What do you do....

[PrincessFiona]

When you don't like your child's friend?

Amanda's BFF is a child that I really...really...really don't like. This little girl has a history of being mean, swearing, writing nasty letters to my daughter and anorexia...though the eating disorder issue has been disputed.

My daughter will do anything that this little girl tells her to. If Amanda wears a shirt to school that this little girl doesn't like, she will refuse to speak to Amanda all day and will categorically ignore her....and Amanda will come home and throw away the shirt.

Amanda and this girl are in 6 classes together this year. None of Amanda's *nice* friends are in class with her.

This friend of hers doesn't like any of Amanda's nice friends and so Amanda is not "allowed" to sit with them at lunch.



advice?


kris

We moved. :>

j/k

Mostly.

Not at all the reason we moved but a side benefit. They are in the same class at school but I switched soccer teams so they aren't together there.

Much easier with a 7 yo, I imagine.

[Vishenka69]

Around junior high I had some friends that my mom didn't like for various reasons. She limited my time with them. Didn't forbid it, but limited it in a sneaky way and made sure we spent most of our time at our house under her supervision. At the time I didn't see all her angles. She was good. Friends change a lot as this age. I think the goal is just to ride it out with the least amount of damage and enabling other friendships. If the friend does something endangering to Amanda or unacceptable to your family then all bets are off. You're entitled to forbid that at your own house.

Junior high was such a hard time for me. I remember my mom smoking on and off during this time. I didn't make life easy for her.

Very similar to what my mom did, although mine continued smoking throughout my whole life. She also limited my time with them and once in high school I had all new friends.

[planet]

I had a friend who had the most amazing family. Good kids, wonderful parents. I remember asking them their secret. Both parents agreed that it was all about steering the friends. They never forbid certain friends, but would make it easier or harder to maintain those friendships. So, if they were going somewhere fun they would allow the kids to invite 'preferred' friends or if the undesired friends invited their kids to things they would offer more enticing alternatives. I thought it was good advice...but the family did only have two kids. I wouldn't hesitate to request classroom/schedule etc changes to remove the influence of the mean kid, if that is possible. I figure it is ok for her to be mad at you now for the sake of taking her down a better path. Sucks though.

[Rapunzel]

Keep your friends close.

Keep your enemies closer.

Keep your children's friends closest.



Seriously, that is our philosophy right now. And, the reason why we're going to try to make our home as attractive as possible to teenagers so that they will stay at OUR house when they want to hang out (under our watchful eyes).

[houseelf]

Will Amanda and E be going to separate schools next year? Hopefully, you can get through this year and start over next year?

Kelly

[Momo]

Keep your friends close.

Keep your enemies closer.

Keep your children's friends closest.



Seriously, that is our philosophy right now. And, the reason why we're going to try to make our home as attractive as possible to teenagers so that they will stay at OUR house when they want to hang out (under our watchful eyes).

That's soo us! DH & I were just discussing this very same thing (again) the night before last!

[PrincessFiona]

Well, we try and make it very difficult to have the girls get together outside of school but I make it very easy for her "good" friends to come over. The thing is..this girl is very *popular* (probably more because the other girls are afraid of her than anything else). Amanda doesn't want to give up her perception of her social ranking boost..

ugh

[diggitydot]

Both parents agreed that it was all about steering the friends. They never forbid certain friends, but would make it easier or harder to maintain those friendships.

This is pretty much what we do, too. We don't outright forbid specific friends, but we limit our kids' exposure to the ones we're not fond of. That kind of nips it in the bud since they don't really get enough face time with them to bond into BFF's.

Our girls are already pretty good about weeding out and avoiding the frenemies in their groups of friends. Our son is just nice to everyone and doesn't really care if people are jerks, yet. I'm not sure if that's just a Kindergarten thing or a boy thing, though.