Considering third child.

Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have a 3 1/2 yr old as well as a two yr old. We had always wanted to have all of our kids close in age and now that I'm a stay at home mom I'm considering a third. Do any of you guys have three children? Any advice you can give me on having a baby with two younger kids? We really want a third and the timing is perfect but I am worried about how I will do the simple everyday things (grocery shopping) with three kids. My hubby is a first yr resident, meaning we will be at our residency location for at least 4 more yrs. Any advice or wise words you guys have would be appreciated!

Maria -

I have four children. When we had our third we had a 5 year old and 2 year old. For me the third was the hardest (fourth was a piece of cake!) mainly because you don't have enough hands and grocery shopping and basically going out is much more difficult. However, it worked out fine. I look back at pictures and realize that our third baby didn't slow us down much. I was looking at a picture of our family miniature golfing. My husband is golfing with one hand, holding the baby in the other and I am holding onto the other two so they don't get hit with a ball! Of course, it helped that there were two of us. I tried not to go shopping with all three by myself. If I needed a break, we would head to McDonald's where the older two could run around and be noisy. In Arizona, we had a grocery store with in-store babysitting. That was WONDERFUL! I would put the two older ones in that, which they loved and kept the baby. That made life much easier.

It will work out and it sounds like you are in a good position now ... i.e. you will be in one place for awhile and your other two kids are great ages for a little brother or sister! Keep us up-to-date!

Robin

Maria--

I have to reply too. I am expecting #3 right now, due in Sept. I have a 5 yr old son, Bridger and a 3 yr old daughter, Brook. My husband and I also wanted our kids close together but we decided to wait a bit for #3 as he is just a first yr med student and we wanted to get settled into school and into a routine. Once we got comfortable we started trying and it only took 2 months Anyway, everyone has me petrified and tells me that 3 is the hardest of all. This has started to worry Joel and I. He will have midterms about 2 weeks after I am due which scares us. The other night both of the kids were up half of the night. My son had leg cramps and was crying. My daughter had a dry cough that was keeping her up. I was laying on the bathroom floor with "morning" sickness. (Why do they call it that when it lasts ALL day??? ) Joel got up to get Bridger some tylenol and to check on Brook and then I got back in bed and he made a comment that we were nuts to have another and that he needed sleep and didn't know HOW we were going to do this. Well, being in the emotional state that I am in I burst into tears feeling so unsupported and sad that he was feeling that way. He called me the next day from school and apologized and has been going OUT of his way to be there for me since. He's been doing dinner, bathing the kids and reading to them everynight, doing the laundry etc... He really is so incredibly supportive. I know we were both just so tired that night. I think 3 will be fun! I think if you have a supportive spouse it will work out great. I admire all of these medical families out there who take on having families during school, residency etc... Is this post making any sense? If you and your husband are ready and excited for it, I say go for it!

Robin, I am in AZ too and wondering where this grocery store is that babysits kids while you shop!

~Jessica

[PrincessFiona]

baby

Maria,

We are on the fence right now about having one more too. We have three children now and our youngest just turned 4 We thought we were done with our family planning...and now that our lives have settled down (we are done with residency, etc finally) we are considering adding a branch or two to our family tree .

I thought that going from two to three wasn't as difficult as going from 1 to 2 to be quite honest....and baby #3 is/was just such a delight. Our #3 is so laid back and happy all of the time.....I think it's because we were more relaxed as parents?

My advice...go for it.

Kris

Jessica - I don't know where you are at exactly in Arizona but the store I went to was a new Fry's that was on 59th Ave and the Loop 101. So ... look for a new Fry's and see if they have one. My kids loved it because they had Nintendo, crafts, puzzles etc.

Also ... I totally can relate to the night you had the other night with your other two kids up sick and the morning sickness etc. I remember that so well with our fourth when Russ was in his first year of med school. We had nights like that and thought we were NUTS! Good thing there aren't too many of those.

Everyone has such different experiences with the number of kids they have, that you really can't go by what others have done. Yes, three was hard for us but ... it could be the fact that our #3 child was a very difficult baby (I walked around with him in my arms all day because he couldn't stand to be put down or he would cry incessantly.) I am grateful that he came before we were in medical school. My fourth one was sleeping through the night quicker than any of my other children and was fairly easy going. That was a HUGE blessing being that he was born in the first month of Russ' second year of med school. It will all work out. I look back and am still amazed at how everything fit into place.

Hope you are starting to feel better!!!
Robin

[PrincessFiona]

#3

Robin...I think the only reason that we had an easy adjustment with #3 was probably that he is such a laid back kid....I don't know where he gets it from because we're all so high strung I think you're right that we all have different experiences....for me going from 1 to 2 was a big shock...I wonder what it would be like going from 3 to 4 And btw...I have been pondering your 'go for the girl' question...I think you should..but I have baby fever right now

Kris

Kris -

I had just convinced myself out of wanting another baby and here you are encouraging me .... Don't you think 5 kids sounds like A LOT?! I say it and it makes my head spin. My biggest worry is not having enough time to spend with each of my kids. I don't want any of them to get left out and I don't want to lose my sanity either. SIGH .... Obviously still on the fence. My husband is pretty sure against it. He doesn't want us to be "OLD" and still have kids at home. He worries about the late nights with a baby. Me ... I worry more about surviving the pregnancy. I am baby hungry but not pregnancy hungry. I get so sick! WELL ... I will let you know if anything develops. Now my head is reeling again.


