No Sissies Allowed

[Phoebe]

So 10 million decisions a day for the non-fainted-at-heart. What was I thinking? Kris, BTDT people, smarter ones help me out here. I am tired of arguing and choosing my battles with my very persistent 6 yr old who wants to grow up too fast. Now I am not the favorite parent because I am mean which was announced at dinner tonight. I am the only one home this week to enforce rules. It gets tiring. Just two examples of the oh-so-fabulous-whiny (wish I could say wine) weekend.

Rule #1 Makeup bought by friend as birthday gift is for play not to be worn out of house. See, I don't have any makeup on and I am going out of the house Therefore, dark purple eye shadow covering entire eye is unexceptable to wear to your sister's friend's birthday party. No you can't put more on after I make you take it off. I am sorry you cry after I take your make up away because you can't follow the rules.

Rule #2 A halter top that falls down is not to be worn in 55 degree weather without a sweater eventhough Maya wore the same exact shirt to school yesterday without a sweater. I am sorry you opt for heavy black jacket when this cute little pink shrug matches and goes with the outfit and won't be too hot. Note to self: Do not be talked into buy halter tops anymore at home parties for kid's clothes.
http://www.matildajaneclothing.com Some cute stuff, pricey though!

Please give tips on how to endure the next 16 years of this without going insane. Did I mention that my husband wants another child? I am not so sure anymore. :huh:

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

just keep doing what you're doing... in my experience, there's been no magic bullet to tame Kate's strong willed tendencies-- and she would have the same kind of meltdowns as you described- makeup, outfits, etc.

She's no picnic now, but as she has gotten older, the arsenal of things to restrict her from has gotten bigger too. Internet restriction is a particularly useful discipline tool- she goes to school and hears about what her friends did on line, etc. That's her biggest impetus for behaving at home, unfortunately... When she was 6 or so? There was *nothing* I could do. I canceled her birthday one year. I took away ALL her toys for months on end. No TV, no friends, etc., etc. She just didn't care. :huh:

And I hear you about being the only disciplinarian. Gone are the images of "wait till your dad comes home and hears about this." Because they know full well that by the time dad comes home they'll probably all be in bed.

It's so frustrating. Hang in there!

I'll be checking in for some nuggets of wisdom. Luanne??? Kris??? Pollyanna???? Sally????

:anyolne: :anyolne:

[HouseofWool]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Sorry - no real advice except that you seem to be on the right track. Don't they (the experts) usually say that breaking a bad habit means the unwanted behavior will usually get worse before it gets better?

I am also the not fun parent. DH has a way of communicating with Caleb that he just laps up. I say the same thing in the same patient tone and I get ignored. Drives me crazy.

[mommax3]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

I've got nothing. (and no girls at my house, either.) Really, I read about some of this girl stuff, and honestly, I am thankful that my issues are pee on the floor and forgetting to wear deoderant. :huh:

Keep on fighting the good fight.

Sally

[migirl]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Really, I read about some of this girl stuff, and honestly, I am thankful that my issues are pee on the floor and forgetting to wear deoderant. :huh:

Me too. These types of threads make me scared.

[Sheherezade]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Wise words, Tara. I'm lucky that my 8 year old girl is a tomboy/horse lover type. She likes her play make up, but has no desire or peer pressure to wear it anywhere but to a big family party on the holidays. She also doesn't like the halters and such because she is shy. Yeah!!

Of course, she has a massive temper and is extremely willful at times. I fear the teen years. I've already heard the "I hate you!" both yelled and muttered under the breath -- but she always comes around in the end.

Girls are more scary than boys because as a mother you can relate better. You also get to relive all those awkward social situations. Fun, fun. With my boy, I can worry and stress... but I never take it personally. DH might. I know the making sports teams thing is much more stressful on the boy front. Bleh.

[Phoebe]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Tara- Thanks for your post. I definitely want to revisit the whole issue. I am sure she sees me as a control freak and that is why I am the mean one. It was one of those things where we were late and rushing out the door and I didn't have time to explain in a nice way. I didn't even think of an alternative of lip gloss. What a good idea.

She is very argumentative and I need to find more ways to think outside of the box! I don't always do a good job of following up on situations. Maybe I can start there. Thank you, Tara!

[Meenah]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

My only advice is CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always stick to your guns and enforce the consequences, because if you don't do it now over the little things you won't be able to later over the BIG BIG things, like cars, boys, etc. Of course this is much easier to say than do.

