Little girls growing up too soon.

[Cumberland]

We were at a dinner last night with a very nice family that has a 14yo daughter. Their daughter had to be a 36 C bra and she was wearing a low cut dress and make up and pretty much looked like a 20yo-not slutty, just much older.

I DO NOT want my daughters to look like that when they are 14. But do you tell your 14yo 9th grade daughter they cant wear make up? You cant hide the big boobs either. The mom is a PhD working in women's health with HIV infected women-she is no dummy about stuff that happens. I told DH that girls that look like that dont keep their virgnity for very long bc guys are on them like white on rice, good ones and bad ones, and the girls are at an age where they crave attention from boys.

I know I have 10.5 years to get there but I am already worried!

[Sheherezade]

I haven't thought about the physical aspects of this much. (Dear G..D. That's a little frightening. Lalalalala *sticks fingers in ears* lalalalala )

My daughter finds that there is a lot of peer pressure to be older than she actually is - and she's only just turned eight. We went on a Disney cruise this year. DD is very interested in fairy tale princesses. She loves Ariel (the little mermaid). She had no interest in this stuff as a tiny girl. Now, she reads the books and finds the Prince Charming stuff, well, charming. It's sweet. I was disturbed when she asked me to keep her interests a secret from her friends. She said that princesses and fairy tales are "baby stuff" and that she doesn't want people to know. At school, the girls are all in to fashion and High School Musical. Jeesh. She's only eight. Just eight, actually. Can't she still like Cinderella? It's no surprise to me that the girls have moved on to Cosmo by 14. Scary stuff. The princesses of Disney are clearly marketed to the 4- 6 year old set. Honestly, my four year old had NO interest in competition with "evil" stepsisters or getting rescued by prince charming. :> She liked to finger paint.

I'm not sure how to combat "age creep" except to let my daughter be young now - and support her in that decision. When her friends come over, I' tell them not to rush things. They've got the bulk of their lives to be "big" but very little time to be "little". Honestly, they've got an excuse to be immature. I'd love one!

[rainbabies]

im so not looking forward to those yrs. i intend to have a strong say on what the kids wear. i remember not being able to wear tanktops or sleveless to school. shorts had to be to my knees. if i wore a belly bearing shirt, i had to wear an undershirt tucked in so my tummy wouldnt show. i couldnt shave or wear make-up until i started my period. my stepmom had lots of lovely rules. of course i hated them at the time, now i see why she did it. (love her)

even now, when i shop for the kids...its SO FRUSTRATING. it's like going hooker shopping for babies. the clothing makes me sick. im not a prude by any means (unless you ask dh) bur really...do our little girls need to wear low cut, ass bearing, tummy bearing, embellished clothing!!!???

here is an article i came across. stupid parents!!

Meet the pre-teen beauty addicts | the Daily Mail

Bethany Conheeny takes two hours to get ready each morning.
A detailed inspection of her morning routine gives some indication why.
After washing her naturally wavy hair, she spritzes, sprays and straightens it with £120 designer ceramic straighteners.
If there's so much as a kink left, she starts again. She's rigorous in her cleansing, toning and moisturing routine, and before leaving the house, applies a slick of lip-gloss.
At the weekends, it takes longer. Bethany — who has £70 worth of beauty treatments each week, including a spray tan, pedicure, manicure and eyebrow wax — applies St Tropez blusher, pink eye shadow and mascara.
She prefers to use a Chanel foundation over her moisturiser, but as her 37-year-old mother Catherine, a qualified beautician, puts it, perhaps somewhat mildly: "She's a bit young for that."
She has a point. Bethany is nine years old.
Yet she's far from the only pre-teen beauty addict to seem more concerned about her make-up than her exam marks.

Growing up too fast?: (l-r) Sarah-Jane Odell, aged 12, Belle Chapman, 11 and Karolina Jackson, 10


Take 11-year-old Belle Chapman. Last week, Belle, a naturally pretty brunette, turned to her mother Cheryl and said: "I must get my legs waxed again, they are getting so hairy."
Cheryl, a PR executive from Reigate in Surrey, says: "Her monthly waxing costs me about £30, and she regularly has her hair highlighted, which costs £60. "I spend more on beauty treatments for her than myself. She loves having facials. I put my foot down about her using tanning beds, but she is badgering me to have the latest spray-on tan. She's even had her arms waxed."


