computer in tweeners room?

[peggyfromwastate]

We are debating how much internet access to let our oldest have. She is a really good kid, good student, and pretty responsible. She hasn't given us any indication that she gets into any wierd chat rooms or anything on line, but our computer is in the living room so that we can keep an eye on everything.

However, now that she's starting more serious schooling, we are thinking about getting her a computer or getting ourselves a new one but I am not sure if we should have the computer in a "common area" or let her have it in her room.

Pros to common area: we can keep an eye on her.

Negatives: the other kids are going to be all over it, and she won't be able to do any meaningful work until they are all in bed.

Any suggestions? Feel free to HIJACK this post- I learn a lot from all of your experiences!

[DCJenn]

My first gut response, thankfully not having to be there yet, is to keep it in eyeshot just in case.

Kids will be kids and you never know what she's picked up from the other kids as school- even if you do put the parental limits on what she has access to.

(we all remember the twitters of laughter about the National Geographic pictures from kids)

this way if she stumbles across something- even innocuous like NG, you or your husband...ok, YOU because he's in intern year, will be able to address it more immediately.

We weren't allowed to have TVs or telephones in our rooms either for that reason. My mom always knew what was going on- why? because I'd hide in the dining room and she'd go iron clothes in the basement, right under the vent in the dining room. She could hear EVERYTHING. Even when my BFF and I spoke in Pig French.

Jenn

[poky]

My gut reaction, having come of age before the internet (but not before dial-up BBSs!), and not having any kids of my own, would be:

Have it be "her" computer by locking it so that only you (the parents) and she can even get into it (so, no guest account, and keep the other kids ignorant of the password(s) to get in), and keep it in a "public" area, but a little more out of the way, maybe, than the "main" computer everyone else uses.

I know at that age, I was a good student, good kid, blah, blah, but would not have hesitated an instant to stay up all night online if I'd had a computer connected to the internet in my room, and probably would have stumbled on some....interesting stuff, even unintentionally. I'm the one who had a flashlight under my covers so I could read after my lights were supposed to be out, and my parents had a hell of a time keeping track of what I was reading.

[Sheherezade]

Our 11 year old has a computer in his room. We thought about this for quite awhile, but ultimately, we set it up. He uses the computer for gaming most of the time -- and we have all his online games set with "friends" lists of people we know.

I do keep an eye on things constantly. At this age, he hasn't objected to my hovering or looking through his computer history. I think that will be more of a problem as he ages. He will expect that the computer is "private" and that Mom and Dad have no right to see what he's been up to. I disagree. I heard a computer/internet specialist at a recent talk suggest using spyware on your children's computers - and telling them that it was set up. Her reasoning was good and surprising. She thinks kids should learn from the get-go that things on the internet ARE NOT PRIVATE for anyone. Email can be accessed by your company. Posted pictures are easy to obtain - private or no. Kids need to learn this. My son knows that anything he does online will be subject to parental scrutiny. Maybe that will help him later make good choices about his online activities.

We had a scary situation happen online with a laptop in the kitchen. DS was playing an online game and started IMing with a stranger.......the "kid" wanted to know his full name, his school, his town...... . My smart, safe little guy actually said to me "But Mom....it's OK to tell him, right? He's just another kid!" That started a whole new conversation about online safety. I thought he understood, but clearly it is something that needs constant repeating and monitoring. Kids are kids. Creeps are sneaky.

I say no matter where you keep your computer, keep an eye on all your daughter's activities online. I've heard plenty of stories about things happening with a living room computer. Nosy parents are good.

[spotty_dog]

I agree with Sandy. There's something very cool about having your own computer, but for me that wouldn't negate not wanting computers or TVs in bedrooms. Keeping it in view but with only her account on it makes it hers but makes her less likely to get in trouble with bad content OR vegging out.

ETA: So says the mom of an infant. LOL. Who knows what the world will be like in a decade when my boy is...gulp...a tween!

[samssugarmomma]

As the parents of an infant, our current plan is to not have any tvs, phones, or computers in any of the bedrooms. That may change since we'll have at least 2 girls.

We might do a family computer in an office or famiy room or other public but out of the way spot.

[madeintaiwan]

DS has his own computer in the basement but it doesn't have internet access. He has his own log in on our computer in the office and it has blocking for all unapproved sites. He is very good (so far) about asking me if things are appropriate or not. My brothers who are almost 11 and 7 don't have computers in their rooms either.

