Moving with a 7 year old

[peggyfromwastate]

Hi- I have not posted much here on this forum, so I will introduce myself- I am Peggy from Washington State, and my husband will be starting medical school this fall in DC at the Uniformed Services University. We have 3 kids: Kate who is 7, and boy/girl twins who are 19 months. Lately, our 7 year old has been showing some stress/anxiety about the move, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how to make her more comfortable with it? She is in 1st grade and we have a trip planned to go to DC to house-hunt in May. She understands that it's very far away, and that she won't be able to go to the same school, but since we've never been through a big move, the unknown is stressing her out somewhat.

We're not so worried about the babies- I think that as long as they see their familiar stuff they'll be OK with the move. They probably will have more problems adjusting to Dad's change in schedule, since he won't have the strictly 40-hr work week he now enjoys!

Any advice out there? Thanks!

Peggy

We moved to San Antonio from Phoenix this past summer with four kids ages 10, 7, 5 and 2. I agree that your twins probably won't have much trouble with the move. My 2 year old just took it in stride. My 5 year old was pretty good about it too. He is an adventurer and we just kept getting him excited about the move and it was a piece of cake for him.

BUT ... it was much harder on my two oldest. They had good friends at school and don't do well with change. My 7-year old is our barometer for when the stress is too high in our house. He will start having night terrors, which started happening as the time grew closer to the move.

One of the things that really helped my kids was getting on the Internet and showing them all the things to do in San Antonio. I printed every brochure and map I could get my hands on. We went house hunting in May also without the kids but we really tried to get them involved by having them look at realtor.com and see what kind of houses they liked. I asked each of them what they wanted in our new house to see if we could accomodate them. Jacob wanted a 2-story house. Tyler wanted a treehouse and pool! Zachary wanted a big back yard. They picked some houses that fit our price range and criteria and we promised we would look at them when we came. That made them feel like they were really involved in the process. We did get a two-story house with a tree in the backyard (maybe a treehouse someday) and a hot tub in a fairly decent sized back yard. We also took tons of pictures of the house we picked to show the kids when we got home. That helped a lot for them to know what to expect.

We made a big deal about packing up their toys too. They packed all their own toys so they knew their toys would be coming with us. My kids seemed to think that we were going to leave EVERYTHING behind. We also got new comforters for the kids NEW bedroom in the new house that we waited to use until we got here.

We made sure we had their old friends addresses so that the kids could keep in touch. They still write to their friends occasionally back in Arizona. I let them call on our cell phone too so they know they still have their friends even if they live far away.

I am sure there is more but that is a start ... I will think about it some more. The amazing thing though is that kids seem to adjust better than adults in these situations, especially when they are young. Good luck with the move!!!!

Robin

[peggyfromwastate]

Thanks for the suggestions Robin! We have seen stress from her by some regression in behavior back to the 3 year old stage As if we didn't have enough of that going on... I never thought that it would occur to her that we wouldn't be bringing her toys along- I think that I need to sit down with her and just answer any questions she may have. Talking about it may be all she needs! We'll see...

Peggy

Great post, Robin! I agree with letting them pack their own toys. Sure it won't be packed perfectly but it let's them be involved and it really helps.

If they aren't going house-hunting with you, when you go try to take pictures of all the homes and neighborhoods you look at. Then when you are down to one or two that you are deciding on, see if you can find out what schools they would be going to and take pictures of those too. Once you do decide what home you want, try to meet their future teacher and you got it, take her picture. At home, let the kiddoes see the pictures so it won't be so scary because I do think it's the unknown they fear.

Good luck!

[peggyfromwastate]

Thanks for the advice! I like pictures too!

Does anyone have suggestions as to lessening the stress of leaving Grandma and Grandpa and other extended relatives? My 7-year old is especially attached to them. Moving across the country will mean that we'll only see them 1 or 2 times a year, and she is aware of that through conversations, but I don't think she can comprehend that kind of extended separation. I was thinking of having a picture collage that she hasn't seen before prepared for her in her new room at the new house, wherever that may be. Should I involve her in making this picture collage? Or is a surprise a good idea? The good thing is that she'll be starting school very soon after we arrive in DC (probably within 2 weeks) and so she'll get busy right away, but I know that missing my mom will be very hard on her. Any thoughts on how to deal with this aspect of moving?

Thanks!