Lately I feel like a drill seargeant

[SueC]

We're battling it out over picking up toys. My 3 year old had been doing okay and I'm trying to get the almost 2 year old to pitch in. The result is that both of them hang around the playroom and get distracted, or move at a snail's pace. The only way I can get them to pick up the toys is if I stand in there and bark very specific orders at them. It gets the job done but I end up feeling more like a drill seargeant then a mom. I hate having to yell like that, I'm sure there's a better way. Does anyone have any wonderful suggestions to get us out of this pattern?

[Michele]

At this one preschool I volunteered at, they had a clock that would sing "Clean up, clean up everyone it's time to clean up." It was really annoying, but they had about 5 minutes to clean the entire room up and the children thought it was like a game to see who could clean up the most.

Michele

My children are a bit older (7 & 8) but I calmly tell them before I close the door that they can come out when the room's picked up. That usually buys me enough time to do something uninterrupted for at least 15 minutes! But since yours are a bit younger, I'd suggest not let them go to the next fun activity until it is as clean as a 2 & 3 year old can manage. Usually all they can do is dump it all into some sort of toy box with minimal organization involved.

Well, this is my 2nd time responding because I lost my internet connection (this new modem better work!!).

Anyway, Sue, we have been having this issue in our house as well. Here are a few things that are working for us:

1. As with so many parenting issues, pick your battles. Bryn's art supply area was getting really messy. Think lots of crayons and markers rolling around on a wood floor....entertaining for on-lookers but not exactly safe. Also, her supplies were getting ruined with markers drying out, crayons getting broken, etc. So, this was a priority for us. When she is done with art projects, she caps the markers, puts the paintbrush away, closes ink pads, and puts all the stuff in a big rubbermaid container. We also try to get the paper put away but the supplies are the higher priority. Eric re-organizes and tidies up the art stuff every few days (he is rather, um, anal about these things).

2. Try to have some organization but not too much (as Thu Van points out). She has an art area, book baskets, an area for animals and babies, and then sort of free-for-all set of bins for the other toys. She does great with the art stuff and books but the other toys are harder. Part of the problem is that we need to get some better organization for those other toys. The bins aren't big enough and she can't see into all of them at once.

3. We were cleaning up at the end of the day and that was just too late for her. We are trying to clean up after each project. Honestly, sometimes if it is too tedious I just do it. Or have her do part of it then I finish up.

4. It helps if I am helping her to pick up and we do it together. Sometimes I'll sing a little song -- "pick up the toys and put them in the basket" (repeat over and over :P ) or "it's time to clean up, clean up, clean up, it's time to clean up all of Bryn's toys." Maybe she goes faster just so that I'll quit singing!

This is *best case scenario* btw and it doesn't always work like this.

Not the one to be giving advise as I am in the next room telling my 5 year old for the 50th time today to clean her room. I stand by my "I didn't make the mess, so Mommy is not cleaning it up" but apparantly its not working. I have this battle with her daily. The 2 yr old on the other hand is very good because she is at the "I don't want to upset Mommy" and "Mommy is happy when I clean my room so I will" stage.

I think cleaning up with them helps a lot. I help by putting all the Legos in a pile so that my 3-year old can put them in the box etc. Singing the Clean up song worked great with my first three kids. It annoys Dallin to no end, which is quite hilarious. "Don't sing mom!!!!"

With my six year old he has to stay in his room until it is cleaned. If he decides to play in his room, that is fine but he can't come out until it is cleaned. He could be in there for hours!!! But it is his responsibility and not mine.

My 9 and 11 year olds have a time limit and then inspection by mom! For some reason they will clean their room and not make their bed! I don't get that. It drives me crazy!

The problem I had with the "Mommy didn't make the mess" rule (which I used at some point) was that then my kids refused to clean up anything that they didn't do themselves. If I asked one son to pick up the living room, he said he didn't make any of the mess or he only picked up what he thought he might have left out. So I quit saying that. Now I say we are all a family and we have to keep the house clean together and I assign each kid a different room to help clean up. It is an ongoing process.

My kids like lists where they can cross things off every time they accomplish it. I will list everything like ... made bed, picked up stuffed animals, all toys in toy box, books in book shelf, etc. I do this with my older kids too and there is no TV, computer or other fun activity until the list is done. This works well when I stick with it. Consistency is important and something I am still working on.

