Best time to have kids?

[peony]

I'm a post-bacc premed student and my husband is a 3rd yr med student. We would like to have our first child at the very latest during my 4th yr of med school (right after residency interviews), but ideally we'd like to have our second child then and our first child earlier. Taking into account that I have one more year of premed classes and a yr of applying (my husband and I will be a first yr resident and first yr med student together, respectively), when would be the ideal time to have a child?

My husband seems to think that giving birth during the break between 1st and 2nd yr would be ideal because then I'd have some school under my belt, but my 2nd yr would be much lighter than my 3rd yr. Also, does anyone know if schools are nice about letting you deccelerate to 5 yrs if you want to stay at home for a year? Another option is having the baby right after my med school interviews are over and then deferring a year. This is appealing because I wouldn't have to have a break in my studies.

BTW, we are 24 and 28, and my husband strongly wants to go into a lifestyle specialty with decent hrs. Thanks!!

[Auspicious]

Re: Best time to have kids?

This question is a perennial favorite and the consensus always seems to be "there is no ideal time, it's just whenever is best for you." Everyone has so many mitigating factors to consider. It seems like you've already put a lot of good thought into your specific situation.

My only advice is be wary of depending on hitting too narrow a window, like the short break between MS1 and MS2--I think that's only like a month, and your chances of accurately planning your birth down to the specific month are slim. Also if you aim to give birth during MS4 after residency interviews, would you be going on interviews visibly pregnant? That could be a tough sell to residency programs.

My husband seems to remember several births during MS3, and those women then taking 5 years to finish--I have no idea if schools or residencies were nice about that, though. Maybe someone who had kids during med school will know more.

Good luck, and welcome!

Re: Best time to have kids?

What Julie said.

And I love your username. Peonies are one of my favorite flowers.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Thanks Julie! Do you really think schools will be negative if I'm pregnant on residency interviews? I guess my idea of being pregnant during med school interviews might not fly. Thanks for your feedback though!

Most likely I would take a yr off btw 1st and 2nd year if we did it then. You're right about that window!

Re: Best time to have kids?

I think she is correct about it being negative if you are showing. I would work based on that assumption.

[Auspicious]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Yeah, I think most prospective employers would consider it a mark against an applicant, and residency programs are particularly hardcore prospective employers.

[DCJenn]

Re: Best time to have kids?

I would say that while it may not hurt you to be showing...it certainly won't help in a field where looking out for #1 is still status quo.

Jenn

[Flynn]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Yeah, I think most prospective employers would consider it a mark against an applicant, and residency programs are particularly hardcore prospective employers.

Welcome!

I agree wtih Auspicious and Cupcake. Most residency programs are maximizing hours due to the 80 hour rule. A resident gone for maternity leave impacts the system significantly and everyone around you has to work longer. It shouldn't be that way, but usually this is the case. I wouldn't interview while pregnant if you can avoid it.

Another factor to consider is childcare during residency. Even if you choose a family friendly medical path (family practice for example) you will work more than 40 hours a week during residency. Do you have a plan for childcare? Can you swing it financially?

Just a few more things to consider.

Again, WELCOME!

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Thanks for your feedback, gals! So if I was to have a child sometime earlier than 4th year, is there another time you recommend? I totally understand the "no good time" thing, but seeing the huuuuge difference in hrs my husband has worked his 3rd yr vs. 1st and 2nd years make me think there must be better times than others.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

From my DH's experience and the girls in his class I would say year 1 or 2 of medical school is probably better but then you have to answer Flynn's question with you as a medical student and DH as a resident do you have child care plans? Honestly it might be better to wait until your DH is out of residency and you're in residency but then you won't be getting to take a year off. I don't know about other medical schools but DH's let students stretch into 5 only if there was an educational reason, like research, for child birth they got the usual 12 weeks.

[peony]

Re: Best time to have kids?

Thanks Cheri! Childcare is definitely a big issue, but fortunately DH's parents have told us they'd move to help us with that. DH generally only had 3 hrs of class a day during 1st and 2nd year, so I hope whatever school I attend has a similar schedule and I can study at home w/ my child.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Best time to have kids?

I think time off and deferring wil depend entirely on the school. I know at DH's med school they're were quite a few female students who had kids and I don't recall any of them deferring. I remember one of the gals returning to finish her surgery rotation three days after giving birth. The only students we knew of who took 5 instead of 4 years were students who took a year off to do research or those who failed a year. I also agree there is no perfect time. You can plan to have a baby in X month then it may take you months and months to get pregnant. I think childcare is also something to consider because even lifestyle specialties have to go through residency. Unless you're going to go into something like PM&R residency is not going to a 9-5, weekends off kind of gig. And even for PM&R, intern year is the same as it is for everyone else...80-100 hour work weeks. And sometimes more since you just have to have an "average" of 80 hours over a 4 week period. And there are many programs that don't adhere to the 80 work week simply becuase they don't have enough people to cover all their patients. Unfortunately, the fact of medicine is that it waits for no one and cares about no one but itself.

[fluffhead]

Re: Best time to have kids?

DW was visible pregnant during res. interviews. While most interviewers were aware that they were forbidden from mentioning it, they certainly raised eyebrows.
We did, however, match at our #1 choices (prelim and main), and she was actively courted by other top programs.
I don't think it was detrimental.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Best time to have kids?

3 hours of class a day during years 1 & 2 - others can pipe in too but it definitely didn't work that way at DH's medical school.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Best time to have kids?

3 hours of class a day during years 1 & 2 - others can pipe in too but it definitely didn't work that way at DH's medical school.

Defintely wasn't that way for us too. DH and I did undergrad with an infant and studying at home with one is easier said than done. Same for medical school. DS was 2.5 when we started and we had DD during MS2 and DH would leave the house before 6am and come home by 5pm with all his studying done. It made family life A LOT easier. If you have family to help it may not be that bad but studying with children at home can be a frustrating task for all parties involved.