I've got a stage four clinger

[Cumberland]

DD2 is so clingy. I dont know why, since her sister is not at all. She cries with anyone besides me, which usually includes DH and strangely, not at all with my parents who see her about once a month. She is 13 months, and her whole life she has been very fussy and cries in group settings.

So today on a playdate at the pool, she fussed the whole time, didnt want me to put her down and ended up being unconsolable when I took away a leaking bubble wand from her. It wears me out and I find myself being resentful and wondering if she is going to turn out to have problems later in life since she seems to have such issues with anyone except me.

She has been in some sort of childcare about 10 hours a week since 4months so its not like she is not around strangers. I really think it is getting worse not better. I also feel a combination of protective, angry and guilty when people make comments about her clingyness. DD1 was a very easy kid compared to this, and I love them just the same, but man, this one has given me a rough ride. Will she outgrow this? Do I just need to chill?

I think personalities can be so different from kid to kid.

I totally understand what you mean about other people's comments -- feeling protective and defensive at the same time. I remember that age, of 15 months to 21 or so, being difficult with my first. She was clingy then. She definitely outgrew it.

I know you were interested in an Ergo carrier. Have you found one? Maybe wearing her on your back would make things easier for both of you?

I'm sorry...I know this can be really frustrating.

I think she will outgrow it. My DD2 is very clingy also (she is 15 months) and I just roll it. We attend this weekly program at the children's museum and she spends the entire time with one hand sucking her thumb and one hand holding my hair. If anyone comes near her, she holds on tighter. ?? I don't know why. . .she has actually spent far more time out and about than DD1. This morning, she did venture away from me for a minute or so and that was huge.

Ditto Nellie's suggestion on the Ergo. I wore DD2 in the Ergo almost constantly during outings until she was maybe 14 months.

Maybe have your parents visit more? Maybe some more alone time for your DD2 and your DH so he could give you a break more?

Hugs.

[Meenah]

I know she will outgrow it too. One of mine was that way and now I hear from her every few weeks unless she needs money!!!!! I actually took money OUT of her account once so that she would have to call me!!!!

[planet]

Nothing of any value to add to this thread. I just saw the Wedding Crashers and thought of the stage 5 clinger when I saw this. No association whatsoever.

Just increasing my post count.

:guilty:

DD is not overly clingy anymore but I've slung her (pouch and Ergo) since born to get things done when she is like this. I've been forced to Ergo her just to vacuum a handful of times, I try to see it as my mama workout.

It does go away, trust me at 18 she won't be screaming to be held Just chalk it up as babyhood, and hope it skims over soon.

DD still lunges at me when DH is holding her, I don't encourage it, but it happens, this too will disappear one day.

[Cumberland]

Hey Janet- that is where I got the quote from. I was hoping someone would give me some credit for it

[peggyfromwastate]

My twins did the super clingy thing to one parent, then switched to the other, etc. Isabel (5) would still be carried by us everywhere if she could be, but at about 50 lbs, it's just not happening...

I carried Luke through every single social "thing" until he was about 2, then he got a teensy bit brave, and now at 3, he's a little braver, and is mostly only clingy to DH.

It is so frustrating though to feel like you have someone just hanging onto you at all times! You guys will make it!!!

With three kids ages 7, 4, and 2, I can remember some periods of clingyness, though not as extended as you described. So I'm no pro, but I did think of something to add to the discussion.

DH says that our middle child was a lot more clingy that the others. He just wasn't as ready to trust others, was much more cautious, and needed to take social steps in his own time. Because we didn't force him, now he is a well-adjusted (in my opinion ) and verbally friendly four-year-old. But he still isn't keen on passing out hugs or extending affection to anyone but our family.

Perhaps take some time to spend with DD2 (right, just what you want, MORE time with her! hang with me, though) to appreciate special parts of her personality. So she'll seem like more than just an annoying fixture on your back. Carrying her is a great idea, I think. We used the baby slings lots and lots. From what I've seen and heard and experienced, the clinginess should subside by age 3. So breathe deeply and focus on enjoying her, and loving her. It's a great investment!

-wife of M2