Old before her time? Bethany Conheeny, nine




Bethany is on the books of a Leeds modelling agency. Belle, meanwhile, has already had modelling assignments for children's clothes catalogues.
Depressingly - but somewhat predictably - Belle's role models read like a contents page for a cheap celebrity magazine.
Like many of her friends, she idolises Jordan, Victoria Beckham and Girls Aloud. And her mother says she can't see anything wrong with that.
"Belle's done a few modelling jobs, and would love to get into showbusiness," Cheryl says.
"It started when she was eight, and wanted highlights putting in her hair and her ears pierced. She said all her friends were having it done and so I let her. She's a determined girl, who likes to be thought of as cool.
"In many ways she isn't a child at all — her obsessions are clothes, hair and make-up.
"She adores pink clothes and goes out wearing tiny tops showing her tummy, skinny jeans and her Ugg boots. When I was her age I wore jeans and jumpers and enjoyed playing out. She hangs around with friends at the shops."
Cheryl is divorced and also has a 14-year-old son, Caspar. Despite paying for her little girl's waxing treatments, she does admit to being disturbed by the way her daughter dances.
"She does all this very sexy dancing, 'shaking your booty' I think it's called.
But she has no idea how sexual the moves are. I wonder what's going to be left for her when she actually becomes a teenager — where is it all headed?"
Indeed. Though it's impossible not to feel that Cheryl only has herself to blame for encouraging Belle to dress like an 18-year-old.
Surely, she and Bethany's mother Catherine could stop pandering to their daughters' unhealthy obsession with their looks and refuse to pay for it?
Catherine says: "If her nails need doing or the tan needs topping up, Bethany complains she doesn't feel right - a feeling lots of women can associate with."
Of course, the uncomfortable truth is that, like Belle, Bethany is not a woman, she's a child, one of thousands of young girls being bombarded by society's confused and damaging messages as they grow up — messages it appears are being reinforced by their mothers.
At a recent family party, Catherine recalls how a 14-year-old boy pursued her nine-year-old daughter.
"He wouldn't leave her alone all night, which made me feel very uncomfortable," says Catherine, who runs a furniture business with husband David, 42, in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire.
"But thankfully she told him she was nine and not interested in him.
"I felt a little guilty because of the part I play in Bethany looking older than she is, but all her friends are the same, and when she works hard at school I'm loath to deny her the beauty treats she loves."
Like the nymphets and faunlets in Nabokov's novel Lolita, British society, it seems, is fast breeding a generation of young girls being sexualised before their bodies have had time to develop.
It's a phenomenon once largely associated with America, where the spotlight fell on the high-pressure world of child pageants following the brutal, unsolved murder of six-year-old child model JonBenet Ramsey in 1996.
Now those same contests are being held up and down this country and children's charities are expressing concern.
Last week, it was reported that paedophiles were having online conversations about one British child pageant regular — 11-year-old Sasha Bennington. Sasha — with her bleach blonde hair and blue eyes — was a finalist in the Miss British Isles contest last year.

[Cumberland]

Those mothers are f$#@*d up.

[houseelf]

Hopefully, DD will develop curves like I did, which is to say, barely at all. I do think that teens that are genetically destined to develop larger chests do present a more difficult challenge to negotiate. (Besides, my little A cups aren't sagging a bit after two kids!).

I'm reading "The Wonder of Girls" which touches upon these things and how to combat them with family support, rules, good examples, and myriad other things. However, I'm not naive, peers do reign supreme at this age.

I hope my girl falls hard for a sport or the great outdoors. I think that it helps a LOT when girls see themselves as athletes as opposed to boy magnets.

I'm hoping anyway.

Kelly

I'm reading "The Wonder of Girls" which touches upon these things and how to combat them with family support, rules, good examples, and myriad other things. However, I'm not naive, peers do reign supreme at this age.

I hope my girl falls hard for a sport or the great outdoors. I think that it helps a LOT when girls see themselves as athletes as opposed to boy magnets.

Amen.

I can't imagine spending that much for all that waxing and tanning and crap. And then for a 12 year old? I would say they should pay for it themselves but they shouldn't be doing that in the first place -- at 12!

