fan of getting something special when doing errands that are ultra boring to DS, like nickel candy or a cookie, bag of fries (don't tell DH )
-hang out with my girlfriends who are also broke, misery loves company 8)
-pool pass during the summer, it's more economical then paying to go every once in a while
-go hiking as a family, off to buy my Ergo carrier this week (hopefully) for DD, and DS can easily go one mile, 2 miles when he's motivated, we look at the trees, plants and such and make it an enjoyable time, always bringing snacks too
-we also visit neighboring towns get a cheap meal, check out their parks and such, see what's to do there, for instance one town has eagle watching,
-we buy an Entertainment coupon book, and get practically any meal that we eat out through there, often the bill comes to $12-$20 for the four of us w/tip.
-also plug into local mags that post local events, and snag anything that says free
HTH

4. Although I have always wanted to be SAHM I am little scared not to work--anyone else felt like this

all the time, I'm not working in residency, but know we can pull it off with just some extreme effort to make it work, so can you Also talk talk talk about what your idea of what debits you will take out so you two are on the same page, especially figuring out moving costs for residency. If you are aware it makes the debit less stressful, especailly when you have a plan!

[pstone]

I can't imagine his school does not have health insurance.

[SuzySunshine]

I can't imagine his school does not have health insurance.

That's what I was thinking. Even undergrad students at our instituition can buy family health insurance plans. If possible I would go that route.

I'll third this - DH's insurance was actually pretty good in medical school

oh you can get the insurance, but for instance for the kids w/out DH's bill (included in the whole school bill...which makes me ill...) and me it's $336 (or so) a month. So if you decide to go the medicade route you potentially save yourself that money, that's what our friends have done and so far all has been well from what I gather. Though I will say if you are looking to get pg, personally I'd pay for the better coverage. My last pregnancy went to hell in a hand basket at 28 weeks and the total cost I *think* was $30,000 or well more, never cared to tally it all up. I have no clue if the quality of care would have been as good under Medicade, and I shiver to think if it wasn't. Just the idea of going to a clinic for my high risk pregnancy doesn't sit well with me, no offense to the system though.

Also to add these familes, no one worked so they maxed out on their loans every year. The first year in med school the families had to approach the school that they didn't have enough loans available to cover the insurance costs they needed, and the loan amount was increased.

[pstone]

oh, we did put me on her insurace when I quit to say home (we were all on mine) but the kid went on medicade....worked great for us and all the others that did it. Seems when kids are involved things actually get paid for and we got to keep our same peditrician and everything.

fluffhead--thanks for the info on NJ--I will check into that--I guess I was thinking a higher deductible type insurance.

Julie--I appreciate all of your feedback on things to do--you have got me thinking.

Everyone--Imagine it, dh's school DOES NOT offer health insurance (KCUMB in Kansas City) but requires that all students have some sort of coverage and provide proof. We are in NJ b/c dh is doing 3rd and 4th year rotations here.

[Rapunzel]

I can't imagine his school does not have health insurance.

DH's medical school would only offer health insurance for the students - families were up the creek. :bummer: Consequently, there were a whole lot of med student wives and children on Medicaid.

[diggitydot]

Re: SAHM Mom Questions and Thoughts...

1. Where have you borrowed more money then what school allows?

No clue on this one. My husband is also an MSIII, but he tutors through the school or teaches the MCAT classes at Kaplan to make extra money.

2. If I can get health insurance for the kids through the state where do you have health insurance?

We all have health insurance through the state. We had the option of purchasing it from DH's school, but it's was WAY too expensive for us.

3. When you don't have money $ what fun things to you do with your kids?

Our kids are a little older so they're in school most of the day. But we have a TON of board games and arts/crafts crap. Also, we have a "pajama party" every Friday night. The kids all get into their jammies, pull out their blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals and set up for either board games, video games, or to watch a movie. I usually cook something for dinner that is easy to eat with their fingers and they get the priviledge of eating in the living room, (on the blankets that are spread out, of course). I also usually make a dessert of some type...which they don't get any other time, so its a real treat.

4. Although I have always wanted to be SAHM I am little scared not to work--anyone else felt like this?

Oh, holy crap..yes. I hadn't a freakin' clue what I was going to do with myself for the first 6 months. I worked 40-60 hours/week before we relocated and doing the whole @home mommy gig was an enormous change for me. But I found that I REALLY enjoyed it, once I figured out what to do with my time. (Really, you can only clean something so much before it's considered a disorder.)

I would just like to know there is enough money and I can plan on quiting...dh thinks I am but I am the one that worries about money. Thanks for your help!

I was the same way. You just learn to make do with less. And I think it's a great way for my kids to learn that there are more important things in life than what you own.

This is a tad off topic, but makes my point about the kid thing. Last year around the holidays, my mom called to see what the kids wanted. As she was talking to them, I hear my middle daughter (who always takes the phone into the other room to talk) say, "Hmmmm...I don't know, Grandmama. I have lotsa stuff. I don't really need nothing. Maybe you should just give something to kids who don't have lotsa stuff. They'd probably like that." :thud: This was from a 6 year old who'd been hammered with ads for crap for months. I almost started crying, it was so sweet. But I'm glad she appreciates what she has and is aware that others are quite as lucky. (Even though we're dirt poor, at the moment.)