car pools

[Sheherezade]

How do you feel about them?

I know that my DS has loved soccer practice more when he's gone with friends in a car pool this winter. I know that being relieved from driving has helped me have a saner schedule. That said....I still have my gripes. :>

DS just got picked up by the dad of one of the other car pool members. No one else in the car pool is going tonight, so it was just DS and this little girl that is in the group. Had I known this, I probably would have driven him myself - or let him skip practice. I am uncomfortable letting him get in a car with a stranger....even though I know this is the husband of a woman I have shared driving duties with for months now. I know that DS will be uncomfortable the whole ride. I hope the guy's a safe driver. I'm a total sexist. I admit it. I'm much more comfortable with mom in a minivan than dad in ...a pickup truck. My worry overrunneth.

That said, I thought nothing of sending my own husband to drive the same carpool one evening when he begged to watch practice and "study". Maybe this is payback. :> DH thinks I'm a whack job....BTW. He has no worries.

Console me. I'm considering driving across the city to spy on the kids and make sure he's safe.

These unexpected new arrangements have happened enough that I'm turned off of car pools. I think it's easier to just leave the driving to me. Of course, this will make my kids more lonely. Lots of social life here seems to revolve around the carpool.

[Rapunzel]

I don't let my children get into cars with strangers.

I guess that automatically wipes me off of the carpool list! :P

[Sheherezade]

Yes.....I know. I'm not pleased. Do you consider the spouses of your friends strangers if you haven't met them? This is a quandry for me. I...do. Still, I'm sure a friend would be shocked if I insinuated that I didn't "trust" their husband. I'd be surprise if someone complained about DH driving instead of me. Still, I'd understand. It just never occurred to me that it would matter. (Obviously, I am too enmeshed. We are...one person in my mind. )

[PrincessFiona]

I'm not sure, Angie....I remember kind of freaking out when a friend of mine was going to take Andrew home and her husband ended up doing it...

Of course, I've never actually evaluated her driving but I guess it was just the surprise of it being someone that I didn't expect...

I don't really do the carpool thing just because...I have so many children of my own in my van that I don't have room for anyone elses...

[Phoebe]

in the category of hating other people driving her kids. I don't carpool often unless it is with close friends.

[Sheherezade]

So....I suppose this wil be my last round with car pools. Everyone in this town seems to have one. Maybe because all the activities - it is hard to keep up? DS is in a soccer league that practices 40 minutes away from home. That's a 3 hour weekly commitment, round trip. At least he's not on the team that practices an hour from here. :> People are nuts. I was happy to finally be asked to be in a car pool. For two years, I was the only one driving only my kids. It feels strange when everyone else shows up with a group of kids laughing and talking....and you just have your little guy. I think it depressed my son. But now that we've done it, I think I'd be more comfortable with just me driving.

I'm glad it's the last practice. No more car pools after tonight.

And more confession.....I felt better when I googled the dad and found out he was a partner in a law firm. How does that make it better? Because he's a professional? I'm a stereotyping freak show.

I'll be glad when my kid's home.

[mommax3]

It would freak me out too, Angie. Never been a big fan of car pools, especially when I was nannying and having to drive a car pool and leave MY son and the baby of the family I watched with another (non-English speaking/non-driving) nanny so that I could have enough room to ferry around a bunch of kids, all so the family I worked for didn't have to drive their kids every day.

I have a three or four friends here that will help me out (and vice-versa) with rides to soccer/basketball games for my oldest if I have other things going on with the younger two, but we all reciprocate (they all have younger kids as well) and I know them well enough by now that I am okay with it, whether it is mom or dad. (BUT......one dad is a pastor, one dad is DH's partner, and one dad is an engineer at Lilly. Stereotyping abounds here as well, Angie. ) None of us live close enough to each other to make it reasonable to have a "formal" car pool, though.

Sally

[Sheherezade]

Well...he made it home.

He did not seem at all phased by the one girl and stranger dad car pool. Just his mom, I guess. I suppose I should be happy my neurosis haven't rubbed off too much on him. I'm sure it helped that dads tend to be more liberal at the snack bar after practice. He came home with an icee and a candy wrapper.

I think I'll stick to driving myself from now on to avoid the worry. I'll have to think of a good excuse to give the other moms.

[PrincessFiona]

Angie...carpools are pretty popular here too and...you should consider yourself on the *inside* of the *circle of trust* for being asked to be a part of some. They kind of belong to a certain social.....thing...so I don't know that you should drop them.

Do I sound like a climber now?

kris

[Stella]

I always rode in carpools when I was younger. I don't know... never phased me and it wouldn't occur to me that it would concern anyone. I don't have kids. I know. I'll shut up now. :guilty:

I do some carpooling but as Sally said, it is limited to a few people. I always trade off with one mom for swim lessons. I've driven with her and she is a good driver.

I almost always volunteer to drive for any Brownie field trips or that sort of thing. Part of the justification for driving a minivan.

There is one parent who is a really bad driver. I make it a point to not let the kids ride with her.

[Michele]

As for your neuroses....my mom was/is a worrier and very distrusting of other people....sounds similar to Tabula Rasa's concerns...and sometimes I think she was overboard. Of course, my sister and I were never in harm's way (I don't think)...but I find I'm warier b/c of the way she was. But I'm sure that could also be viewed as a good thing. I have struggles between my inner optimist and my "mom's" voice.

For example: my mom stops almost a car's length behind other cars at a stop light (not the middle lane) in case she has to try to drive to get away quickly if someone were to try to car jack her or take us kids or something.

So I guess I didn't really contribute much.

I guess you "have to do what you feel comfortable with" to quote her again.

[Sheherezade]

The balance between "keeping your kids safe" and "passing on distrust and neurosis" is something I struggle with all the time. I had very open parents -- and some bad stuff happened to our brood when we were kids. I know that could happen anywhere, but it has made me swing to the other side of the balance and be too protective much of the time.

I am trying to loosen up, but from time to time I wonder how loose a mom should be. (Don't answer that! :> ) It is good to hear the perspectives of other moms. I do think it changes as your kids grow. I also think it is best if you know the other parents well, but with all the travelling involved in med training not many of us are in the same community for years on end.

I also think it is best if you know the other parents well, but with all the travelling involved in med training not many of us are in the same community for years on end.

That was among reasons I was less excited to move. It has taken a few years to get to know people I trust -- and create my own *circle of trust*.

With Tenancious E and her dislike of the car, I've had to rely on others for some help with driving. One of the benefits of carpooling with this one mom is that I can ask her to make sure DD is in her car for anything I don't drive for.

[houseelf]

Totally off subject, but everytime I hear

Tenacious E

or

princess factory

I burst out laughing.

I love people who don't take themselves so seriously. You rock Nellie, my girl.

BTW, does this make Sally or Matt a Jedi or Pirate factory?

Kelly