Messy Room

[bobk]

Please help! My six year old daughter is a total slob and can't keep her room clean more than a couple days. I've tried just about everything. The biggest problem is she refuses to get rid of anything, so as crap accumulates, it's just so much easier to make a mess. Part of me wants to be really strict, but I know I was very good at that age either. Any recommendations on navigating through this?

[Thirteen]

My parents had a "time-out" box for toys/etc. left around the house. Their idea was that if they had to pick it up, then it became theirs for a while.
Not sure if that will work for your 6 yr. old, but it definitely motivated us not to leave our toys all over the place.
Another thing my parents did was make sweeping rounds of debulking toys that were older/not played with as much. (I'd say 3-4x a year). To be honest, I never really noticed if things went missing, because I had my favorites and those were never sold in a garage sale or donated. YMMV.

[Michele]

Close the door.

As a former severely messy roomed child, it's not worth the fight. My room was so messy in high school even, that there was a good 6-8 inches of stuff covering the entire floor. Wall to wall. I finally out grew it on my own. But it drove my neat freak mom and sister absolutely crazy. My sister was always the type to lay each outfit out the night before, hair bruh goes back in the same place immediately after using it...my mom is the same. Me? Not even close!!! My mom used to threaten, take away privileges, ground me, garbage bags. Nothing worked.

Actually to be perfectly honest, I think what changed me was when I had a roach crawl on me in bed duing high school. Roaches aren't attracted to filth, but clutter. And my room was cluttered to the max! Piles upon piles of clean laundry. Man. I'm embarrassed thinking about it.

I'm not like that now. So there is hope for her. My mom's only solution ended up being to close the door.

[DCJenn]

Once a month or so we have a big clean-up day and everything must be put away in the proper place. He knows how to throw the comforter over his sheet so at least the bed looks made. My rule is that he doesn't have to pick it all up but if I step on anything walking around his room, whatever 'it' is that I've stepped on is MINE.

That's worked so far.

Jenn

[diggitydot]

The rule in our house is that rooms can have an acceptable level of mess until someone wants a visitor. Then rooms need to be cleaned. If kids want new clothes/toys/whatever, they're required to go through their crap and get rid of whatever doesn't fit, is no longer "cool", or they just don't like before I'll even consider a shopping trip.

[Phoebe]

Having three kids between 4 and 9, I van completely relate to your struggle. There are times I demand to clean the room, most often picking up clothes and putting away their laundry. My 4 year old does the best job. I also go through their rooms and purge stuff while they are at school. They never miss anything and I feel like the rooms are more organized. It is a win-win.

Our biggest struggle is them leaving stuff all over the family living spaces and not wanting to be responsible for it. Then I keep things.

[Pollyanna]

Close the door.

I completely agree with Michele. Don't waste your bullets on a clean room, there will be much bigger issues in the future. I will say that when I want the kids to clean their rooms for whatever reason I do expect it to be done in a timely manner and in an age appropriate way. All of our kids collect stuff, even silly things like gold candy wrappers

[SoonerTexan]

Actually to be perfectly honest, I think what changed me was when I had a roach crawl on me in bed duing high school. Roaches aren't attracted to filth, but clutter. And my room was cluttered to the max! Piles upon piles of clean laundry. Man. I'm embarrassed thinking about it

Maybe buy some plastic bugs?

[Tenacious_D]

As long as there is no food involved, I'm with Michele and say close the door!

[ladymoreta]

I was also a messy room kid. I had to clean my room if I had friends over, otherwise, I just had a path to my bed and my parents avoided coming in at all costs.

[alison]

I have the feeling my dd takes after my husband. In restaurants, she'll grab napkins and start cleaning the floor!

I was a messy child. I think 6 might be a little young to come down hard on messiness, but my dh is always asking me how hard it is to treat your belongings with respect. Ouch! Thanks for the guilt trip!

[houseelf]

I'm not a close-the-door sort of parent. My 11 y.o. is expected to keep it *reasonably* clean. (Believe me, this is a low threshhold when you consider the cleanliness standard of an 11 y.o.). I've worked on this for so long that occasionally he'll ask me to come in and help him sort and organize. This is great because I usually transfer a bunch of outgrown toys and books to the 6 y.o.

My 6 y.o. developmentally still needs my help and direction. Occasionally when she is gone, I go through and weed out old toys. She always comments how nice her room looks afterwards. I think 6 is the age of hoarding. They are obsessed with junky trinkets. I'm o.k. with that as long as the trinkets are organized and she is actually able to play with them. When it is just one big free for all, she doesn't even know what she has so I have no compunction in tossing the crap.

In other words, ITA with the maxim to "choose your battles" because enforcing absolute cleanliness doesn't preserve the parent's precious emotional energy for the real battles ahead. (Wow, how is that for a dramatization of parenting!) Nonetheless,it is my house, my rules. I expect a reasonably clean room.

[scrub-jay]

What about instituting a donate to charity event once per month and make her pick XX things to give to someone in need? This worked very well for a good friend of mine with 2 boys.

[peggyfromwastate]

I have To purge when they are away. Anytime I've tried to have them pick toys they don't need, they either throw a massive fit or pick something that they still play with a lot.

They never miss anything when I go throw it all and purge.

That being said, we shut the door and ignore the mess for the most part. I hate the toys lying around the living room though. Drives me nuts!!! If I had room for a time out box somewhere I'd totally do that...

[DCJenn]

I don't allow toys out of the bedroom because I figure it's my house and MY toys get to be everywhere and when it's his house he can do whatever he wants. Although, at this point I'd guess everything in his house will be made of of Legos. (Kelly, as an aside, how long does this last? You were dead on about Thomas the f-ing Tank Engine, after all. I just sent them off to my nephew.

J.