Little Girls Growing Up To Soon Part II...

[PrincessFiona]

Looking for advice.

In light of the other great thread on this, it seems like many of you have either experienced this some way or are finding ways to keep your girls from falling down this path.

I'd love some thoughts on how I can steer Amanda clear of it this year.

We're getting ready to go back-to-school shopping. This summer has been pretty low key in terms of fashion and make-up needs...but I think this is also partly because the friend that she hung out with most of the time is very low key and is not interested in all "that jazz".

With school approaching, she has been starting to get phone calls from the group of girls from last year that makes me want to gauge my eyes out....I don't feel like I can forbid these friendships. I want her to be strong enough personally that she makes the right choices, but I am already seeing it. The one particular girl wears clothes that are too small. They are 11 years old and the girl buys size 7/8 clothing for herself so that it is skin tight.

Amanda went shopping with her and her mom last week at Target and came back with a lovely shirt...but in a size 7/8. It isn't seersucker tight, but...it doesn't fit her right.

This girl also convinced Amanda to *borrow* two of Zoe's sweatshirts that were size 12 MONTHS and wear them like some cool fashion statement over tank tops.

I can't stop the peer pressure. How can I make my little girl stronger so that she doesn't feel the need to...give in to it?

I have decided to cave again on the mascara, but I'm buying CLEAR....I just don't want infections.

kris

[DCJenn]

Kris-

pull up that site that someone posted here- that shows the 'real' actresses vs. their air brushed pictures. (you can even say, "hey, Amanda, come check this out" rather than "we need to sit and have a Very Serious Discussion.")

maybe even let her play around with some photography sites to see how they do it- and then you can talk about how even the 'movie stars' don't look like movie stars when they're not computer assisted.

and you can buy some Teen fashion magazines and go through them together, ostensibly to get some ideas for school clothes and you can talk about what you like and what she likes and WHY.

You're right about the peer pressure. She needs to have the thick skin to withstand it and to know what her own boundaries are. Ask her what she thought about the wearing Zoe's clothes idea. Don't judge- just ask her. She may well agree that it was silly.

Jenn

[Michele]

:huh: Get her into grunge music??

[migirl]

Re: Little Girls Growing Up To Soon Part II...

No advice, but

This girl also convinced Amanda to *borrow* two of Zoe's sweatshirts that were size 12 MONTHS and wear them like some cool fashion statement over tank tops.

O.M.G.

[Bittersweet]

Not a parent ... but as a girl who used to carry a change of clothes in her backpack to change into once I got to school I agree with Annie's advice.

As neat as the airbrushing website is it wouldn't have done a lot for me. I didn't want to look like a model as much as I wanted to look like the "cool kids" at school. I just plain wanted to fit in. I was a good kid who made a lot of right choices but the desire to look just like my friends was too much and I needed the oversight of my mom. Best of luck, Amanda will find her way.

[houseelf]

Like Annie, I hesitate to even offer an opinion because I'm not there yet. I agree that talk, talk, talking is your best bet.

Ask things like, do you think that look is a good look for you? How do you think wearing that will make you feel about yourself ...deep down. What do you think it means to be pretty? Fit in? Is that in conflict with the need to fit in and be accepted? What do your friends think about that look? What is the healthiest way to express yourself?

All of this is why I plan on moving to Montana to form a commun when DD becomes a tween.

Kelly

[DCJenn]

Um, Kelly- it's in the south of France, honey.

Jenn

[peggyfromwastate]

Kris, I totally understand where you are coming from, and while my DD Kate (also 11) has not tried to wear something way out there yet, I can see it as "one bad influence away".

She and I talk about it a lot, and she knows what we think is appropriate, and we talk about how models are faked out thru photoshop, and how boys in mid school and worse high school think about 1 thing, but ultimately you an I need to give ourselves a break!



Our girls will make bad decisions, and some good ones, and I think it's great that you are talking with her about this stuff, and are taking her shopping with you, and are willing to treat her opinions as valid. It is really hard to be a dictator about what she wears, but it's ok to say that you don't like something, and that you won't buy it, but that she can save up...

I really empathize with you! Let us know how the shopping trip goes!