Sex Education

Okay ... I was curious as to your feelings on when to teach your children the facts of life.

This week Jacob (5th grade) is going to see "the movie" at school. We have talked with him about a lot things ... physical changes with puberty etc. but he hasn't heard the full detailed reproductive side of things. Some of you may think we are WAY behind schedule in this day and age but we didn't feel he was ready. We decided that we would let him see the movie at school after we sat down and had the full talk with him and his dad is trying to get time off to go to the movie with him. I volunteered but Jacob said "NO WAY" to my going to school. It is okay if I talk about things with him at home but he doesn't want me to be at school, which I understand.

Russ is going to sit down with him tonight (or tomorrow night if he procrastinates). It makes me sad in a way to be at this point. He isn't my little boy anymore, he is growing up!

I am curious to what y'all think about this.

Robin

[PrincessFiona]

sex ed

8O Oh Robin...they grow up so fast, don't they??? Gosh, they are already doing this in the 5th grade???? We didn't have "the movie" until 7th grade when I was growing up....we did talk about puberty thought when I was in the brownies (grade 4). My mom was a bit shy about talking about those kinds of issues...or perhaps she just wanted to draw it out a little longer? The day that we had the "talk" in brownies, I was clueless..menstruation? puberty? I was completely in the dark...our troop leader was my moms friend and she called my mom that night and said "It's time.." So my mom pulled out the old "Where did I come from" and "What's happening to me" books....I still didn't reall "get it"....

It sounds like you guys have put a lot of thought into this.....and that you have a good plan for talking with him....Good Luck...let us know how the 'movie' and resulting discussions go.

Kris

I think that it is great that you are planning so much to get the "talk" going. It will be something that will keep going on and on (hopefully!) on some level throughout his years. When I was in shcool, I can't even remember much about sex education except one class for an hour in 8th grade. Needless to say I was very naive until my college years when everyone was much less rexerved.
So, I think that it is wonderful that you are starting now, and hopefully it will be something that you can talk about through his years of puberty.

Thanks for the support!! We have planned but planning is totally different than the talking part. I really am hoping that Russ expresses this well and that Jacob takes things the way we hope.

My sex education was pretty sad really. I saw the puberty movie in 5th grade that talked about the menstrual cycle, hygiene and bodily changes. I was so absolutely clueless.

My mom says she tried to talk with me about the facts of life but I wouldn't listen. I don't remember that but it really wouldn't surprise me. I was quite immature for my age. I learned everything from one of those brochures my mom got at the doctor's office "What children 9-12 should know." My mom said that she would just leave it around in my bedroom hoping I would pick it up, read it and then come to her. When I did read it ... I totally FREAKED. I remember running over to my grandmother's house (next door) crying but I was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was. Can we say IMMATURE! Anyway ... I never did go to my mom about it sad to say. This was before 7th grade started. I had to write a paper on this subject in my adolescent psychology class in college. My professor now uses my story in his lectures!!!!

I am hoping Jacob will be able to talk to us more about things. My worry is not knowing how to say things ... gracefully. I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth!

I will let you know how it goes! Thanks!

Robin

[PrincessFiona]

sex education

Robin,

I felt the same way....honestly...and who IS mature at age 9 :!: : I remember feeling both disgusted and curious at the same time. I found myself looking for any evidence of pubery...and I waited a long time and at the same time I dreaded it. When it did finally hit, I remember feeling like...well....my life had ended


These are such important issues...I think it is great that you guys are opening up the lines of communication with him like this already.

I hope we'll be able to follow your example some day....

Kris

[DCJenn]

I can't remember when they started the coversations with us, but I know it was pretty early on. I think we always knew- at least it seems that way. Then, what cemented the entire sex thing for me was when I discovered condoms in my parent's bedside table. I knew what they were for but I had to call my friend Leslie for confirmation on that was EXACTLY what I had found. (I reciprocated when she found her mother's vibrator a few years later!)

My parent's made sure that we knew it was absolutely natural and generally a good thing but that we should wait. I didn't really listen to THAT particular part of the conversation though! Along the same lines, menstruation was treated as "no biggie". I remember the day I started (again, Leslie was with me, I made her come home with me to tell my mom!) she handed me a box of Tampax and said "well, happens to the best of us". She even made me go to swim team that night!!!