[PrincessFiona]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Kris, BTDT people, smarter ones help me out here.

Please give tips on how to endure the next 16 years of this without going insane. Did I mention that my husband wants another child? I am not so sure anymore. :huh:

Did you just ask for my parenting advice? ummm....surely, you are mistaken. The more kids I have, the less I feel like I actually know, Jenn. All I an offer up at this point is :therethere:

I'm past the point of arguing and explaining when it comes to the kids. Take away the make-up and the halter top if she doesn't listen.

My daughter came home from a friends' house with some mascara and it disappeared. oops. I confiscate any clothing that I deem to be inappropriate (getting to small or growing holes in places that there shouldn't be holes...like the seat of her pants) and they just disappear into the great laundry hole.

There are some things that I bend on...she can wear CLEAR mascara out of the house and because she has pimples now, she can wear some cover-up. If you don't want to outlaw the make-up, just go and buy her one of those kits where the eye shadow etc goes on practically clear..because it's so close to skin tone.

What I have discovered is that there are so many battles to fight that...it just is exhausting fighting every one of them. You have my permission to eliminate some of them. "Mom, where is my halter top?" "Gee, honey, I don't know. Let's look in your closet...hmmmmm...it isn't there...why don't you pick another shirt for now." :>

And being the mean parent is good...at least that's what I've decided. Pat yourself on the back for doing your job right. When my daughter tells me I'm torturing her, I say "Oh, good...that's my job!" :>

See....don't take advice from me.

Re: No Sissies Allowed

And being the mean parent is good...at least that's what I've decided. Pat yourself on the back for doing your job right. When my daughter tells me I'm torturing her, I say "Oh, good...that's my job!" :>
.

Amen. If you'd asked me as a teenager I would have told you that my mother was mean, mean, mean, mean, MEAN. Now I'll tell you she was right on about almost everything, and she was a great mom.

[poky]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Amen. If you'd asked me as a teenager I would have told you that my mother was mean, mean, mean, mean, MEAN. Now I'll tell you she was right on about almost everything, and she was a great mom.

Don't be afraid to be "the mean mom".

[DCJenn]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

My parents were the two meanest most horrible people EVER.

and damned if they weren't right, after all.

Nikolai gets mad and says, "you're not my best friend." I've been replying, "I'm not supposed to be your best friend, I'm supposed to be your mommy."

Jenn

[DrWahoo]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

I don't know what your spiritual leanings are but two good books are Sheparding Your Child's Heart and Boundaries with Kids. It has really helped me with my children. My daughter is six so I understand a little of the pathology. What helps me have compassion and patience with her is to remember what it was like when I was her age and understand the amount of pressure she is under to fit in.That being said we spend alot of time discussing the importance of making the right choices and understanding the consequences of our actions. Also I spend time just fellowshipping with her and developing our relationship. This softens her heart to understand mommy is truly her friend and is looking out for her. Good luck and God bless.

[diggitydot]

Re: No Sissies Allowed

Wow. I totally feel like the über-bitch mom. :run:

DD1 was never really into the girly make-up and frilly/tight/inappropriate clothes. She's always kind of been a tomboy. DD2, however, is not. We've already dealt with the whole make-up and inappropriate clothing issue. Mainly by DH and I just telling her "no", "no way in hell", and "uh...dream on, sister". She was once given make-up as a gift from someone and asked if she could wear it. She was allowed to keep the lip glosses, but the eye shadow and blush were a no-go and ended up being pitched.

For me, age has a lot to do with this issue, though. My 13 y/o could absolutely wear some light and appropriately styled make-up to a very special occasion. No way in hell is my 8 y/o daughter wearing any, though. I've told them to hold off wearing it as long as possible, that they have such gorgeous skin that it would be almost criminal to cover it up with anything. So far, that works. We'll see how long, though.

But, yeah...I agree that being the "Mean Mommy" isn't a bad thing. Kids might not like it at the time, but they eventually appreciate and respect it. My kids learned LONG ago that I've never been their friend. I'm their mother. They will have lots of friends come and go in their lifetime but will only ever have one mom. It is my job to make decisions that they will moer than likely not not enjoy. I have guaranteed them that at many points in their lives they will likely hate me. That's OK. I love them enough to be totally fine with being unpopular.