nocturnal wandering

[houseelf]

Whoever deemed the twos to be terrible was completely off....it has to be the threes that are difficult. Two was a breeze in comparison.

The latest issue that we are dealing with is night wandering out of his new big boy bed. This happens 4-5 times a night and makes us all tired and cranky. This, in turn, makes us less able to deal with some other new fun behavior he has learned. How did you all teach your kids to stay in bed all night?

The good news about the nocturnal wandering is that he is getting up by himself to go potty. I swear, it is almost like he trained in a week. He just had to be ready and decide for himself it was time.

The other challenge that we am facing is defiance. It is almost like he and I are struggling to assert who is in control (e.g. when he gets dressed, whether he gets dressed, what he wears) and I'm not sure who is winning. Everything is a power struggle and it just seems like we are at loggerheads. Notably, he reserves this power struggle just for dear old mommy. Everyone else comments how well behaved he is. I'm really trying to choose my battles, but this new found independence is wearing me down. Help! I feel like so much of our energy is focused on negative stuff right now instead of positive. It makes me feel like a pretty crappy parent.

Kelly

[peggyfromwastate]

I wish I had some help to offer you, but really I don't! My daughter Kate was the same way-- the twos were Terrific, and the Threes were horrific. Well, I had to survive and when I found myself being too stressed out and just beating myself up for being the negative, nagging parent I had to decide to let a battle go. I did not ever fight with her about what she wore to preschool, or even to church as long as it was not a swimsuit! She wore gymnastics outfits to school, even... The teachers were very patient b/c they had experienced her strong will themselves! I had to narrow it down to the non-negotiable things, and when I told her to do something she didn't like, I just had to prepare myself for a big reaction. I tried (and still do) to tell her well in advance what we will be doing, so that when it's time for that event, she is somewhat ready. This seemed to cut down on the dramatics somewhat. For instance, I noticed that every time we changed activities (such as turned off a video to go to the store) she would flip out. So, before she watched a video (for example) I would tell her the next activity that was coming up. Then, about 10 minutes from when we had to leave, I'd remind her. Then again... Anyway, if you choose fewer things to battle over, I believe the child will eventually come to the conclusion that you, the parent, are indeed in control. This is normal behavior, but it is so exhausting! I think the emotional strain of the terrible 3's is more intense than any other period. And some children do not do this testing, so of course there will be other mothers out there who look at you like you should have your parenting license taken away for sheer incompetence.

Night wandering-- we haven't experienced this issue. Most people who I know who have dealt with this make their house as safe as possible, and just let their child wander. They say their kids grow out of it... That's awesome that he's potty trained, though! Maybe he gets up b/c he has to go, and then just wants to explore the house because it's all so different at night when everything is quiet!!!

[peggyfromwastate]

Oh- another thing-- that your child feels comfortable to act out with you and maybe not with other people should be an encouragement to you. This shows that he trusts you to stay with him and help him through this difficult developmental step. He needs you to keep the boundary and he's looking for you to remain in control. Try to feel encouraged that to this point you have built a strong enough bond with him that he trusts you above all others to stay with him and comfort him, even when he himself feels out of control (in the midst of a tantrum, for example). I know this is a huge strain, and wouldn't we love it if they could just give Daddy the grief that they give us each day??? Needless to say, my kids all do the same thing. With my mom they are sooo perfect, and with their Dad they are pretty good, too. They all reserve their worst moments for me...

Kelly,
I agree with Peggy, you need to choose your battles wisely, and rein in some of the control. It will be hard to do but it will change the "unwanted" behavior into to tolerable, then great behavior. We went through the same situation, power struggle over nearly every thing we did in a "normal" day. Breakfast, clothes, bathtime, nap-time...you name it, we had a rumble. I just stopped giving Drew options over the things I needed to have done. Other things, I let him choose so he felt like he was winning (or maybe he let me feel like I was winning..)
Two years was wonderful compared to three.

We haven't dealt with night meanderings....I can't imagine. Sorry no help from me in that area, we still get up and help when he cries out "I need to go potty" just to make sure we don't have wet feet in the morning trip to the bathroom!