Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectat

[Tenacious_D]

This is an interesting topic. DH and I just read an article similar to this in the New Yorker about the Rise of Overparenting. There are definitely some things that I want to avoid when we have our kids but who knows how hard it will be.

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/b ... s_acocella

[Vanquisher]

Re: Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectat

It is definitely a hard balance. I know so many kids who are ill-equipped to handle life once they leave Mom and Dad.

Furthermore, research shows that high school teachers now give out "A" grades more easily than they in the 1970s, even though students do less homework today than they did 30 years ago.

While the line about A's may be true, I don't think the homework line is. The amount of homework my son gets is staggering. I hope it declines in high school. Enough, already!

[Sheherezade]

Re: Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectat

I struggle with this as a parent. I try to guard against becoming a helicopter parent but sometimes it is hard to know what is "normal" and sometimes it seems that the children that are allowed to do the work themselves suffer because the environment has adapted to assume helicopter parenting.

I'm sure that made no sense at all.

I recently had a mini-parenting breakdown over my 12 year old son. He is a good kid. He works hard, motivates himself in school but has little interest in extracurricular activites. He used to play soccer and do rec sports, but since his knee injury he has been sidelined. I tried computer camps, alternate sports and guitar lessons....but nothing really interested him. I've given up signing him up for things and I am just waiting to see what he is interested in naturally. All the while, he has gotten straight A's and been in advanced classes without my intervention. (In fact, in fifth grade his teacher came to me and told me I'd better get him moved in to the advanced class for math because he was bored and knew more than all the advanced kids. Here, teachers can not put kids in advanced placement classes....parents have to arrange for testing and request the move. He hadn't complained so I didn't push. I felt pretty bad when the teacher came to me. Slouch-parenting was implied.)

Fast forward to my breakdown: My son was nominated for a college 3 week course out of state based on his academic performance. The classes seemed interesting and he was intrigued. I received the application and more than half of it was questions like "Write an essay about your most valuable experience in an extracurricular activity." "List all your extracurricular activities in order of importance to you. (Five lines follow.)" "List all the awards and honors you have received in the past three years. (Five lines follow.)"


Waaaaaah!!!!! He's 12! He just turned twelve! Ummmm. He doesn't have any awards or honors beyond participation ribbons for soccer tourneys! I can't get him to practice guitar! Gaaah!


Total panic ensued for several hours. Would he ever get in to college? Would they take high scores on video games as achievements?

DH and I talked about this at length the other night. The climate in our community is "Push you kids. Keep them busy. Strive." Everyone is "gifted". *sigh* I disagree, but I wonder if I'm not doing my child a disservice by stepping back. He can fend for himself and he will not be burned out as a freshman in college. His interests are truly his own. BUT, he may not get in to different groups, classes or societies if he doesn't have the added push of parental intervention. They are limited by number in many cases (as in "we take 5 kids to the advanced biology group - you apply, we decide" ).

It's a dilemma. Overparenting must end and I think it is waning, but the kids my child will "compete" against have been helped at every rung of the ladder. I'm not sure what the solution is in this case. Makes me want to homeschool, though.

As for overconfidence, we don't see a lot of attitude around here yet. The teenagers have a nasty rep - but the middle school kids mostly seem tired and under too much pressure. :huh: Maybe they evolve to little monsters?

[spotty_dog]

Re: Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectat

Reminds me of this article I have bookmarked: The Power and Peril of Praising Your Kids.

Or this one on The Cost of Overemphasizing Achievement.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Many Teens Overconfident, Have 'Wildly' Unrealistic Expectat

Saw this ALL THE TIME when I was teaching.

Grades are pretty much valueless. I was told that--in the remedial English class that I taught where approximately 1/3 of my students were actually, for-real borderline illiterate--I could flunk no more than 5% of my class. It was "not good for morale or the district, and would just discourage the students" if they received an F.

Only 60% of them attended more than 50% of the time.

Only 1/3 of them EVER turned in homework.

Approximately 20% of them achieved a 40% or less, with 65% or lower being an F.

I flunked all of those who mathematically deserved it. Administration went through and changed my grades so that only 5% of my students failed. I quit at the end of the year. I was not going to be complicit in professional malpractice.