Playdate meltdown

[JaneDoe]

I had two girls from dd's preschool and their moms over to our house for a playdate. One of the girls happens to be the same girl dd got in trouble with at school a week ago. See "Teacher pulled me aside to report dd's behavior today!" Dd has mentioned several times to me that she doesn't like this girl and that the girl is mean to her. But, I felt I owed it to the mom to have her over because the mom has mentioned to me several times that her dd wants to play with my dd. The mom is also good friends with the other girl's mom who attended the playdate and we've done playdates together in the past. (Are you following me here?)

Anyway, my dd said a couple of times how she didn't want this girl to come to her house. I talked to her about treating people kindly, that she must play with all of her friends and exclude no one, etc. As expected though, dd and this little girl began to disagree and my dd was being mean to her. I pulled my dd aside and talked to her about treating this girl nicely and to apologize for her behavior. It went downhill from there. Dd went into meltdown mode. I was so .

Ever since the incident at preschool, dd's behavior has been excellent. She's been great at home and her teachers have commented on several occaisions how well she is doing at school. It is apparent to me that dd does not like this girl. I'm not excusing my dd's behavior. I am holding her accountable for the way she treated this girl, but I just can't force playdates with this girl on my dd. How do I delicately handle this with the mom? How do I maintain a relationship with the other girl (who gets along well with my dd) and her Mom? I feel very awkward.

[alison]

Re: Playdate meltdown

I don't have kids and I admire your effort and the lessons your trying to impart to your kiddo, but do we really have to get along and play with everyone? It sounds like they truly don't get along, and by putting them together in the same room, things just escalate. If they can come to an agreement to have a "working" (and respectful) relationship in class, then, if I were one of the kids involved, that's where I'd want it to remain.

[MrsK]

Re: Playdate meltdown

I don't have kids and I admire your effort and the lessons your trying to impart to your kiddo, but do we really have to get along and play with everyone? It sounds like they truly don't get along, and by putting them together in the same room, things just escalate. If they can come to an agreement to have a "working" (and respectful) relationship in class, then, if I were one of the kids involved, that's where I'd want it to remain.

[Deebs]

Re: Playdate meltdown

Rather than a traditional play date, can you do something outside the home where there might be less chance for conflict? If you just meet at a park, zoo, museum, etc, there is an opportunity for the kids to interact, but they're not forced to entertain each other. This has worked well for us.

[JaneDoe]

Re: Playdate meltdown

I don't expect my dd to get along with everyone. I understand that perfectly well. That is why I said I would no longer be subjecting my dd to playdates with this girl. However, I do expect her to treat others kindly, whether she likes them or not. Hitting, which is what she did, is unacceptable. Period!

I was more or less coping with the awkwardness of dealing with this mom. I suspect that my dd, despite her behavior yesterday, will be asked to another playdate by the mom. :huh: Pollyanna is right, I will just be "busy" on a few occaisions. Avoidance - I can do that pretty well.