I don't mean to sound ungrateful

[Phoebe]

My in-laws visited us this weekend. Beforehand, my MIL asked what she could get Avery for Easter. I suggested a puzzle. She came with a puzzle, book, a wooden Noah's Ark and markers. Over the weekend, we did some shopping only because we had an open house going on at our home. My MIL proceeded to buy Avery two wooden puzzles, two videos, some clothes and a stuffed animal. I am upset with her spending so much on our daughter, especially at one time. I asked her nicely not to buy the toys because our daughter already has enough. She says she enjoys doing it and doesn't see Avery enough and that she does the same for her other grandchildren.

I am uncomfortable with this situation because eventhough she may be too young to understand now, I don't want Avery to grow up expecting gifts from her grandparents. I don't think my MIL knows how to show love or affection without it being through money. My sister-in-law and I feel the same way and have asked her to not give our kids presents like she does. I would rather have the money put in a college fund or something. I am annoyed that she doesn't respect our wishes. My husband kind of joked about her going overboard, but she doesn't hear things she doesn't want to hear.

I don't want to sound ungrateful that my MIL is so generous to her grandchildren. A couple friends of mine said I should feel lucky because it is less things I have to buy. I would rather her spend time with her playing etc, not spending money. My FIL got down on the floor and played with Avery and by the end of the weekend she was wanting to sit in his lap. That is what makes her happy. Am I wrong for not wanting my MIL to go overboard on gifts and money?

Jennifer

[Meenah]

Apparently she doesn't know any other way, and probably never will, and may not want to be any other way. I have found we cannot control the behaviour of others, only our reaction. Try to find a positive here, because life is too short to waste energy and emotion on something you can't control.Best of luck to you.
Luanne

[SueC]

I used to get annoyed about that, too, but over time I've learned to just accept it. My daughters are showered with gifts by both sets of grandparents, and it used to make me feel kind of uncomfortable as well (especially with my in-laws since I didn't feel I could come right out and say anything to them about like I could my own parents). Anyhow, I finally decided that the girls were going to be spoiled by their grandparents either way and it was just easier to accept it and enjoy that they were getting so many nice things that I didn't have to pay for. I think you'll find that as your daughter gets older, they start to discover that gifts aren't the only way or even the easiest way into her heart. I have found that both sets of grandparents have slowed down a little on the spending and are looking more for ways of spending quality time and building memories instead of just buying things. For instance, the other day when my dad came he brought cupcake mix and baked with the girls instead of the usual bag of goodies that he brings. So I guess I don't have any real advice, but thought I'd comment anyway !

[Meenah]

I love the cupcake idea!!!!!!

[Rapunzel]

My parents do the same thing. I have their only grandchildren and they spoil them as much as humanly possible with gifts. I make sure that as the children get older they express gratitude and respect for their grandparents and I try very hard to instill in them that their grandparents love them even if they don't give them anything. So far so good. I let my parents get a kick out of giving things to their grandchildren, and I end up spending less on presents and clothing than I normally would.

My parents are pretty reasonable about gifts. My husband's parents are not. We have come to realize that this is just something they are going to do. We scale back on birthday and Christmas gifts because we know she will receive so many from his folks. Also, in the days before those gift-giving extravaganzas we really clean up Bryn's room and box up any toys she isn't using. (Either to save for a next child, visitors, or to give away). That helps to keep us feeling stuffed to the gills with stuff.
I totally, totally agree that it would be nice if they spent more time building a *relationship* with her rather than giving her *things*. The thing is that if they really scaled back on the gifts it wouldn't be in "exchange" for spending more time with her. So not a lot would change except for them feeling like we have criticized them as grandparents (even if we told them in a polite, caring way). Can't really win with them.
It sounds like they gave her nice gifts and age-appropriate things to play with. My in-laws consistently give gifts that are at least a year or two too old for Bryn. You know, marbles for a 6 month old, tool set (small pieces) for a 1 yr old, a (big) trike for a 18 month old. We have had some success in dealing with that.....

[SueC]

nmh--I had to laugh at those gift choices! Who would give marbles to a 6 month old?

I know, I know. And you are right -- the best response is to just laugh it off!
It's my father-in-law who is really bad about it. My MIL shows him the age range on toys and he says.....oh, she'll be fine playing with that.
The marbles were the best (or worst) yet. Did he really think she would play with them? Look at them? That we would hang on to the marbles until she is, like 5 years old?

[Phoebe]

Grandparents are funny. I don't know why I care so much about the gifts. I think anything my MIL does right now irks me.

Jennifer

I don't if its true for any of you, but my parents go overboard with my kids because now they are in a postion where they can do it, whereas when I was little they had 4 kids to raise and money was tight. Small subconscious guilt in my opinion. I just tell them to save up that money and when the girls are teenagers and they want the real expensive junk I will tell them to ask Grandma and Grandpa, they have been saving up for years, LOL .