kids sleeping with parents

[rainbabies]

ds, our insomniac has an awful habit of getting up and coming to bed with us. somenights i dont hear him and dh NEVER hears him.

sometimes it bothers me, sometimes i can just deal with him breathing on me, kicking me, leaking thru his pullup.

lately when i put him to bed i have tried telling him he has to sleep in his own bed, "mommy and daddy's special place, so we can spend time together..etc...."

this morning at 5pm dh woke to ds sitting at the foot of our bed on the floor. afraid to get into bed. because "mommy would be upset"

dh told him tonight "mommy is silly, come to bed with us...just dont tell her."

*sigh* i guess im destined to have sharp little toe nails stabbing me at night.

[Gwendolyn]

I can only commiserate. Every time DS wakes up to go potty about three times a night, he tries to settle in our bed. If I am on top of it I can fairly easily guide him back to bed, but if the little stinker goes to DH's side of the bed I may not hear it and DH will help him up and snuggle down nice and close with the boy. *sigh* Who knew my DH was such a nuts and berries co-sleeper type? I honestly think part of it is that DH doesn't want to get out of bed to walk DS back to his own bed, but part of it is he likes having DS sleep with us. That may be because he usually gets the snuggly end of the deal while I get the feet in the gut when DS decides to lay perpendicular to DH and I.

My DS is 2 and doesn't come to our bed YET...but in the wee hours if he wakes up and cries, he'll say, "Mommy, just lay down, just lay down."...meaning in his bed. And in the wee hours, I don't care where I lay down, I just want some sleep...so I end up sleeping in his room some nights. But if he came to our bed and wanted to sleep with us, I'd probably stick him in between us...because at 2 or 3 a.m. I don't care about setting boundaries, I just want us all to get some sleep.
:huh:

[peggyfromwastate]

When Kate was around 4-5 she would come into our room a lot. We did not have a King, and we ended up setting up a permanent type place in our room- on the floor. It was just a sleeping bag with a foam camping mat under it, but at least she knew it was there and she used it. She didn't wake us up either. She had fear issues, and loneliness...

THe twins had each other. That is the hugest blessing of twins! When they were lonely or whatever they just woke the other up...

Anyway, Kate needless to say grew out of it and is quite pleased to be as far away from us at night as possilbe- so she can sneak staying up late reading her books, which are probably scary enough to give me nightmares especially when DH is on call.

[DCJenn]

It's so funny to me to read about kids who want to sleep w/ parents!

When we were at my MILs, her smoking really got the best of the dude and he started hacking up a lung on the last two nights there. the last night I brought him into bed with me so that I could keep him propped up because it seemed to help.

We tried 100 different positions and finally he said, "mommy, can I go sleep on my mat? (The blow up mattress)" and he did!

Jenn

Quinn still climbs into bed with me each and every night. We put him to bed in his own bed, and no later than 1AM he's in our bed. I would be annoyed by it, except when he wakes up he looks at me and says "I love you mom." Every morning.

Who can turn that away?

[planet]

Quinn still climbs into bed with me each and every night. We put him to bed in his own bed, and no later than 1AM he's in our bed. I would be annoyed by it, except when he wakes up he looks at me and says "I love you mom." Every morning.

Who can turn that away?

Awwww... now that's worth cherishing. He knows his way to mom's heart.

season's gone before you know it

If at all possible though, make sure you have a king size bed.

I totally agree! My heart goes out to rainbabies - my 2 year old ends up between us half the time, and he ends up most often perpendicular to me and DH - why do I always get the feet in MY side??!!

But this little guy is the youngest of our three, and the other two grew out of it, so I know that he will, too. I try to treasure these moments because, overall, I'll miss them later.

So I just move those little feetsies out of my side, roll over, and get some more zzz's. Then I wake up to his sweet little face in the morning.

- ccvqueen

another thought

I was way too cheery in the previous post . . . for those nights when I just can't fathom the thought of being kicked in the side, I wait until my 2 year old has fallen back asleep, and then I move him back to his bed. Where he'll hopefully stay for the rest of the night. Another thing that works when we're traveling is putting him next to an older sibling - he just wants a warm body. Don't know if yours has any older siblings.

