Biological clock

New to the site and it's already been really great to read about people in the same situation as me. I have been pushing snooze on my biological clock for some time now. My husband is a 3rd year student and we have a yr. and a half until we leave the town we are in now. Not sure where we'll be going but would like to stay in NC or around there. I hear 1st year of residency can be grueling and worried about if we should try before we leave or wait. Because I'm 34, I worry about the chances of getting pregnant/complications, etc. the longer we wait as well. I just started a new job Jan1 and find out the end of this trial month if they keep me FT(which I think they will) and that will mean benefits including maternity.
Hate to get a new job and get pregnant, but the idea of waiting and looking for a job wherever we move while I'm pregnant freaks me out as well. I am also just starting out in my field - graphic design - and need experience under my belt before the move too. I'm not sure there is a good time with med school/residency and my age/situation but know we can't wait til residency is over to begin. I'm a little overwhelmed right now.

Hi,
I am as well pushing the snooze on biological clock. My husband is only a first year student so I think it would be best for us to wait until after he takes the boards at the end of his second year. We are looking ahead to that same situation. We have talked about having a child before we leave for a residency simply because of the first year of residency terrors. We really do not know for sure what to do. All of our family lives within two hours from us now, and therefore we would like to be close to them when we have our first child. When we move to go to a residency it will be a long way from our families due to the USAF. I really don't any info from experience, but I have talked to many people and the general opinion is that the third and fourth year of school are a down time, and in comparison to the residency are the best time to have a child. those of you who have either done this or chose not to please shed some light on our struggle. Sorry I cannot help you but I can definately sympathise with you.
Lauren

thanks

Lauren, Thanks for responding to my post. Just good to hear from someone in the same situation. 3rd year for us hasn't been a downtime at all with rotations. My husband is doing surgery rotation right now and it's a lot of time away from home. I hear 4th year is much better and that's why we are starting to think about maybe trying for a baby then, still not sure. I understand worrying about not having family close, that's a concern of mine, too. Also to move again to a brand new town again and not know people there. Starting a family with no support base close scares me. Our families and friends are scattered in towns with no teaching hospitals. -Sherri

[DCJenn]

Ladies-

From one who was walked in your very shoes- let me just throw out one little thing- we thought everything would work out timing wise- and now that we're almost a year and a half in to the 'trying' phase with our new referral to the infertility clinic in hand... (I'm 36, he's 35 and we're in the third year of his residency)

by all means wait, but- let me recommend a full physical for you both before you start trying. We could have handled things much more differently that we did had we known about our issues a year ago!

Just some food for thought-

Jenn

[Amiens]

This is our experience- (I hope I can shed some light, although dh and I are in our mid-late twenties)

Matt and I married right after his first year of med school. We talked about when to have children- at least 3 years after we had been married, and definitely after I finished my double bachelor's degree.

We decided to start "trying" during Matt's 4th year of medical school. I was pretty much done with my degrees- had two classes spread over two semesters, so I worked full-time. I had been on birth control pills for the 2 1/2 years we had been married and had been told it could take about 12 months before my cycles regulated themselves out, but that the average was 3 months. We got pregnant after 3 months, then miscarried 3 months later, and then got pregnant immediatly following the miscarriage. So all in all it took us 6 months to conceive Emma. I agree wholeheartedly about getting a complete Gyn physical, and that your hubby receive a physical as well. We have friends of ours who are about the same age as us, and have been trying for well over a year now. It's nice to know what you are faced with. I had one done prior to my first pregnancy, and it was nice to find out that the asthma med was not the best option while pregnant- I had some testing done, and got it changed.

I had Emma half way through Matt's grueling Internal Medicine internship. In retrospect, we are happier that we had our first child in January, rather than October as what would have happened if my first pregnancy survived. The reason being is Matt was able to set up his rotation schedule such that the first three months of Emma's life he would be home at decent hours, or he had little call. If we had had a baby in October, it would have been harder on us in that all of the easy stuff would have been first with the grueling months last. This in turn would have made our move to Seattle from Denver in June harder simply because Matt would not have been able to help out. Matt had to submit his priority vacation week 6 months in advance, and Emma was born the last day of that one week vacation. My due date was in question, and we were on edge from about Dec 15 (2 weeks prior to the first date) on. Even though Emma was born the last day of his vacation (Jan 13), Matt's program director and chief resident called the ER scheduler in charge of the Internal Medicine residents and had her rearrange Matt's schedule so that he would have an "extra" 4 days off to be home, and did the rest of his rotation (it was just a week, but hey it helped!) so that Matt would be home at night to help with the baby. Matt was doing a rotation in the ER the month Emma was born. Even when Matt was on a horrible ICU rotation the month prior to me delivering Emma, his chief resident and attending were very understanding, and said if I paged Matt saying "It's time." They would let him go be with me, as our baby and I are more important. I remember almost in tears in my OB office (who was the assistant chair for the OB program) telling her that I was afraid that Matt would miss out on the birth because his attending would let him leave. Her words to me were "I don't know an attending who would allow a resident to miss out on the birth of their child or not be there for their spouse during such a critical moment. Show me that attending, and I will speak to them myself."

Even though my parents were 30 minutes away, my mom came up once maybe twice to help me out- and she stayed for all of 45 min each time. We had help from friends who lived near by, but mostly I did it on my own. I had one friend set-up meals for two weeks for me, and that helped a lot. After about a week and a half I started feeling like I was in a routine, and more human.

We are now expecting our second child in August. We are pretty far from family, and Matt's mother is "on-call" and will fly out as soon as the baby is born and stay with us until I am back on my feet. My mother has said she wants to come and help, too. Matt is going to request a schedule in which his rotations are spread out evenly. The really nice thing is Matt is doing anesthesia, so by (anesthesia-governing body) law he has his post-call day off- which will be really nice when the new baby arrives.

One other thing we considered- my student insurance was horrible, however, the insurance that we had during Matt's internship was excellent- we didn't pay a penny for Emma. We have really good coverage with this pregnancy as well, but a cost. Matt keeps joking- after the baby is born we are getting everything done that we needs to be done-"if you want to get sick, try and do it really well after the baby is born"

Another thing, we had decided that I would be a sahm. We have made it work, in fact we are going to start paying back on my student loans next month. Yes it means we have a tight budget, but we feel that me being home with Emma is a better choice for us- no daycare and I wouldn't have guilt leaving her.

With all of that said- we did have friends that had children during medical school- two during first year, and one during third year.

You need to weigh out all of your options, for us during internship and second year were good options. However, we are not having any more children until Matt is well-done with his residency.

Sorry for the long post! I hope I was able to help out in some way.

I am also pressing the snooze clock but I don't think I can for much longer. I am so ready to start trying! I wish we didn't have to wait but I know it's the most practical thing to do, especially financially since my salary covers most of our expenses and student loans. I am turning 29 next month and my husband is 28. We are trying to time it so the baby is born toward the middle of my husband's second (and last!) year of fellowship, which would be December-ish 2004. I know it is insane to plan the specifics like this but a) I am a compulsive planner and b) it helps me to know that we can soon start getting ready! We are going to start preparing this September with a prenatal visit, quitting coffee and the pill, etc. I also have asthma but haven't heard anything about asthma meds affecting this all -- I will have to check with my doctor on that.

Above all, being a mother is the most important thing to me in the world. I know it gets harder as we get older so I am anxious to begin!

I feel like I should reply to this question but I don't know exactly how. I will just add my .02 and share what we are doing. I will just say that of course, every couple is different. When we got married at age 21, Joel had NO idea he wanted to go to medical school. Long story short, after our first was born 3 years later, he decided. I was very supportive but wondered about our family. We talked about it at length and decided to have one more during undergrad. Our kids are now 5 and 3 (on Valentine's Day) and we are in his first year of Med school. We are also expecting our 3rd in Sept. (Everyone is asking us if this was planned! I think that is rude) So by the begining of 2nd year we will have 3 kids!!! I am not too nervous about it. We have family 2 hours away, we are very involved in church and will get support there too and #1, I have THE most supportive spouse in the world. If he wasn't, I couldn't do it b/c I stay at home. Financially we are on student loans. Again, everyone is different and I think kids during school scares alot of people. Loans scare alot of people. It isn't always easy but it is working for us. We want a big family and will both be 30 this year so we started school somewhat late. Hope this makes sense and helps anyone with questions.

Jessica

Thank you guys so much for the replies. It is good to hear other people perspectives on things. I will give you all the low down on our time table and situation. My husband and I got married very young. I was 19 and he was 22. We have been married for a little over two years now, and he is in his first year of med school. he is in the USAF so we do not have any loans as of now. I work as a church childcare director at our church, and we are living off of my salary plus the Air Force money. I am still in school finishing up my bachelor's degree in Early childhood. I have this semester and then I will do my student teaching next semester. Yes, I know that I am still young and have lots of time to have children, but I definately have the desire to be a mother. I think about it constantly! I am also a obsessive planner, and that is why I am enquiring about all of these issues. On one hand, we could try to have a baby during my husbands 4th year in school. There would be lots of family near us and lots of friends for support. In addition to that we also have a great church support group that would help with anything. On the other hand we could wait until residency to "try" and have a baby. If we did that we would have excellent benefits with the military, but we would not have any family or friends remotely close. That scares me. Also, I have been told that The fourth year of med school is "A LOT" more laid back than the intern year of residency. Did I mention my husband is planning on going into trauma surgery. So in reality I know that I really do not have as much control over the situation as I would like to. There are so many factors to consider, and in the end I guess we don't even know how long it may takeus to conceive, if we even can! Also, I have been on BC for about five years. That scares me a little bit because of the affect it may have on being able to get pregnant. I guess I am just worrying about nothing. I am sure that God will work things out and let us know when the right time is. I just need to have more faith!
Lauren

[JaneDoe]

Thank you, Thank you! - for posting your experiences and concerns on this issue. I've already discussed some of my concerns regarding the prospect of having children/ timing, etc., in another thread, but for some reason it is always comforting/ reassuring to read about other peoples' experiences, especially those in similar situations.

I've hit the snooze button on my biological clock for the last time. My husband and I originally discussed starting to try in July (once he has finished his internship year), but now we've agreed to start in April. I will have one of those "annual exams" in April, at which time I plan to discuss trying to have children. I'm still on the pill, but I plan to go off of it iat that time. I am really excited, but also very nervous. The timing issue, of course, is something that we've discussed endlessly. But, ultimately, we've said that there is no perfect time to have children, rather we looked for the best time for US to have children. We both worry about fertility issues, money, time, etc., and all of those concerns weighed in our decision. Regardless of what happens, I know that my husband and I will make good parents. So, I believe and hopefully not too naively that chosing to start trying in April is the best decision for us.

The above posts are so helpful to me. Although I plan to get physical before starting to try, I never thought about having my husband get one. (We'll have a discussion tonight, now). Oh, and someone mentioned giving up coffee, wow, now that sounds painful, but your right I will have to wean myself from that. Anyway, thank you for sharing your experiences.

[SueC]

Here is our somewaht skewed way of deciding when to have a baby:
When we got married we were 23 and 26. As soon as we got home from our honeymoon we discussed when we would start our family. My husband was just getting ready to start intern year. We honestly couldn't think of any good reason to wait. His schedule basically meant we wouldn't be leading a spontaneous lifestyle of going out to clubs and restaurants (not enough time or money), we knew we wouldn'tl be taking any vacations (same reason--no time or money) so we said to heck with it, let's have a baby! It took us 10 months to conceive. We didn't do anything like temperature taking or calculating my "fertile days"--since I don't have periods it would have been impossible. After our first child was born we used birth control sporadically and 20 months later were blessed with another baby! Anyhow, regardless of when they get here, it will feel pretty great and you wouldn't be able to imagine it any other way.
One piece of advice I have is to check what kind of insurance benefits you have. Up until now we were on a PPO--after the birth of our first child I was hospitalized twice (not including the birth), and our second baby was hospitalized twice. I am still trying to pay off these medical bills. Is we had been on an HMO, I wouldn'd have had to pay the deductible plus 20%. If I could do it over again, I would have switched to an HMO before either one of them were born.

I would like to second the voices that have pointed out that things don't always go as planned when it comes to trying to get pregnant. I never imagined that we would have any problems. We are both healthy and "young" (28/9 and 31)! However, I had a miscarriage with our first pregnancy that was unplanned but planned. We had decided to start trying this past fall and slipped up while on vacation this past summer. We were shocked but excited because yes, there is no right time to have a child - things will always be present that make it "not such a great time." We both want 3-4 kids so we decided to start trying right away following the miscarriage. . .also not knowing how long it would take and/or if the next pregnancy would be healthy. We have been truly blessed and are expecting a little girl in May. It just seemed like the "right" thing to do even though it isn't really the "right" time. My husband is in his 4th year of a surgical residency and he's extremely busy. . .I think he'll be more busy next year when he is chief on a lot of the rotations. . .both of our families live over 800 miles away and I don't really know a lot of people here. But somehow we are going to make it work and it will be one of the most memorable years of our lives! I was also very blessed in the sense that I found a job in the fall that gives me a very flexible schedule. I am teaching part-time at the community college and so I only have to be on campus a few hours per week. I can prepare for classes at home and hope to keep this up after the baby is born - both for my professional career and for our budget! Go with your heart!

[Michele]

I'm facing the same questions and concerns now. Russ and I just got married and he started the convos about babies! He was thinking his 4th year of school would be a good time to become a dad and then his second year of residency. From all the posts it seems like there is no "right" time just a "right for us" time. I guess we'll just see how it goes...

Is anyone with an OB GYN? I have some questions regarding IUDs...like what the pregnancy rate is when it's removed...the website for Paragard says it's almost the same as no method of BC. I was just wondering about the "real world" data.

Michele

I agree with what everyone else has said. Those of you that are planning sound like you are totally on the right track. Getting a physical before you start trying is really smart. Start taking folic acid too.

It is very hard for those who like to plan things to the last detail (I am talking about myself too!) to let nature take its course. I wanted to be pregnant the month I planned it, but it didn't work like that. Our situation is a lot like Jessica's experience. We had two of our children while still in undergraduate school. I had graduated but my hubby hadn't. I was almost 25 when we got married and knew I wanted to have four children. Russ wanted 5 so we didn't feel like we could put it off very long. Of course, this was when my husband was an electrical engineering major and wasn't planning on going to medical school. We had our third child when he was applying to med school. Our fourth came in September at the beginning of his 2nd year of med school. Everyone told us we were crazy to have a baby at this time. This was not a planned pregnancy and honestly it was the only pregnancy that I really thought we might have made a mistake ... in the beginning. It turned out to be a wonderful blessing and our Dallin really helped Russ through some difficult times in the second year. Who would have thought! SO .... you will make it work whatever happens. It is good to have a plan and everyone that posted above sounded like they have really put a lot of thought into it. I wish you all lots of luck!!!! I wouldn't change anything in the way we did it!

Robin

[peggyfromwastate]

Hello- Michele- I had an IUD but can't comment on how it affects trying to get pregnant because my IUD "fell out" after 4 months. It was quite painful, and I thought it was just because I was still healing after delivering my twin babies. In reality, the IUD had probably been displaced the whole time. I won't get an IUD again, just b/c it was so painful.

In the meantime, our philosophy is if we get pregnant, it's a blessing, so let's not do anything "chemical" to prevent it. I take prenatal vitamins as a rule, just because they are very much like regular vitamins and you never know. For instance, I got pregnant (a total shock) when my husband and I had been using protection (a condom- and yes it was on properly and no it didn't rip) and that was not our timing at all. But as soon as I was pregnant, I got so excited that it soon became "the perfect timing". As it turned out, I miscarried that pregnancy, but I think I learned a lesson about timing pregnancies. While I think that planning a good time to get pregnant around career issues and spouse's schooling, and even insurance considerations, is wise, I think that if you feel ready as a mother, go for it. Because ultimately we can plan and plan, and then what happens if it takes a year to conceive? This could throw off all the plans!!!

Anyway, having said all that, I continue to plan. I even charted on my calendar a what if I get pregnant on this cycle due date out 12 months . I think it's fun to look ahead- it adds to the excitement!

We have decided to wait until we start trying again for 1 year. But secretly I'm hoping for another "accident" This is mostly because my husband will be gone to Officer training for 6 weeks this summer, and juggling the 3 kids plus packing up for the move will be exhausting in and of itself. Along with being pregnant- can't even imagine. But I know that it would work out fine and we'd look back on it all and not want to change anything! That's the miracle of being pregnant!!!

One other thing- you realize that your chances of having twins increases a lot past the age of 34??? Not that twins aren't great, but...

And a neat infertility story to add: a mom in my twins group had infertility problems for years and years. Finally, they did invitro and had 1 boy. then a couple of years later they did invitro again and had fraternal boy twins. When the twins were about 1 year old, their mom started feeling dizzy and just not right. It took her a few days, but finally she took a test and found out that she was pregnant! Just like that! And she got a girl, which of course made the blessing that much sweeter after 3 boys!

Good luck to everyone! Each new life is a blessing, and when you are pregnant and have your baby, boring mundane stuff like timing will fall into the background until one day you will laugh at it all!

Peggy