I am so tired

My 6 month old will not sleep through the night. It's not even that he gets up once or twice. He is up 3,4,and 5 times a night. I can't take it...I am so exhausted. I am homeschooling my preschooler also, so I think all in all everything is just draining me. I have no family around me...both sides are 3000 miles away. I hate to bother my dh, he is under enough stress with classes and studying. He doesn't need to worry about me. Sometimes I feel like I have to be superwoman...and handle everything. Ok..sorry to vent...I need some candles and a bath really badly...lol. That should relax me. Yaaaaaawwwnnnn! Anyway, thanks for listening. I am really glad I found this board.

Man, I know how that is. My youngest is 2 and I had him 2 months into my husbands internship. My kids always took forever to sleep through the night (especially since I breastfed exclusively) so like yours, he was up several times a night. Plus we had just moved and my older two were in kindergarten and first grade - I had to get up and get them ready for school every morning to boot. At times I was so tired I wouldn't even remember if I had shower or not but then realized I didn't care. And of course, dh was busy with residency and sleep-deprived himself so I did it all myself. I feel for you - I was there!

[houseelf]

While that first year is amazing, it is also extremely intense, even in the best case scenarios. You are under a lot of stress, particularly since you are doing it alone. As far as the getting up in the middle of the night thing, I found that my little guy never slept for more than four hours while I continued to nurse him and while we co-slept. In twelve months, I never had a full nights sleep. I'm definitely pro-nursing, but the sleep deprivation put a strain on every aspect of my life. Armed with this knowledge, I may do things differently next time. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm praying for sleepful nights for you and your family. Here's hoping for a restful night!

Kelly

Thanks for your posts guys!

We co-sleep in the same room (not bed at this point). We co-slept with our now 4 year old, and he just got out of the bed when we had the new baby 6 months ago. I don't nurse anymore (altho I am pro-nursing), but the baby needed more than I could give him, but I am still feeding him bottles in the middle of the night. At first I thot it was growth spurts, but geez...it's one neverending growth spurt...lol...anyway..thanks a bunch for your prayer for my sleep. !!Have a great week!!!!

[mommax3]

I went through this with my second and third babies. My first was a great sleeper, although he was difficult in every other possible way! I do not do well at all when I am sleep deprived and I was in serious trouble with this third one (he turned one in September) because I had to get up to get my oldest to school by eight each morning -- a challenge I didn't have when my second was a baby. I nursed all three of my boys, but never co-slept (regularly, at least) mainly because my husband refused to be deprived of sleep on the nights when he actually had a shot at a good night's rest. I couldn't really blame him.

I found that turning one was the "answer" for my boys. My husband took pity on me with the third one and slept on the hide-a-bed close to the baby so I could sleep one weekend. (He isn't a resident anymore, btw ) My whole outlook changed!

I am so bad in the middle of the night and so paranoid that a crying baby will wake the other kids that I would just automatically pick the baby up, instead of giving them a chance to work it out themselves. I finally had to learn to do that with my youngest, because most of the time he wasn't really awake (even though he would scream loud enough to wake the dead) and would stop faster if we didn't mess with him than if we picked him up and tried to feed him or whatever.

We finally ended up putting him in his port-a-crib in a room at the other end of the house from us and closing the door. I could hear him if he was crying, but from a distance, his occasional LOUD outbursts did not seem so urgent and he began sleeping through the night. I know that sounds awful, but I really felt like my sanity was at stake -- I was losing my temper several times a day and every little thing that happened seemed like it was going to put me over the edge. Bear in mind that the baby was 8 or 9 months old at this point. He slept there for a few months, and then we moved him back to his room, next door to us. We haven't had any problems since then. Please don't think I am an uncaring mom! But since many of us do most of the parenting, day AND night, by ourselves, sometimes we get into a vicious cycle and don't know when to cut ourselves a break because we are literally so exhausted that we aren't in our right minds. So I guess I thought I would post this just in case it helps somebody!

I hope you are getting more sleep now.

Sally

[SueC]

We let both of ours "cry it out" when they were somewhere around 6 months--I was actually afraid to post that here because I suggested it to someone once on another board and I was told it was cruel and my kids would be maladjusted! Anyhow, after 3 nights, they were sleeping through the night! Anyhow, just thought I'd second Sally's advice! Hope you get some sleep soon!!!

This is a little off topic but ...

I knwo that this discussion is about parenting and sleep deprivation, but could I ask if any of you ladies have actually given birth while your husband's were residents? See, DH and I are thinking it is about time we started a family ... but I really don't want all his other resident buddies up at the hospital when I am giving birth. My ob/gyn is a great lady and an attending, but that is a little different, at least to me.

Does anyone have any experience or advice?