[mommax3]

When I think about this aspect of raising a girl, I am thankful that I don't have one. I am confronted with this issue on a daily basis during the school year, and it breaks my heart that my 7th and 8th grade students, most of whom are still children emotionally, are dressing in such a way that leaves almost nothing about their bodies to the imagination. We do have clothing guidelines, and I can't tell you how many times a girl's male teacher calls me at the beginning of my class with her to ask me to talk to her because he really feels that her clothing is inappropriate but was embarrassed to say anything. Usually it is a cleavage issue, and honestly, it could be due to a shirt that fit a month before, but doesn't any more due to growth. I wonder so often where these girls' parents are? It is sad, sad, sad.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

And here is the kicker.

We talk about video games being socially important....

I tried to restrict my daughter's clothing to what I felt was appropriate for a girl her age....and it did nothing to help her socially. It hurt her tremendously.

Unless you are willing to homeschool your kids, you'll end up having to cave....at least on some things.

When we went to school, there were also fashion rules that we had to follow like little sheep in order to not be ostracized. Sadly, it is the same thing here.

After I took Amanda out for a week to homeschool her, I went and bought her an entire new wardrobe full of aeropastale, old navy and all of the tanktops and crap that I had forbidden her...she even got her flip flops to wear to school....something that I opposed, but...."everyone else" was wearing them.

Bam....her entire social life turned around completely.

Sucks. But that is what it is.

I hate it....I wish that it weren't this way...but I also couldn't continue to watch her suffer and struggle with the social issues.

I also have strict rules about not showing the mid-section ,etc....but I have shown up at school to find that my daughter has pulled her pants down just enough to have her tummy showing.....like the rest of the girls. I have actually walked up to her in a group of girls to say "pull those pants up right now" (I am social suicide)....and when I say that, I direct it at all of the girls :>

But...Sally, maybe those parents are....me...trying their best to let their daughters find their way ....and have no idea when they take off their tank-tops to show inappropriate cleavage etc.

I am telling you all of my gray hairs come from mothering my daughter.


:huh:

[PrincessFiona]

Oh...I have to say that those pictures of those girls don't shock me at all. At least they are covered up and not wearing tank tops, which is the rage here. Tanktops and midrif jeans. God help me.

[rainbabies]

a little off topic..maybe not..has anyone seen mean girls? with lindsay lohan. i have not seen it, but saw the true hollywood story on E!

i think from what i saw, it seems to be soooo true...and sad. maybe i need to rent the movie.

[rainbabies]

oh, and the movie was based on a book, queen bees and wannabees

it's a great (funny) movie. both social commentary wise and just general immature humor wise. Tina Fey got the idea from Queen Bees and Wannabees, but it's not a story based on a story in there or anything.

[rainbabies]

but it's not a story based on a story in there or anything

oh, see what happens when i watch adult tv when the kids are awake. i dont hear right.

[Rapunzel]

Kris, you're right about the peer pressure dressing "rules".

And, dh and I will fully admit that is one of the many reasons we homeschool.

My FIVE YEAR OLD HOMESCHOOLED DAUGHTER has been begging me for MONTHS to wear makeup. Every time I say, "Why? You look so beautiful you don't need it." And, honestly, I think little girls DO look so beautiful they don't need any amplification. I mean, what other time in life do you have the most baby-perfect skin that just glows coupled with eyes that are still wide like a child's and the other facial characteristics that our society actually prizes?

So, what I have told all of my three oldest daughters is that they can start wearing lipgloss when they turn 12. Period. I will also teach them some basic hygiene at that age involving leg hair removal and eyebrow shaping. Funny story: One of my eight year old daughters asked me what leg waxing was and I told her - in detail. She was horrified and said that she never, ever wanted to have that done to her! :P I will bet she changes her mind after her first case of razor rash.

Anyway, my daughters will learn how to beautify themselves - but not in the poptart manner that is becoming so common in our society. After all, I'm not raising them to be pole dancers.

[Rapunzel]

I forgot to add:

We are religious and conservative in our dress. Therefore I refuse to buy any of my daughters anything that is sleeveless, low cut, or belly-baring. Their pants must cover their backsides when they bend over. Their skirts are usually skorts with built-in shorts unless they are below the knees. We do not buy them short-shorts. They wear one-piece bathing suits that are not cut suggestively.

And, I have made this my rule from the babyhood of my first two daughters. I figure that if I am going to expect this of them when they are older I'd better start it from the beginning so it is "normal" to them.

DH is often even more protective with the clothing issue than I am because he is petrified of predatory men and boys.