mom's group issue

[Sheherezade]

It doesn't sound that abnormal to me for a three year old -- or a playgroup experience.

Tough love coming.......

This reminds me of the adage "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. " I know that this little guy could grow up to be a monster without proper redirection and handling, but I doubt it. Some kids are just like that - and they grow up to be great kids with no grasp on these stories that mom tells about their "reign of terror" in the playground. My own little brother was a chronic biter. Mom was banned from the community carpool. My dear little brother is the sweetest guy on earth now and always was after he reached school. I'd make a joke of the situation, redirect the kid and try not to be too hard on dear old mom. After all that judgement could be looking you in the face in the future if your own kids surprise you down the road with some challenging behavior.

Don't worry so much. Wait till they are 12 and the "incident" involves actual intentional choking in the school hallway or sly, persistent bullying in the lunchroom.

I'll now run away to my "old people" room.

And really...I don't judge the other mom because she is probably just exhausted, burned out or tired...and I've been there. It takes a village....and really, there isn't much of a village anymore.

I'm really with you on that one Kris. That's kind of why I just choose to pipe up if I spy somethhing, and am comfortable with others doing the same.

I guess this is when it is "OK" to be the lone male of the group....little kids are usually scared s***less when I ask them about their behavior, of course, not trying to fix them, just inquire...especially if it is unacceptable in general.


Intimidation factor is high when you are 6'4" and 225...now if I can just get it to work for my kids....

Intimidation factor is high when you are 6'4" and 225...now if I can just get it to work for my kids....

do you make housecalls Matt? c'mon ... you've got to have some family to visit around here. I'll bake ...

[diggitydot]

Intimidation factor is high when you are 6'4" and 225...now if I can just get it to work for my kids....

Funny enough, it's the same in our house. Other kids are scared !#$*less of him, but our stooges are WAY more terrified of 5'6" mom being mad than they are of 6'3", 215lb dad. Totally illogical, but my kids aren't all that great with logic, anyway... :huh:

Well said, Kris and Angie.

Oops, sorry. She is a good mom who did a bad thing.

Thanks, Jenn, and I honestly wasn't thinking about your kids when I wrote that. I could tell they were just excited to have us visit. Lately I've been seeing glimpses of what's to come in our household. We will definately be comparing notes soon.

-J

[Rapunzel]

My experience is that there are children who are just holy terrors! And, with the parents who KNOW their child is prone to misbehavior and are apologetic as they keep a close eye on that child - I don't worry. It's the parents who blithely ignore their child's bad behavior that DO worry me. I guess it's because when I see any of my children behaving in a bad way while playing with others I quickly react and I also either have the child apologize (if old enough - and three is definitely old enough) OR I apologize myself (if we're talking about a toddler problem here).

I guess I see it as incumbent up on me that I redirect my own child rather than force another parent to have to intervene because my child is being naughty.

The root word for "discipline" is "disciple" - and a disciple is someone who is taught (who literally is considered a pupil of another). And, because of that I expect other mothers to teach their own children proper behavior. I will pick up their slack if they aren't teaching this to their own children - but, ultimately, that is what a mother's job is - to teach her children to function in society.

So, as a rule I do not discipline another parent's child if that parent is present - because I would be stepping into that other parent's job (and, heaven knows, I have enough of a job myself!). But, if the other parent is not doing their job and intervention is necessary - then, yes, I will do so - particularly if it is to protect my own child. If that intervention does not work then I explain to my children that they need to avoid the dangerous/behavior problem child.

We can rely on others to some extent - but, ultimately, a parent's main job is to teach their children proper behavior and instill good habits. We can rely on "a village" in times of need or emergency. But, ultimately it is the family which is the basic unit of society and which is responsible for producing good citizens and well-functioning individuals - that has not changed.

I guess I see it as incumbent up on me that I redirect my own child rather than force another parent to have to intervene because my child is being naughty.

That is my goal but sometimes if I am tending to another child, I don't mind if someone else helps out. I do feel differently about it being someone I know (much more comfortable) than someone I don't.

[Flynn]

What happened? Huh, huh, huh? :> You're stepping into small town politics, Flynn, they're wacky. Definitely keep your kids safe, but, personally, I wouldn't rock the boat too much as the new kid on an old, old, we-all-went-to-highschool-together boat. Loyalty outweighs logic in small towns. It would depend on the woman and what I thought her reaction would be. If you confront her in front of her friends you're putting everyone in a weird situation. Can you make different playdates with just the woman that you've clicked with?

Ladybug you are so wise. After much thought I agree with anyone who said "tread lightly" and factored in the small town feel and the "high school gal" thing. I really LIKE my three friends from this group so I will take a back seat and just REALLY be attentive at large group settings, not go, and/or make playdates with my three buddies at different times.

[PrincessFiona]

I have thought about this thread a lot since I first read it but I've just not had the opportunity to come back and respond.

If I were in this same situation, I think that the next time I was at playgroup and the child started acting up, I would turn to the mom and say :

"ugh...you've got a live one, huh? My daughter (or friend's daughter...whatever situation would fit) was so energetic and I remember how much I struggled to keep her entertained and out of trouble and still manage to string a few words together in a sentence when I was talking with friends."

Then I'd just go and help her check and see if the one child was ok and grab her little guy....I might even distract her son by asking him to show me how to hop on one foot etc.


kris