Resetting Bedtime

[PrincessFiona]

Suggestions and comments appreciated here!

Bedtime routine is something we really let go of the last couple of years...kind of out of necessity...but as our lives gain that semblance of normal, dh and I are really at odds on how to reign it all in again.

Andrew (almost 13) is not a problem....Usually, I just tell him it's bedtime and he'll go through his own bedtime routine.

Alex is the same. He is my "good sleeper" usually.

Amanda, however, is a different story. She's 11 going on 16 and I get a "it's only 8.30, it's summer, you are the worse mom ever...all of my friends get to stay up until 10.30....." and on and on. We all kept late hours this summer, but it's time to put things back together and get ready for school to start. Because Amanda is so disruptive, I can't get Aidan or Zoe to bed...and then often she disrupts Alex and Andrew after the littler ones are finally settled.

I need some good suggestions for appropriate bedtimes for my pre-teens (12 1/2 and 11), my 8 year old...and for dealing with a child (my 11 year old) who doesn't like to sleep in her own room and bugs all the other kids and keeps them up at night.

Play Super Nanny here...and I promise to try what you suggest.

Kris

[planet]

I just caught up on your blog. Is it possible to have Amanda stay in her room only? Maybe she can be allowed to set her own bedtime as long as she stays in her room and is quiet?! Then you can focus on the rest? I understand that getting her to stay put may be as diffuicult as getting her to go to bed earlier.

eta: We did family bed and it was only recently that the guys started sleeping well on their own. So I shouldn't talk. Our next though will not be in our bed. On the other hand, I wouldn't trade the snuggles and warm floppy body memories for anything.

[Michele]

I think maybe you just need to work on consistency...says the mom who still wakes every 2 hours to be a pacifier.....anyway that's what my book says to do.

I think having a quiet time...everyone go to their room kinda thing is a good idea. And then Amanda and Alex can read or whatever but they have to be quiet and in their rooms.

Or maybe since everyone likes the family bed idea....you can have everyone snuggle together on the floor in the living room....lights dim, and let the older two take turns reading a story or two to the whole crew...Zoe with her bottle...then move everyone back to their rooms.

It sounds like you are starting the process too late. The littlest ones should probably be asleep by 7:30 or 8pm and then Amanda and Alex should probably be asleep by 9pm at the latest. If the bedtime routine takes 2 hours, you should try to start around 5:30.

Again....this is all coming from a non-BTDT, so take what you can and leave the rest.


Oh and we're have sleep issues too. I'm trying to make Daegan's bedtime earlier b/c he's overtired it seems and now I get to put him to bed before Russ is home....or just as Russ is coming home and the dogs are barking and I'm starving because I haven't mastered this eating alone thing.....ok I'll stop now.

[diggitydot]

I wish I could give you some thoroughly well-thought out advice, Kris. Our oldest DD is about the same age (will be 12 in November) and is the most freakishly responsible kid I've ever known. It's like I gave birth to an 80 year old lady.

What I've started doing is having our two youngest hit the hay at 8PM, and letting oldest DD stay up until 8:30PM or maybe until 9PM. It gives the two of us a little time to reconnect/cuddle/chat/hang-out, sans sibs. Maybe something like that would help Amanda with some of her hot/cold behavior towards you? Or, maybe give her the choice between hanging out with you after the younger sibs are in bed or quietly reading in her room until X time. No TV, radio, iPod, etc...just reading.

Maybe try something like this:

1.) Younger ones begin their getting-ready-for-bed routine shortly after dinner clean-up.
2.)After they're settled in bed, give Amanda some time with you or by herself quietly reading...but ONLY if she behaves respectfully towards you and those trying to sleep.
3.)This privilege can only continue as long as she remains responsible in her behavior.

Yeah, it's a LOT like bribery, but..whatever. Whoever said you shouldn't bribe your kids likely never had any.

[DCJenn]

I was going to suggest the same thing. We had to go to bed at 9 for what seemed like forever but we could read while we were there. and definitely no TV, games, ipod because that'll just stimulate her.

and if we stayed up all night reading, we had to get up and function just like any other day. That's a steep learning curve that I still have problems with though.

Jenn

[Meenah]

When the girls were 12 & 13 the school night was upstairs at 9pm to get ready for bed, in the bed by 9:30 and they could quietly read. They were both usually asleep by 9:45. Friday & Sat nights I let them stay up until 11:00, sometimes later. I was very selfish and wanted some ME TIME!!!! The key to making this work was sticking to it.

[Sheherezade]

We've got the eight year old at 8:30 -- lights out by nine. The eleven year old goes in at 9:15 and can read with his book light until 10. He always goes to sleep before that, though. Our biggest struggle is convincing the younger one to go to bed before the older one. That's a nightmare.

Good luck!!