Jenn

[mommax3]

My husband just had "the talk" (of sorts) with our almost 8 year old son. He is very inquisitive and considering DH's line of work, there is a lot of reproductive talk going on around here at all times. We really wanted him to hear correct information presented in a "safe" environment (as opposed to him hearing incorrect things whispered by others) so we felt it was time, since Luke is playing more sports and stuff. My husband took him to his office (after taking him out to breakfast, which he does with the two older boys semi-regularly) and showed him anatomy books, etc. and explained "how the deed is done". Luke was very concerned about what happens to the sperm that doesn't meet up with an egg -- he didn't like hearing that they die. He took it well, and this was just the facts, because we are hoping this will be an ongoing conversation and we can get into some of the other more emotional aspects later.

I can remember my mom giving me a book when I was 7 (I was similar to my son -- very inquisitive!) that explained things, but it was not something we could communicate about easily. My husband's Dad did a good job with his boys, with the exception of maybe waiting too long to have the talk with them. I am glad my husband has that example to follow!

Sally

[Auspicious]

Definitely most of our sex education came in age-appropriate bits and pieces all along the way, so "the talk" was a relatively minor occurance among all the other information we got. Actually my family is very reserved when it comes to discussing this topic, but you know . . . when I was 4 it was "Mommy's growing a new baby brother or sister in her tummy" and when I was 15 it was "Your pregnant friend Darcy is a good person who's made some grave mistakes. For people having sex, birth control is not optional."

When I was 8 or so I was asking some more specific questions, so my mom checked out some books from the library for me. I was already a pro at using the library, so this was a huge revelation. "There are books in our library about sex. I don't have to go through the embarrassment of asking Mom about this stuff, I can just look it up." I guess really the best thing I got from my parents in this area was guidance on how to tell smart information from bogus information, because they were never actually in control of how much information I was getting.

Wow, this thread is making me glad I don't have kids yet. Whew.

[SueC]

I think that is great that you guys are putting so much thought into this. When I was a young kid (like maybe 5 or 6) I remember asking my mom where babies came from and she gave me the actual facts (she is a nurse) and I didn't get it at all. By the time I was the appropriate age for that kind of information, we weren't that communicative so I was pretty clueless. Anyhow, we watched "the movie" in 5th grade, too. That seems to be an appropriate age, especially since there are probably several kids at that age going through "the change".

[Meenah]

I had three older sisters!!! They told me everything I ever wanted to know (and not know!!) With my daughters it just seemed to come naturally. I usually wanted to tell them more than they wanted to know. As a very liberal nurse/Mom they still hear more than they want from me, and I try to get them involoved in some of my causes!!!! They just laugh at me.
Luanne

Well - Russ sat down last night with Jacob. They locked the door and didn't come out for about an hour!! Russ came out once to grab a different medical book and went back in. I eavesdropped part of the time but I was trying to get the other three kids to bed. I think it went well. Jacob had a TON of questions that I know I didn't think about at his age. He asked if he was making sperm now. He wanted to know more about why women can breastfeed and men can't. Anyway ... he got the full story with medical pictures of development! 8O Russ showed me the pictures afterwards (I think it was his Mosby book) with the 10 stages of development for male and female. There are 10 pictures from young boy to grown man. Russ also showed the female development. I know I wouldn't have been quite that informative if I had done it. It is much better that Russ did it.

This morning when I was alone with Jacob he said it had scared him a little bit. He was afraid he couldn't remember everything. I told him it was a lot of new information for him and he didn't have to remember everything. He could always ask when he had a question about anything. When I asked him what had scared him ... he said that he doesn't want to have more pubic hair or get THAT big!

Russ just called me on his way to work. He just came from the movie. The attending he is with right now is very understanding and gave him a couple of hours off this morning to go with Jacob. Russ said the movie was very well done and the nurse who talked with the kids knew what she was doing and was very respectful. The girls met first and there were tons of moms who came. Russ said there were only five parents there for the boys. I realize that a lot of dads can't take time off work for it (we were just lucky) but it did make me kind of sad that there weren't more parents there.

Anyway.... WHEW! One down three to go!

Robin

[DCJenn]

Robin-

Sounds like it really couldn't have gone any better!!

Congrats on some excellent "mom and dad" stuff!

Jenn

[Auspicious]

Wow, good job! It seems like the best part is that obviously your son is comfortable talking to both of you. Cool.

That sounds like a great discussion from some loving parents! I can only hope that it will go that well with my boys when the time comes!
Thanks for sharing a monumentus moment in your lives.

[PrincessFiona]

sex ed

I got such a chuckle out of your story...and at the same time, I am in awe. You all are doing a great job..your children are very lucky! Thank you for sharing this story with us.

Kris