Follow Through?

[Phoebe]

I am unsure what to do in this situation. My 5.5 year old wanted to play soccer for her third season so I signed her up. She really only wanted to play because her friend did. They didn't end up onthe same team and my daughter is now vehemently bulking at participation. I also signed up to be the team mom way back in June. When interested, my daughter does very well. However, I really don't feel up to pressuring her every practice and game because it is too hot and she doesn't want to play.

Should I take her out? I don't really like teaching her that quitting is ok. Dh and I never wanted to quit anything.


Signed a confused mom.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Follow Through?

I am unsure what to do in this situation. My 5.5 year old wanted to play soccer for her third season so I signed her up. She really only wanted to play because her friend did. They didn't end up onthe same team and my daughter is now vehemently bulking at participation. I also signed up to be the team mom way back in June. When interested, my daughter does very well. However, I really don't feel up to pressuring her every practice and game because it is too hot and she doesn't want to play.

Should I take her out? I don't really like teaching her that quitting is ok. Dh and I never wanted to quit anything.


Signed a confused mom.

I'd say to keep her in for the season. She made a commitment and should understand that she's expected to abide by that. Plus, you made a commitment on her behalf to be Team Mom, and she should respect that, too. As another benefit, she has the opportunity to learn independence (she'll have to get out of her "comfort zone" of having friends already on the team, and need to make new friends) and may come to really appreciate her talents as a valuable component to the team.

[Momo]

My girlfriend had the same thing happen to them. She & her husband kept their daughter in, even though she protested.

Abigail, IMO, is right on the money w/ this one!

Re: Follow Through?

ITA with Abigail! Good luck!

Can something be worked out so that she can switch teams to be with her friend, or vice versa? This has happened to us twice before and we have been able to switch teams. If not, I would make her play. Not so much because of the commitment, b/c I'm not sure how much of that she would understand at this age, but because she will most likely end up having a good time with or without her friend - it would just be a lot more fun to play with a friend. As far as you being the team mom, they'll just find a replacement if you don't do it. No big deal in the grand scheme of things. Just my two cents...

[Momo]

I understand teaching the value of commitment but if she is not happy and does not like soccer what grand lesson will she learn in the end?

I will respectfully disagree. She has played before, therefore she understands . The problem is that she knows she is signed up and is now refusing...I'd say if mom had signed her up w/out her knowing , and then it was discovered she didn't want to play, then cancel it...no harm no foul. I just feel because she has played before and knows she's signed up for it again , that she needs to stick to it! I don't know about you guys but the big life lesson here is that life isn't always fun & fair, sometimes we have to endure commitments and follow through...plus , she has a great chance of making new friends (developing social skills and she'll probably have fun in the end!)

[Vanquisher]

I see vailid points in everyone's arguments, so I am all for go with whatever you WANT to do, and back it up with their highly effective arguments.

I agree with the suggestion to call the soccer organizer/registrar and ask if she can switch teams. A friend of mine is the registrar for our soccer club and has over 400 kids enrolled. So keep that in mind when you ask.

If you can switch them, I would prepare her for the possibility that they might not be together the whole time. They might get split up into different teams within that team for practice, etc.

I can't remember how old Bryn was -- maybe 3 and change? -- when she was really excited to take a ballet class. I signed her up, she was asking all day when she would go, and wanted to put on her leotard and tights. When we got there, she flat-out refused to particpate and sat in the corner. When the teacher would try to get her to join in, she would look at the floor. Honestly, it really ticked me off. We had to drive through some traffic to get there (still only 20 min or so), I *paid* for it, etc. Some time after the class, she told DH about how great ballet class was and how much she liked it. WTH?

I decided that because she asked for it and I signed up and paid for it, we were going. She didn't have to dance or sit with the class or anything but we would go and watch. (I realize now that I didn't need to be just as stubborn as she was). The last class, one of the students needed to run to the restroom and her parent didn't stay at the class. The teacher had to take her AND all the other kids. None of the other parents were in the classroom. I stayed with Bryn. As soon as everyone left, she started dancing AND was doing the steps that the teacher had been showing to the class. When they came back, she went back to zipping her lips and sitting at the back of the room.

All that to say -- she wasn't really ready to fully participate in the class. She does fine with them now. Neither of us were worse for wear for going and I think that would have been the same if we had skipped the classes. :huh:

[MDPhDWife]

ITA with Abigail. At least let her play a few games and see how her reaction is. My 6 year old daughter will be playing her 3rd year this season and last season we saw lots of girls come out of their shells. If she continues to be miserable after 1/2 the season has passed then reevaluate the options then.

[Sheherezade]

I'm with Tara. Clearly, us moms with older kids have just been beaten down by the activity extravaganza that is motherhood. I did the "You must honor your commitment" stuff with my first born at 5 and 6. Now, I let the younger one off the hook. I'm too busy running everyone all over town to worry about a 6 year old's softball games. It's way down my list. (I agree with Annie's sage advice as well.....do whatever keeps you sane!) In the big scheme of things, I can't see how it matters. there is just so much going on - and I don't remember the activities I weaseled out of at five. Was I in ballet? Who knows? I was FIVE!

Of course, this could also be how first borns end up being Type A and middle and later children end up more laid back.

Don't stress. It's all good.

[planet]

I'm with Tara. Clearly, us moms with older kids have just been beaten down by the activity extravaganza that is motherhood. I did the "You must honor your commitment" stuff with my first born at 5 and 6. Now, I let the younger one off the hook. I'm too busy running everyone all over town to worry about a 6 year old's softball games. It's way down my list. (I agree with Annie's sage advice as well.....do whatever keeps you sane!) In the big scheme of things, I can't see how it matters. there is just so much going on - and I don't remember the activities I weaseled out of at five. Was I in ballet? Who knows? I was FIVE!

Of course, this could also be how first borns end up being Type A and middle and later children end up more laid back.

Don't stress. It's all good.

Listen, live and learn Janet. My initial thought was to crack down about commitment...but Angie you have such a good point. Kids get ideas on their scale, but maybe the idea of honoring a large commitment is a bit much to ask. I have no idea what I did at 5.

[DCJenn]

Ok- here's the namby-pamby answer of all time: do what feels right for you.

I think everyone raises valid points. I know that we were thrown into swim team with zero desire OR ability to swim because my mother needed us to have an activity so she could do things like run to the grocery store unencumbered. They ended up being part of the parent supports- my dad was the 'starter', a score keeper, team photographer, etc. and mom sold the doughnuts and jello. It became as much of a social outlet for them as it was for us.

and honestly, I don't know what I would do if it were me.

Jenn

[Phoebe]

There are over 400 kids in this league too so switching wasn't an option according to the comissioner. However, her friend was accidently put on a 1st grade team when she is supposed to be in the 5yr old league so we are rallying to get her on our team. Haven't heard yet.

I am still undecided. Initally, Avery is afraid of everything. Once she feels comfortable she ends up enjoying herself in any activity from playdates to school or sports. She is very much like her father! She is warming up to the idea so she may play after all. Practice is Wednesday so we will see if she likes it.

On the other hand, my 3.5 year old wants to do everything and isn't afraid of trying new things unless she feeds off of her sister.

Thanks for the suggestions.

[houseelf]

Just to add another thought...In my handbook du jour, "The Wonder of Girls", the author suggests that the critical time for sports involvement is 10-13 for skils, confidence, interest. Maybe it is time to put it on the shelf and wait to get her excited in a couple more years.

Kelly