Just some more thoughts.

[Gwendolyn]

I guess in my previous post I was too caustic...There is nothing better than two hands grabbing your face in the morning and hearing "I love you mom" and watching you DH get the same alarm clock. I can be a sucker also. DS has been having more vivid dreams, not always nightmares, just they seem real to him. He has figured out that this means more comfort from us So lastnight he came in with his pillow, blanket and bear to tell me he was scared. I know he was playing me by the look on his face, but I couldn't bring myself to make him go back to bed. A few hours later he woke up and said he wanted to go to his own bed :huh:

Part of our problem is that none of this happens while we are sleeping. All of the potty time and bed changes can only occur if I or DH (read: I) am awake to accompany it *sigh*

Our other problem is that DS#2 will enter the world in a few months and will be in the bed...it just isn't safe for DS#! to climb in and out, but it isn't cool to just kick him out when the baby comes either....

[samssugarmomma]

Sometimes DD ends up with us.....sometimes one of us ends up in her bed - it just depends.

I'm in the camp that figures that she'll outgrow it eventually.

[GrayMatterWife]

Oh, I guess I am going to look like the super-mean mom...but my response to co-sleeping was always a resounding four words:

NO WAY IN HELL.

The only exception I've ever made is when he's sick (not,"oooh, mommy, I don't feel good..." whine, whine, whine, but SICK--fever, ing, etc., when he genuinely needs reassurance and comfort). It's just that I want a little privacy at SOME TIME. Between DS and DH and my boss and all the attorneys calling Chambers, 99.99% of my day is responding to other people's noise. I would SNAP if I never got any quiet, still time. Or sex. (Actually, maybe I am protective of the bed because it represents all kinds of intimacy with DH, not just physical. The bed is our "special" place--we unwind, talk about our day, watch kid-inappropriate TV--namely, "South Park," etc. I want these rare moments guarded from intrusion!)

So let the "evil, selfish, unmaternal" whispering begin...I know, I know. I've heard it all: about how I am hindering bonding, etc. But, truth be told, I also didn't tote my DS around in one of those snuggling slings that are all the rage, because the contraption hurt my back and I couldn't get anything DONE (like cooking, cleaning, typing) with 12 pounds of person resting under my rib cage. Somehow, though, DS survived...and, I have to say, he's always been a damned good self-entertainer...(a blessing since he's an only).

[DCJenn]

Don't feel bad- I feel the exact same way, and luckily so does my kid. He also is a fabulous self-entertainer. I also am a true believer in my house is MY house and when he pays the mortgage, he can strew his toys all over otherwise, they stay in his room and can come out one at a time.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

I also am a true believer in my house is MY house and when he pays the mortgage, he can strew his toys all over otherwise, they stay in his room and can come out one at a time.

Jenn

ME, TOO!!! I am so glad someone else feels this way. When I visit the homes of other moms, they have entire ROOMS (in addition to the bedrooms) dedicated as shrines of kid entertainment. (Inside slides, chalkboards, life-sized playhouses, etc.). Which is perfectly FINE if you want to do this (especially understandable if you're a SAHM...you need a replace to corral and recreate!).

However, the JUDGMENT I've gotten because I restrict his toys to his room is weird! I mean, my rule is not exactly the invocation of torture...I don't lock him in there! And it's a big, carpeted bedroom that is his alone...and it has a huge window and more space than any one kid could expect!). But I sometimes get snarky remarks when other moms visit me, like, "My, your house is so ... [pause]... neat. I guess DS does his creative play at school..." As if somehow I am hindering his creative development or self-esteem by not allowing him free reign of the house.

GRRRRR.

[planet]

Hmm. Judgement in the world of moms is not really avoidable Graymatter. It doesn't matter what you choose. There are always plenty of people to condemn and second guess your choices. We coslept and have endured abundant warnings on how our kids would die in bed with us.

Seriously, I think the hardest part about raising children today is that everyone feels entitled to be part of your business.