My little angel-devil

[Phoebe]

My 22 month-old has hit the terrible twos early! One minute I look at her adoringly and eat up her loving, funny personality and think I couldn't have a more perfect child. The next minute I am ready to put her up for adoption (not really!). How can one child go from one extreme to the next in 10 seconds. Our angel loves hugs, kisses, babies, magazines, the Wiggles, Elmo and popsicles. Our devil stamps her feet, throws things, tries to hit me when she is angry and whines like the best of the them. After talking to other moms, I am told these behaviors are normal for someone her age.

However, the whining and drama is exhausting. Sometimes I don't know how to react when she pushes the limits on things she knows are wrong. I have tried distracting her, removed her from the situation, been firm with Nos or telling her a certain behavior is naughty, taken away her food when appropriate for the situation, ignored her and even tried a one minute time out once. She had no clue why I made her sit in a chair. We have also tried to pick our battles and positively reinforcing proper behaviors like sitting in a chair at the table instead of standing or climbing on top of the table. No one tactic has been overly effective for discipline. Sometimes I feel like my child is walking all over me! And I am the tougher parent in our household.

Any suggestions or relief that she may eventually grow out of this?

Jennifer

[mommax3]

She will grow out of all of this to some extent, but you do need to be consistent in the meantime and try to structure her day so that she has lots of chances to do the right thing. Is she getting out of her chair and standing on the table while she is supposed to be eating? Maybe you need to go back to strapping her into a booster seat or something if that is the case.

Probably some of her acting out is due to the move, too. Are you still pretty busy with unpacking, etc.? When my kids were that age and were being HORRIBLE, it usually correlated with me being too busy to sit down and play with them, and if I just gave in (no matter what I needed to do) and sat with them for 30 minutes or so, things improved dramatically.

I also found that my boys thrived on a lot of structure in their days, and 5 minute warnings before they had to change activities. If I offered them choices, it was between two acceptable things so that both of us ended up happy. My 22 month old throws toys when he is frustrated with them -- is that the case for your daughter? I try to talk him through that, or put the toy away if he is too tired to be rational. I can identify with the hitting, also, unfortunately! I usually grab their arm tightly and say "no hitting -- be nice" (we say "be nice" when he pets the cats so he knows what that means) and if he keeps doing it, we change activities. He (so far) has only hit me when he is being silly, not when he is mad, but my oldest used to hit when he had tantrums and I would just tell him "no hitting mommy" and lay him on the floor in his room and leave for a while.

It really is typical of the age, but not fun to live through, I know.

Sally

No, that stage is no fun at all. It started a few months before 2 for us as well -- the good news is that it didn't last for all of two.
Sally has some great tips -- be consistent -- she is learning rules right now and wants to see if they change or stay the same. There is a lot of stability and reassurance for them in you having the same response (to positive and negative things). We started doing the choices around that age too. You can also offer her choices in other areas so she feels like she has some control -- do you want a red shirt or blue shirt today? Cheerios or Kix? That sort of thing. It needs to not be open-ended choices, like what do you want for breakfast.

I would stick with the time-outs a little longer. She will probably start to figure it out.

A friend of mine with a 2 1/2 year old said of her daughter's change in mood, "If she weren't two, I would swear that she is bi-polar." Yep!!

[houseelf]

Jennifer,

Hey, were our kids separated at birth and each of us given one half of this set of twins? I think that the most poignant piece of wisdom that I have heard about this stage is that having a two year old introduces you to the concept that you want to wholly consume your perfect child in a fit of overwhelming love....and at the same time run as far away as you can to some secret, peaceful place to escape the maddening insanity.

I have no novel approaches: I fumble through redirects, ignoring, time outs, talking, spanking, isolating, in some weird combination that baffles me. It does get better. Avery will learn to articulate her thoughts and feelings and understand your rationale when you explain why it is inappropriate to pee in the heat duct or throw batteries down the stairs at Grandma's dog. (Ooops....am I overidentifying?)

If all else fails, I just try to remain calm by thinking about those familie with quintuplet two year olds. Also, I can honestly say that three gets better so keep in mind this is a short period of time. They can self entertain for longer periods of time, play with friends, explain their frustration, and are generally more self sufficient.

You just reminded me that we will both be doing the "twos" again soon. Pass the Malox.

Kelly

You just reminded me that we will both be doing the "twos" again soon. Pass the Malox.

Malox all around. I've had this thought too. We're doing *what* again?

Another suggestion, Jennifer. If you haven't found one or two already, now might be a good time to find a parenting book that you like and identify with. We liked (and still reference) The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears. A helpful suggestion that we received was go the bookstore, thumb through a bunch of books in the parenting section, and go with one or two that resonate with you.

[Rapunzel]

Nothing to add to the advice - just empathy.

[SueC]

We are there as well. Sydney is 23 months and has turned into quite the hellion! Her sister was a perfect toddler so I guess I was due to have a difficult one. I do time outs and they seem to work, though they consist of me holding her on my lap for a few minutes--there is no way I could get her to sit in a chair for time out. I don't really have any advice either--just be consistent and eventually she will get it!