Considering third child.

[Phoebe]

This is a very interesting thread. I have enjoyed reading it. I have related to a lot of what has been said on the number of children and pregnancy. I am pregnant with #2 and worry about the transition from one to two and if I will be able to handle it. Our 16 month old is into everything and makes messes whereever she goes. I worry about getting less sleep than I do now and how I will deal with having two kids so close together. I also didn't anticipate the hardship of this pregnancy since my first was uneventful. Like Jess, I am lying on the bathroom floor while my husband is up with our daughter for 4 hours in the middle of the night.

I got pregnant so quick. Did I think everything through? Am I the biggest wimp on earth? Parenting is really the hardest job there is. I worry that I can't cut it as a mother and with another child I will lose more of what little identity I have left. I waffle from excitement to fear about this pregnancy.

I told my husband this is my last pregnancy and he seemed hurt by it because he has always envisioned us having three kids. I have enough names picked out for two boys and two girls. I would be willing to have many more children if my husband would be the pregnant one. More than two is going to have be negotiated when I hit the point where Janet, Kris and Robin are now. It is a tough decision! But I love kids so much. What is a mother to do?

Jennifer

Robin, I can completely relate to much of what you are saying. I look at the finality of my twins and say "you mean that's it? only one pregnancy?" No more babies. Gee that's a hard one to accept. I went through all these thoughts, and then it dawned on me: I get to hold babies and have them as my grandchildren! My time with babies that are my own (grandchildren count as your own, just in a different way) is NOT over!!! I was so thrilled when I realized I had grandchildren to look forward to (please, not for another 20 years, though).

Does that make any sense?

Janet

It's funny - when I had just one child I was in awe of people with two or more. Then I had two and was in awe of people with three or more. Now with three, I'm one of those people that others think "I don't know how she does it." And of course to me still, people with more than three are incredible! The thing is you just adjust - you have to. Whether they are planned or not, you take them as they come and you adjust. But since there are so many unwanted children in the world, I think it is just wonderful if someone wants to have more children.

I don't think you'll regret it.

Janet - You are right about having grandchildren to look forward to (not for quite a few years though!) It is even more ideal being that you can send them home with their parents after you have played with them!

You do adjust to however many children you have. Each time you have a baby it is a new challenge but ... you just do it and I believe it makes you a much stronger person. It always amazes me that with each sweet baby we have added to our family, I love each them unconditionally and so much. I really didn't know I could do that. Now I want time to stand still and to enjoy this time. It goes too fast and my three year old is supposed to stay little for a lot longer.

It looks like I will wait for grandchildren to come along to have a baby in the family again!

Robin

[PrincessFiona]

well

It's such a perpelexing issue...we remain...on the fence....for now. Probably the next baby that we have will be a grandchild...but....you never know...

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

HI- I've never even posted on this part of this forum. I have only been to the military spouses part- and so I've seen some of y'alls posts there! Anyway, I have 3 kids and for some reason am feeling the need for another. My oldest is in 1st grade (gone all day, grown up, still likes to play with me one-on-one but SOMETIMES she doesn't even want to and she just wants to READ the BOXCAR KIDS or JUNIE B without even my help 8O 8O ), and then I have boy/girl twins who are 19 months old. I think that since my son who was the extremely cuddly and almost a momma's boy has left that phase and gone to the negative getting into everything and seeing if he can overturn every chair in our house stage I have felt a maternal need to have a little person who justs wants to be cuddled by me!!! And although I get morning sickness, I miss pregnancy b/c I love to feel the baby moving, and I just think it's so awesome! (Especially after pregnancy amnesia sets in.)

My thing is that even though I think that behind my desire for another child is the fact that my toddlers are needing me less and less and my oldest is on the brink of not even wanting to hang with me , I DON'T CARE! Would it be too self-serving to say that I just am gonna go ahead and try to get pregnant, in spite of psychoanalyses??? My husband says, Great! Let's have 6!

If all goes as planned :P our next would be born next winter, probably November or December when my husband is just into his first med school year at USUHS. Of course, we have to get pregnant first...

I'm confident that I'll be able to cope *unless* God does something very funny like giving me another set of twins. At this point, that is my biggest fear, and Janet I'm sure you empathize!

Peggy

Thanks for all of the many different points of view on this topic. We have decided to go ahead and try for another. Like one of you said, there are still seconds that I think to myself "oh no is this the right choice?". I do know that time wise, we are currently on coarse with what we had always planned out. We figure we've done pretty well raising the two we have, I know we will be great parents again if its in the cards for us. Thanks to everyone for your support and advice. It is very appreciated!