Aisha

[mommax3]

Aisha,

I had my middle son at the end of my husband's intern year, and he is an OB/GYN so EVERYONE in the dept. was very interested in things -- in a nice way -- so I know what you mean. I had a staff doctor take care of me, but when I went in to have the baby, the doctor who admitted me and broke my water was a guy who was a year ahead of my husband, and someone we socialized with. I had thought earlier on in my pregnancy that it would be too weird to be seen by one of our friends, but when I was right in the middle of it, I got over it, and it wasn't weird afterwards, either. Most of my third pregnancy took place during the end of my husband's residency and I saw a resident for my appts., a woman that we were (and are) close to who was in her last year of residency also. It wasn't weird at all.

I think that your husband's colleagues will respect your right to privacy. Everyone is different about things like that. (What is your husband's specialty? I forget! ) In retrospect, being far from family and old friends during residency, it was nice to have a group of people who were so interested in me and in the baby, and who could say that they had known him since he was born! It provided us with a sense of community that we still haven't found since we left residency a little over a year ago. Our third son was born last September, about six weeks after we moved here, and it has been so sad to me that no one (here) is interested in his development or whatever -- of course, we are interested, as is our extended family, but we don't really have any close friends here and my husband and his colleauges just don't have that close relationship that my husband had with fellow residents. So, all the attention isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you aren't shoved to far outside your comfort zone.

I will be waiting for a happy announcement from you sometime soon now!

Sally

Sally -

thanks for the good advice and happy memories of having a baby while your husband was in residency. DH is an intern in Family Medicine but as you probably know, they spend several months on OB rotations each year and at least one rotation a year in GYN.

I guess I see your point ... it might seem like an issue now, but when the time comes I will probably not care. DH came home last night and it seems a resident's wife delivered last night and a bunch of ladies from the auxillary club (the spouse's of med students/residents/fellows) came up to the hospital at like 1am to congratulate her. That I thought was cool. But again, I didn't actually join the auxillary club so that is really a non-issue .

Speaking of groups or clubs for spouses of med students/residents/fellows, do any of you belong to one? I received a bunch of info when the residency first started but never felt really interested ... they have baby play dates, swimming parties, Bible study ... but since we don't have children yet and all, well, I just didn't think it would be worth it. Now I am thinking that maybe it could be fun So did any of you ladies join something similar? How did it go?

Aisha

[mommax3]

Aisha,

I didn't join the "formal" auxilliary group in San Antonio, but the OB/GYN dept. was big enough that a lot of the wives (and a few husbands) got together and had some monthly events. It was a very positive thing for me -- I suggest you check it out and at least get to know some of the other spouses. It is refreshing to get to know someone else on their own terms instead of trying to chat with them at some medical function. There were some women without kids that came to our meetings every once in a while and we were always happy to see them.

Sally

Hi, we have an SO organization

and it is great! We have playgroup on 2 days...there are lots of kids, so they divided the group. We have a pool day on Fridays. We have lunch dates, drop off days so mom can get out, movie nights for the kids and then we can go on a date with our husband. It is great. There are at least 3-4 things planned every week..sometimes more, that we can choose to do. Some weeks I go to a few things, other weeks are busy and I don't go to anything, but it is really nice to have the support there.

Thanks for the feedback ladies ... hummm, maybe I will pull out the contact information and try to see if I can join. There are always department get togethers (there was a Halloween party at an attendings hosue this last weekend) or a picnic or something and I know all the interns (and their wives/husbands for those who are married) and a few of the R2's very well ... ie. we eat at each other's houses and go shopping,etc. One of the other interns and I are trying to set up a twice monthly get together for the interns ... we had one get together so far LOL but everyones schedule is crazy because after all they are interns .
I don't know ... you are right ... will try and join the "official" group and have some fun

Aisha

[SueC]

I realize the discussion has moved from giving birth to belonging to groups (which I don't belong to one unless you count this board!), but I thought I'd comment on giving birth while hubby is a resident. I did twice and both my husband and I were a little uncomfortable with going to the hospital that he works at so I gave birth at another hospital. Is that a possibility for you? It was nice to have our privacy, and also I didn't have to worry about my husband getting pulled away, which is what did happen when our daughter was a patient at the hospital he works at!

Sue - this was my initial thought, to just go to another hospital as a med student's wife who is a friend did this. But she also had an induced birth at 39 weeks because the next closest hospital (other than a VA hospital where there will also be residents from our program) is 35 miles away.

I quess I will have to wait and see how I feel about it ... not even pregnant, so I have a while to work out my feelings

Thanks for everyone's input though

Aisha

[DCJenn]

Asiha-

Does Darnell take people from the community? (that's Fort Hoods hospital?) Just a thought. I know that both the Army and the Air Force hospitals here take civilian traumas and also will see civilian peds cases occasionally.

Jenn