play group politics again -- sort of

[Flynn]

Sigh. I'm planning my second movie night. The first one was a big hit!

There's been a bit of a natural split in the mom's group I've been adopted into....it's mostly polite but since I'm new I'm very much out of the conflict.

There are the mom's who think the kid who hits and acts out EVERYTIME we meet should be overlooked because " the mom is struggling and we need to support her" while the other moms are distancing themselves from her tired of their children going home with bruises and the mom of the kid in question does NOTHING.

Since most of the kids are in morning pre-school this year meeting during the week isn't possible so that has taken care of itself.

I made the command decision to invite who I wanted to invite plus some of my friends NOT in the mom's group and wouldn't you know it, today (about 8 hours after I sent the invite via email) I get a "why isn't Suzie invited?"

AWKWARD.


I invited 6 out of 11 of the mom's group and those 6 have communicated to me outside of the group multiple times so they are becoming friends in their own right.

I won't bore you with the rest of the story.
It's NOT a Mom's night movie night. It's a ladies movie night. It's my house. WHY do I feel uncomfortable??????



I gave the woman who asked about why Suzie wasn't invited a lame response about space in the media room. When it comes to this stuff I'm a bit wimpy.

whomever asked why Suzie isn't invited is rude. just make clear this is not a mom's group gathering, this is a party that you're having at your home. you don't feel like you and Suzie have clicked, and you decided to invite those you feel most comfortable with (including people outside the group). if you'd invited 10 of the 11 (with Suzie being the only holdout), then I could see there being more of a question.

[PrincessFiona]

That is awkward.

I don't have any advice. I doubt the person in question was being rude. Maybe she is just curious and/or she is friend with the uninvited mom.

If I were in your shoes I would just say something about the space in the media room, the fact that it isn't a mom's club gathering and....let it rest at that.

I would expect this to be the end of the mom's playgroup as you know it ... word will get back to the uninvited moms. It sux. It's just mommy politics that we all know and love.

It is very frustrating to deal with a child who acts out like that and I'm not sure what I would do. I had one of those kids myself and have sat on the sidelines because of her...and...I have had my children be the victims of that kind of acting out too and have suffered that frustration (like the last two weeks with our visitors from the UK).

:huh:

kris

[DCJenn]

You owe no explanations, in fact the more you try to explain the more you dig yourself into that hole.

Don't worry about it. Suzie is a big girl and she surely doesn't expect to go to every social event in the larger circle.

Jenn

[alison]

You owe no explanations, in fact the more you try to explain the more you dig yourself into that hole.

Don't worry about it. Suzie is a big girl and she surely doesn't expect to go to every social event in the larger circle.

Jenn

Ditto. I'm not a parent, but you don't have to explain yourself. Let her be curious.

Re: play group politics again -- sort of

You could answer her with this...

It's NOT a Mom's night movie night. It's a ladies movie night.

...and the guest list is set.

Or, you could just lay your cards on the table and say, "Suzie is in the group that believes it's ok for Bad Kid X to hit my kid and I disagree with that, so she's not invited."

I agree with DCJenn.

We've had some people come in and out of our bookgroup and as a result not everyone has the updated email circulation list. For a while we all double checked the list and would have asked if someone was missing. But that is when we are sticking to a specific group.

If you haven't clicked with her, you shouldn't have to invite her and it isn't a playgroup thing since you are inviting others. I would just throw out there that if is this is a no-kids thing, it might be a different way to get to know her.

I can't remember if I mentioned this somewhere before but I have really struggled with this situation with a friend of mine. Her kids are ill-behaved (ALL the time) and have at times been aggressive with mine. I'm ok with a hit here or there with preschoolers learning to play if it is appropriately dealt with. This stuff wasn't dealt with and it was, IMO, beyond the learning to play together stuff. Anyway....I do really like the mom but I have a hard time liking her when I'm around her kids. I don't have a defined playgroup like you but this has come up time and again with informally organized playdates. sorry...hijack over. I could write a book about this.

Try not to worry about it. You are having your friends over to hang out, not hosting a mom's group function. If anyone else asks (which they shouldn't b/c that is totally rude) just tell them you are having a mix of friends over and didn't feel the need to invite your entire group. Or just say "It's my party, I can ask who I want!" and stick your tongue out at them.

Have fun planning and enjoy your girl's night!

[Flynn]

Thanks guys.

I honestly invited ANYONE who has ever attempted to be generous to me or my kids....there are some moms you don't click with and you can't invite everyone. Not possible.

I was a little annoyed someone would ask if there was a mistake -- but couched it as "not trying to put you on the spot." Sure you weren't. Yeah right.

The fact that we've been here a year and am having trouble keeping the guest list smallish is something to celebrate. I've worked hard, lucked out by meeting some great people, and I have real friends here. Go figure.

[Flynn]

What are you watching?

We are going to make our way through all of our favorite movies. This time we're watching "The Notebook" which is the favorite of one of the mom's who just turned 30. We're going to bring our wedding albums or one picture to share with the group.

It should be fun.

The women all have diverse movie tastes so next time we'll watch "Romeo and Juliet" with Leo and Claire Danes -- yet another fav of one of the women in the group. Maybe I'll get everyone to talk about their "first loves."

[Vanquisher]

Re: play group politics again -- sort of

I love The Notebook. :sosad: