Letting them go a little?

I know I am overprotective, but its making me not be able to sleep. I'm letting DS who is 9 1/2 go to a "lock-in" at the zoo this Friday with a friend. It is a church function - the friend's church, not ours - and I am imagining all the horrible things that could happen to him while with a group of strangers for 12 hours. He is a good, responsible kid - straight A's, rule-follower, etc so I don't worry so much about him making a poor judgement as I do about all the crazy adults/kids out there.

I am planning on giving him my cell phone so that I can call him throughout the night and conversely he can call us if he needs to. I will NEVER make it through the teenage/driving/dating/sex/drugs stage. Seriously - what age did you let your kids start doing this kind of stuff? I am strongly considering cancelling - but then feel bad because his buddy will have to go alone.

[Sheherezade]

I understand. My daughter is the same age and I'd be hesitant as well. Has he been away on sleep overs at the home of a friend yet? My daughter started that about a year ago. Now, I'm a little better about having her empty bed in the house without thinking I've said goodbye to her and sent her away to something.....dangerous!

If you trust the church group and know the adults involved, then I'm sure everything will be fine. Usually, they keep kids very busy at these lock in events. If you decide to let him go, try not to let him pick up on your anxiety. Otherwise, he will worry as well. I've sent a cell phone with my children for emergencies as well and they've never once had to use it.

If you don't know the group well, I'd say that pulling away from the trip is a legitimate option. You don't want any early sleep away experiences to be bad - even if "bad" just means not fun and not nurturing. I think that you (and your son) should be comfortable with the group of adults that will be in charge. There will LOTS of sleepover opportunities in the future. My son is 12 now and he has been in a sleepover whirlwind for at least a year. He leaves on a seventh grade trip for two days this week and he's very excited. Mostly, I'm just nervous about getting him on the bus at 5:30 AM! It gets better and easier as they get older. 9.5 is still pretty young- no rush to let go.

I hope you make a decision that makes both of you happy!

Thanks Angie. He has been on many sleepovers with no problems. I guess the problem is that I don't know any of these adults personally and that makes me skittish. He really wants to go. Crap.

[Sheherezade]

That's not fun. I think I would be uncomfortable too. Do you know anyone that knows them? Could you get a "review" from someone that has participated in the past? Someone you trust?

I'll back you up (virtually) if you want to say no. Just because he wants to go, doesn't mean he *should* go. I'd say you need to feel more comfortable with the situation first.

[GrayMatterWife]

Seriously - what age did you let your kids start doing this kind of stuff? I am strongly considering cancelling - but then feel bad because his buddy will have to go alone.

FWIW: I started doing stuff like this exactly at his age. This is normal. It's a great way to start: a church activity (in a confined space, controlled environment, plenty of supervision, etc.). It sounds like you have a really terrific kid, too. Even though it is hard for you, I would give him this opportunity. Tell him how proud you are to have him as a kid and that it makes you so happy to know that he's big enough and mature enough to do something like this. I bet he'll be excited that you trust him (a trust, it sounds like, has been well-earned).

And he'll be only a telephone call away. If he needs you, he'll call. If he doesn't, that's OK, too. He'll be having a great time.

[MrsK]

Can you call the church group and speak with the supervisor/chaperone to get a better idea of the structure and plans for the event?

I too started doing these things at his age. I think my first away camp was the summer before 4th grade (for a WEEK! Wowza!). But as we all know, the times we live in are different and carry different concerns.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable age to start these things, but I also know / feel / understand your concerns (especially considering that you don't actually know any of these people). Are you friends with the other boy's parents? Do they know the people running it? I think that would make me feel better.

Ok, so I called his friend's mom this morning to talk with her a little. This is the pre-youth group so the oldest kid there will be 5th grade age - youngest 2nd grade. So far only 25 kids. They will tour the zoo after dark with guides to learn about night habitats/animal behavior. Then at 12 they will all go to the cabin and have some animals brought in for presentations. My friend knows 2 of the chaperone moms personally and was reassuring that they can handle this. I am feeling a little better about this. Breathe in, breathe out.

Thanks Abigail for the reassurance! And thanks Angie for the tip to not pass on my anxiety to Jake. He would totally pick up on it and he is my kid that I have always had to encourage to be social/feel comfortable doing things on his own. This will be good for him and me.

Excellent! I think with the information you got I'd feel good about it, too.

[peggyfromwastate]

hmmm.... I let K go to sleepover camp in the summer after 1st grade... so she was 7.5 at the time. I wouldn't let the twins go to sleepover camp, and they're about that age now, but she was a very independent kid...

Anyway, the zoo things (here it's called Snore and Roar) are highly supervised in the first place, and it sounds like he's a responsible kid, so I just wouldn't worry at all. It sounds like a lot of fun and a good opportunity!

[poky]

I'm glad you got some reassurance. I went to a week-long summer camp at age 6 or 7, and loved it, went every summer through HS and then worked there a couple summers, too. My sister, OTOH, never spent a night away from family until at least high school. Just never wanted to. Sounds like he'll have a great time!