Best advice

[houseelf]

I know that new parents are often flooded with unwelcome advice, but I was wondering what the best advice that you ever received regarding your kids?

Kelly

[houseelf]

I'll start....

Although everyone might not agree with it, this is the advice that has worked for me and my family.

1. Get ready for a love like you've never known before. (This was written in a card at one of my baby showers and it is one of the most poignant statements I've ever heard.)

2. If you are breastfeeding almost exclusively, transition straight to sippy cups instead of bottles when you want to start weaning. This skips an entire step in weaning and allows for one less stressful transition.

3. Don't use Pull Ups when potty training. Kids figure out that these are diapers use them accordingly. It might work better if you just use triple ply training pants and deal with a few messes early in the process.

4. Never clean your house instead of taking time to spend with your kids.

Kelly

I'd love to hear your thoughts. By the way, I have used several suggestions from this board. Sally, was it you who said that when your boys had an accident, you direct them in a nonaccusatory way to be responsible for cleaning themselves up and handed them the wipes? I love this and have incorporated into our household. Robin, was it you who said that once when your second youngest child was throwing a particularly bad tantrum and testing your last nerve that you stopped and gave him a hug instead of the usual punishment? I used this once when I felt that a situation was careening out of control in our house. I get such great info here! Thanks!

[mommax3]

Best advice ever: (and I don't know where I got it -- probably read it somewhere)

Enjoy the journey -- don't be rushing ahead to the next stage, worrying about what they aren't doing, what they are doing, etc. Give in to the "zen" of parenthood and be in the moment with your kids as much as you can.

This has helped me SO much. Everyone always said "enjoy it, they grow up fast", and I believed them, but the above explained to me HOW to enjoy it. And they do grow up heartbreakingly quickly.

About eating -- offer lots of choices and then LET IT GO -- no small child has ever willingly starved themselves.

For kids who wet the bed (my older boys both do 8O ) make their beds with a bottom sheet and a blanket ONLY (over a waterproof mattress cover, of course) and then you don't have near as much laundry to do when the bed gets wet -- this advice (from my best friend who has four kids) has saved me numerous loads of laundry.

Always try to say yes, set your child up to succeed (i.e. if you want a calm evening, make sure they take their nap! ), treat your child with respect, and err on the side of love are other wonderful pieces of advice that I have internalized.

Sally

[SueC]

My first bit of advice it to treat your children with respect, offer choices and apologize to them when you've done something wrong.

Be consistent with discipline--even if you're humiliated in public because theay are kicking and screaming over a toy, don't give in just because people are watching.

This one's controversial with some, but I let my kids "cry it out" as babies around 6 or 7 months of age and I'm blessed with 2 children who go to bed at night and at naptime without incident.

Lastly, use the words "I love you" liberally. This is one area where my parents were lacking and I craved to hear those words as a child.

[Rapunzel]

Absolute best pieces of advice I have ever received (mostly from my mother and father - both in word and action):

1)Practice what you preach. Do not break the rules you set for your own children and prove yourself a hypocrite - set the example for your children. That can be hard at times, and I've made my share of mistakes but I think personal integrity is the single most important thing I can teach my children.

2)Never tell your child they were/acted "bad". We also never use the term "good boy" or "good girl" when they have done something well. Why? Because they may feel that when they make mistakes they are "bad" if they are characterized as "good" when we are happy with them. I do not want my children to ever feel they are bad people. Too often people who think of themselves as bad feel that they are inherently so and cannot change. So, I try to teach my children that they make mistakes - and ALL mistakes can be corrected. In our household rather than saying a person is bad or good we instead focus on the behavior and choices made. Rather than passing judgement on an entire individual then, we can think about the consequences of actions and decisions and the ability to change no matter what.

3)Enjoy your children's childhoods. Don't wish they were older because "then it will be easier". Your children will only be little once - so enjoy it while you can.

4)You do not own your children - you are their protector, their teacher, their advocate, their source of unconditional love. But, they do not "belong" to you - treat them like your equal (or rather "an equal-in-training") with respect as you teach them and help them grow.

Read to them. The sooner the better. Moreover, let them see you read. You are giving them a gift that will carry them far in life and a building block to learning.

Do not try to be the coolest parent. Don't try to be their friend because they need you to be an authority figure. Children relish and are comforted by rules and boundaries.

RE: Potty traing - nobody gets married in their diapers. They'll do it in their own time. The more you fret the bigger the issue needlessly becomes.

Foster respect for self, others, and property.

Be interested in what they're interested in. If you kidlet is into volcanoes, go to the library and get books, help him build one.

Be generous with your time. After all the toys are broken and forgotten, it's the memories with you they will remember.

[Meenah]

1- Always look into their eyes when you speak with your child, from day one.

2- Speak with your child not AT him or her.

My advice :
Enjoy them, it does go by way too fast. Caroline graduates from HIgh School in one month!!!
Luanne

[houseelf]

This thread touched my heart....such beautiful sentiments.

Thanks,

kelly

[HeartRN]

This was great to read....getting ready to become a mom for the first time has made me a little anxious sometimes, but this really helped me with some of the uncertainty. Thank you!

[PrincessFiona]

thread

What an aweseome thread! Thanks for sharing this everyone!

kris

This is a great thread!

I know I am late chiming in, but two things came to mind. First, they do grow up so FAST and as much as you think you will remember every little moment....you don't. Live in the moment!
Second, it's the overall big picture, day-in-day-out parenting that leaves an impression on your child. So, let yourself off the hook for one day of ranting and raving. The mommy-guilt can be so hard on you -- I snapped at her all day, wasn't consistent, etc, etc.....as long as this is not what you are like everyday, chances are it's not what they remember about you as a parent or their childhood in general. Most of the time you can let yourself off that mommy-guilt hook.