Okay ... I just listed my big worries to get my head on straight. Too much encouragement and I would stop the pill today and see what happens.

Robin

[PrincessFiona]

#5

If you go for it...I will too

[mommax3]

You guys are freaking me out with all of this baby talk. Robin, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one whose third child was difficult. I was really counting on that "laid-back third child" thing and I definitely didn't get it! However, since he has turned one and started walking, he is delightful, and while I don't have baby fever, I do have toddler fever -- I am giving myself one more year to decide about having a fourth -- all of my kids are three years (or so) apart, so next year around Christmastime will be decision time for us. I don't know about going for a girl, but 4 sounds more balanced than three to me, and because of school cut offs, there will actually be four years between my second and third boys as far as school goes, which seems like a lot to me. I really have no idea what we will decide. Our whole lives seem up in the air at the moment. 8O

Sally

Wow, and two seems like a lot to me! My husband would like another, and I've thinking four-year-old twins is plenty! I'm 42, and another pregnancy and delivery would just about do me in, after the last one (terrible, you don't want to know). He says one baby would be so much easier. But I wouldn't be putting the twins in the closet, so it's one baby, plus the twins. I was at the girls playschool yesterday, and one of the kids in the class had a visiting grandmother there. This grandmother was only three years old then me! Yes, she was 45 years old. Anyway, I think two is tons. Myself, I'm one of six children, and I really, really do feel that I didn't have enough of my mom and dad to help me through my delicate teen years. They were too busy with the "littler ones". So.... I think I have lingering issues as a result (feeling invisible, insecurity and low self esteem that seems impossible to totally shake). My husband comes from a larger family too, and his experience was similar. Maybe I am over reacting, but I just want to be able to give a LOT to my twins, and I just think that another one (five years younger) would end up being like an only child. But at the same time, it's hard to say "no more kids". It's so final...

Thanks Janet for your perspective. That is one of my big worries with my kids. There were only two kids in my family (one boy and one girl) and so we got a lot of attention. My parents went to everything we did every time. I want to do that with my boys but I am already seeing scheduling difficulties and we haven't hit the teen years yet and my youngest isn't involved in things yet. Russ is the fourth boy in his family and then he has a younger sister. It worked out well for them I think. Some issues with competitiveness (even now! ) that I am trying hard not to do to my kids (i.e. having races to finish puzzles first etc.)

I think it is the finality of being done that scares me more than anything. That ... and even though I LOVE having boys, I really think it would be fun to have a girl. My boys are sooooo like their dad's side of the family that I have a tendency to wonder what a little girl of mine would look like. Of course, probably like Russ' side of the family! I am so close to my mom talking a couple of times a week every week. I would love to have that with a daughter. BUT ... all the other issues come in and they are big issues.

Anyway.... thanks again for your perspective.

Robin

[PrincessFiona]

more?

Myself, I'm one of six children, and I really, really do feel that I didn't have enough of my mom and dad to help me through my delicate teen years. They were too busy with the "littler ones".

Well...that does interject some reality back into the baby longing, doesn't it....Robin, I agree that the finality of it all is really a big problem..and I think that a lot of this baby longing is coming from the fact that 1. there are pregnant women everywhere right now..and really..have of the group here is expecting too and 2. Our youngest just turned 4 and has announced himself to be a 'big boy' And he IS a big boy...it is just hard to let go...

The rational side of me says we're done...the part of me not ready to let go says...just one more....

It's good to know I'm not alone with my feelings....

Kris

[DCJenn]

My friend just recently wrestled with this one. Logically she knew it should be the last (#3, a girl, after 2 boys) but she said as she was nursing Robyn, she was wistful that this might be the end. Finally, she agreed that they should at least gain some perspective on the whole thing and she and her husband eventually decided against anymore. But, she said, she will always wonder what #4+ might be like.

I'm sure it must be tough!

Jenn

[Meenah]

Hey Robin,
Maybe it is just boy babies thta give you morning sickness. I had two girls and NEVER had even nausea. Of course this allowed me to eat everything in sight.
Luanne

Luanne - My luck I would get even sicker!!!! My mom had one of each and never had a day of nausea either. I puked the whole nine months with Jacob but the nausea was actually worse with the other THREE!!! 8O I am afraid I am one of those people that expects the worse and then is hoping to be pleasantly surprised!

I am back on my "there ain't no way I am going to have another one" mode today. Maybe it was the fact that Zach is home for his third day with strep. or maybe it was the fact that the two younger ones kept climbing in bed with us all night and my back is killing me. Either way ... I am back to 4 is a good number (Kris - that still leaves you in the running! )

Russ and I actually had a long talk about it last night. I told him about this thread. He is completely content with our family as it is. I think I am too. I believe it is just the end of this phase that I am struggling with. Can I keep Dallin three forever?!!!

Robin