I see what my teenage cousins do on the internet and I just don't want to go there. Every kid is different tho and I suppose you have to trust your child at some point. I just feel that if they need privacy on the internet at that age, what the heck are they doing? There are too many psychos and kids that age just don't have the smarts to determine who's who. I do agree that parents should be on the ball no matter where the computer is.

Both of our girls, ages 10 and 6 have their own computers. The youngest uses it for games and Webkinz online. The only problem I have with the 10 year old is having to hear her lecture us about Animal cruelty, Artic defrosting, and the war in Iraq. These are issues that she googleson a constant basis. This week is the continuous pleading for a pet chinchilla for her birthday. I have been emailed every possible fact about the small animal, more than I ever want to know

[pstone]

NEVER NEVER NEVER will our kids have unrestricted access/computer in a 'private' area of the house.

Big game room/tv/entertainment room with computer(s) is more than enough for any kid, at any time, in any year or world.

Same goes for TVS/DVDs/GAME systems etc.....

want to spend some quiet time in your room? grab a book.

[planet]

Hi,

We’re not at that stage yet, but I would definitely talk about net safety if you opt for an in room computer. I have had net nanny recommended by someone I know who uses it for their household of older kids. http://www.netnanny.com/ I’m sure there are other options out there too.

The idea of it being primarily your oldest kid’s computer, but in a common area sounds good. We had that set up when I was younger. My brother had his password protected computer in the living room. None of the other kids could log on…he had to log us if we wanted computer time. The funny thing is, I don’t even think my folks knew the password…so I’d be sure you get that.

Good luck. It isn't such an easy decision in today's world.

[diggitydot]

We've just given our almost 12 y/o her first email account...which my DH and I have absolute and unrestricted access to. She is allowed to use the laptops in the living room when we're all there, or the desktop one if I'm in our bedroom where it is kept. She's never on it alone or in her own bedroom.

The nice thing about the desktop computer being in our bedroom is that we can kick out her two younger siblings if she has a report to do. That, and she's still at the stage where she wholeheartedly believes that Mom and Dad are all-knowing. We regularly and almost religiously check her emails and cache history. The only people she's allowed to converse with are people WE know. She isn't allowed to IM with ANYONE, even people we know. And I refuse to let her have a Myspace.com page even though half of our family and friends allow their under-14 kids to have one.

Yeah, I'm probably the least popular and most uncool mom on the planet, but I'm OK being that. Someone has to be.

[Vanquisher]

My son has a computer in his room with internet access. I'm okay with it. We have talked and continue to talk about internet safety. I know his passwords and what sites he visits.

[mommax3]

We will never have a computer in a private room. The kids will never have phones or TVs in their rooms, either. I just don't think it is necessary. My oldest is 12, and has expressed interest in communicating with friends online, and would be all over online gaming if I let him, but DH and I just don't think it is a good idea, and truthfully, he is usually busy enough that it isn't an issue. And we do have netnanny on our (one) desktop, and I highly recommend it.

[peggyfromwastate]

I will look into netnanny!

The games she plays all have a "chat" aspect to them. Certain words are restricted- like any word about location, age, specific names, etc. These are basically sites that the school has loaded on their computers for use during "indoor recess" or after school. She likes "VMK" (virtual magic kingdom) a lot, and other sites like that. I agree with everyone about talking about internet safety. We do talk about it all the time with her, and she always looks a litte bewildered that there would be some adult out there in cyberspace pretending to be a kid.

[pstone]

One can, and kids will, get around any of those netnanny programs. Seriously people, kids figure it out much faster, their friends tell them, the hear about it at school, etc...

I actually does take a fairly experienced computer user to 'lock down' a computer so they can know everything that is going on.

We might have 3 - 4 computers someday, I am not against multiples, but each will go through a server and a router that will log everything.

Trust me as a male, it is VERY VERY easy to find stuff 'no parent' would want any of their kids looking at, and net nanny and the like are useless because the people hosting the content name, organize, and set up the web sites specifically to get around these programs.

Besides, I want to help my kid explore, learn, and search for things they are interested in....I think of it like this..

I would not let my kid go out a side door in his room to a huge world, the internet is the same thing...a giant world where parents are very much needed.