Robin

Just another thought on this...
I think that the reason why we have had such success with cleaning up the art supplies is that she sees a direct consequence of not doing it. If the markers don't get capped, they don't work, and we have to throw them away. We don't make too big a deal of it but seeing a favorite color go in the trash can seemed to make an impression.

[Rapunzel]

What I have done with my two four year olds, the six year old, and the 18 month old toddler (well, she kind of doesn't "do" this, she just watches and attempts to thwart our efforts ):

1)Threw away all toys which were a)infrequently played with, b)broken, or c)missing parts.

2)Bought plastic containers with lids for all toys - appropriately sized to the toy. Labeled containers.

3)Bought a two-door white laminate locking cabinet with shelves from Wal-Mart. One of those babies has enough room for two kids' toys most definitely (so we need two in our house).

4)My kids may only have one toy a piece out at a time. If they want something else they have to pick up what they already have out. (So at any time we have four toy boxes open).

5)All toys must be picked up BEFORE dinner. I used to try to get the kids to pick up their toys before bedtime but the problem was I was too tired to feel like helping them and they would take so long they got to bed far too late. More often than not I would throw my hands in the air and say "Forget it" when confronted with all the toys at the end of the night when I just wanted my little kids to go to sleep. Now, if the kids want to eat, they have to clean up. Good incentive. Added incentive is reminding them about dessert AFTER dinner.

6)I help sometimes. The baby obviously needs a lot of help. Because the toys have their own boxes the kids know exactly where to put the toys.

This strategy may seem complex but once you do the dirty work of culling the toys and then boxing and labeling them it is much easier. The locking cabinet has been a blessing because it keeps the toys out of sight when not in use (and out of sight is out of mind with little kids), and I have a method of physically controlling how many toys are in play at any given time.

[PrincessFiona]

holy cow

Jennifer...please come to my home immediately!!!.....The play room is all YOURS!



kris

[Rapunzel]

I can just see it, though: One day my kids will nickname me "The General". (Jon can be Col. Klink or something).

[PrincessFiona]

kids

I can just see it, though: One day my kids will nickname me "The General".

hehehe....I'm picturing this happening about the time they hit oh....13 8) Of course...my 7 year old has been going around shooting me dirty looks for the last two weeks 8O You never know...I'm sure that some day my children will be laying on their therapist couch saying all kinds of things about me too

kris

[SueC]

Thanks for the advice guys! I think one of my problems right now is I have so many toys accessible that they go in and take 5 different things out at once and then it is a disaster to pick it back up again. I like Rapunzel's idea of keeping them under lock and key and taking one out at a time. They do a really good job if it is say just a bunch of legos that all go in the same container. Yesterday my babysitter told Maya (the 3 year old) that whoever picked up the toys the fastest got to pick the movie--it worked like a charm. Who would have guessed a 19 year old girl with very little childcare experience would find a better solution than I did?

At one point when I was very tired and pregnant with #3 I told the first two that they had 15 minutes to pick up the toys (I would set a timer). Whatever was still left out was going into a big trash bag and taken to the garage. When or if they would get them back was up in the air - an arbitrary rule that as a parent I was gleefully allowed to make.

For awhile it worked like a charm. Then when they started to get lazy and didn't care if toys did get put in a trash bag, I followed through and sure enough the next time they picked up and quick. Several months later they would "find" their old toys and it was as if they were new again. Then I knew they had too many toys if they didn't even miss the ones that were put away and did a version of what Jennifer did - put some out of sight in a closet and rotated toys every now and then.

[SueC]

We did that a few weeks ago. I asked them several times to pick up their toys and I threatened to put them in the trash. They didn't so I sacked it all up and put it out on the curb. Trash day was the next day so I was planning on at least taking the toys and putting them in the trunk of my car so I could donate them, but wouldn't you know the trash men came early that week so they all got taken to the dump! They were good toys, too! The girls were pretty upset and they did a little better with their toys for a week or so, but the effect has worn off unfortunately! We were with some friends the other day and Maya turned to my friend and said "did you notice that my mom and dad have been throwing my toys away?"

[Meenah]

LOL, out of the mouths of babes!!!!!!!!!
Luanne