Emotional Week with kids

Okay .... now for those of you who have read the sex education thread and seem to think we are doing something right ..... I will say this has been a REALLY difficult week for us as parents. The talk with Jacob is the only thing that has gone right.

We are REALLY concerned about our two oldest. Jacob started on a new soccer team Wednesday. It was a nightmare! He doesn't handle change well and makes such a rotten impression. It makes me cringe! He sulked all the way through practice, wouldn't talk to anyone and looked absolutely miserable. The truth was ... he was scared silly and didn't handle it well. At the end of the practice, the team gets together and does a cheer. Jacob refused to participate. He thinks it is stupid. This team usually has try outs but Jacob got put on the team because he started mid year. It was supposed to be the practice where we decide if we want to stay on the team and the coach decides whether he wants Jacob on the team. Jacob does this all the time. We will talk about it until we are blue in the face and he still does it. He feels bad (sometimes) afterwards. I don't know how to help him and, honestly, it is so embarassing for me (I know I shouldn't be thinking about myself! ) that I can't stand the thought of taking him to practice tonight. It is pouring today and I am actually hoping that practice is canceled! So far the coach hasn't said anything.

Oh ... Jacob also has no friends. None. He just wants to move back to Arizona to be with his best friend back there. It makes me so sad. I am not sure what to do about it. He has plenty of opportunities to meet kids but doesn't try getting to know anyone. He doesn't play with anyone at recess.

Our other issue is poor Zachary. He was so sick last week and has not gotten better completely. He hasn't been a very happy camper! He had to take the TAKS practice reading test this week. This is the test that he has to pass to be promoted to 4th grade. He is not a slow learner and reads above grade level. BUT ... he failed the test. I am glad the teacher is so on the ball and calling me and giving me extra homework for him to do etc. His teacher and I have tried downplaying it with Zach but ... he has started having night terrors again and I think this is the cause.

As parents, we feel helpless and out of control. Sorry for the long ramble. I just needed to write some of this down to see if I can figure out what to do. It has been an emotional week for us. Anyway... if you got this far, thanks!!!

Robin

[DCJenn]

Robin-

Jeez- what a week you've had! The TAKS is supposedly harder than the TASS and I know a lot of the teachers have had to make adjustments, too. I really hate the idea of all of these kids being taught just to pass a stupid test- but that's the trend!

Have you spoken to the Coach? Maybe if he knew that the 'attitude' was your son's way of trying to show that he's not afraid- he'd cut him some slack. It's too bad about his not wanting to make any friends. Maybe in the back of his head he hopes that if he's miserable you guys will move mack to AZ. Or maybe it hurt so much to move from his friend, he doesn't want to go through that again. It's tough. I remember the day my brother's best friend moved to Utah, he wrote a story at school called "the worst day of my life". It was heartwrenching.

Good luck- and if you ever want to escape and go see a movie or have lunch- let me know!

Jenn

[Meenah]

Robin,
What a horrible week. I agree, you may want to talk to the coach. If he knows the source of the problem, he may just have some ideas to help. Good luck.
Luanne

[SueC]

I'm sorry you had such an awful week! We aren't dealing with the school issues yet, but that has got to be so stressful and heart-breaking when your kids are having trouble. I hope things improve for you guys soon!!!

[PrincessFiona]

bad week

Robin, I hear you loud and clear on this one. Our last week has been like this as well...here we were in the middle of baby fever (and trust me I'm SO OVER THAT right now!) and then bam...we had the same kind of a week. I went from desperately wanting another to calling Kelly carrying on that I wanted to run away from home and I couldn't take it anymore

I feel for Jacob...I really do. I was very similar as a child. We moved alot and I felt very frustrated/angry by change...I was known to act in similar ways, unfortunately. From my perspective part of this has to do with his personal coping style and the other part has to do with the move....At least for me, that is what it was. I reached an age where I began identifying the world around me and myself....and needed things to be the same. I needed something stable to believe in. When we moved, it got complicated. Here is an example from the Kristen catalog of life events: We moved to a new school from a school where I had been involved in a lot of activities. When we moved, I really couldn't accept the way that my new school did things. I was always criticising the school...openly...and it made things very hard for me. Here is the kicker...homecoming for my old school and my new school was on the same day that year...and I wore all of my pins, buttons and my letter jacket from my old school that day. 8O I had to sneak them in my bag because my mom had caught on and had forbidden me You can just imagine the response of the students at my new school, right.....

Jacob needs some extra TLC and to know that you understand how hard this is for him. I have no doubt in my mind that he feels horrible about what happened and that he wishes that he had been more in control. It's just hard when you're young and have so many mixed up feelings going on. He will adjust. Why don't you give the coach a call and explain what's going on without Jacob knowing...maybe he can come up with some good options?

My geometry teacher that year recognized how depressed/lonely I was. He talked to two girls in the class and asked them to befriend me I didn't know that this had happened until several months later...when we were moving again and one of the girls wrote in my yearbook: A rolling stone gathers no moss She told me that she was sad for me that we were moving so much and that our teacher had come to her and asked her to help me. It had worked...the fact that these two girls had befriended me had made a huge difference in my adjustment.

Jacob will adopt this new team in his heart and it will get better....I'm sorry for both of you thought that he's going through this.

Also...is there any way that Jacob could communicate with his best friend from AZ...maybe online?? Gosh, Robin... we could throw up a chatroom/message board just for them in the snap of a finger! It would save on your long distance bills. Or..Jacob could put together a website for himself....He can have some of our bandwidth if he wants or go to geocities.......

I'm thinking about you up here in the frozen tundra of MN....

Kris

[PrincessFiona]

parenting

Robin...I have to add..Parenting just is the toughest job in the world. We had no idea that it would be this challenging....We have also been struggling with emotional issues with our anxious oldest child and the defiance that my 6 year old daughter has been displaying....The kids right now just refuse to go to bed...and we've all got cabin fever from too much winter!

It can be so tough....and when things go wrong, I always end up feeling like it is a personal failure on my part....I hear you about feeling helpless and out of control at times. It's hard.

Kris

Thanks for all the support. Kris - thanks for sharing your story. That is exactly what Jacob is doing. He is SO critical of everything his school does and that his new coach is doing. He wants it to be just the same as Arizona. He does keep in touch with his best friend by e-mail. This friend sent a note at the beginning of the week letting us know that our old house if up for sale again. That is what triggered the homesickness! We went to realtor.com and there it was. Jacob and Zach were excited .... they wanted to buy our old house back!! 8O

The good news ... he came home from school today and asked if he could go over to a friend's house. I was trying to figure out who he was talking about. It ended up being a boy from church, who also goes to school with him. He also lives next door to another boy in Jacob's class and he came over too. YEAH!!!!! He had fun .... so just when things seem awful, there is a glimmer of light!!!

The other good news ... he just got back from soccer practice. Russ got home in time so I didn't have to go and Russ said it went much better. There was a boy there that hadn't been at the last practice and he was really nice to Jacob. The last time a couple of the kids yelled at him, which made things even worse. SO .... another glimmer of hope!!!

It is just amazing to me what a rollercoaster ride it is to be a parent. I intellectually knew this would be difficult but ... living it can be overwhelming at times. Hey - that just reminded me of the movie "Parenthood" where they compared the merry-go-round just going in circles and being boring ... or having children and riding the rollercoaster! It is a scary, fun ride and so worth it in the end!!!

Well - time to go out for Valentine's day so I had better go. I really appreciate all the comments. I'm sure I will ramble again.

Kris - I can so relate to the "being over having a baby this week"!