Questions for all the moms

Hi all you mommies out there. My name is Cherry and I just recently joined this board. I have been married a year and my clock is seriously ticking! : 8O I wanted to get your feedback on having a baby at this time.

My husband is 3rd year just starting his rotations and I am starting a new job as a teacher. He is concerned about having a baby because I am basically away from all my friends and family and he does not know how much time he can spend with me. He is trying to get a residency back in California where both our families live so if we do have a baby I have people around me.

However, I do not want to wait another 2 years to get pregnant. I'm turning 30 this August and my best friends all have children. Plus I heard that 4th year is not so bad and I would actually get to see him more. Being a teacher I would get the summer off and still get paid. Is it impractical to try to get pregnant this year? What do you all think?

[SueC]

I don't think its impractical at all. My husband had a really easy 4th year. I think it was actually kind of nice having the kids around during my husband's busier times--I wasn't as lonely as I was during intern year when he didn't have kids yet. Also, I think if you feel ready, it would be really hard to put it off for 2 whole years.

[mommax3]

This question comes up a lot, and there are as many opinions on this one as there are people. Fourth year does tend to be a little easier, it's true, but third year can be a bear and if you feel nauseated at the beginning of your pregnancy, or develop complications later on, it might be hard for your husband to be with you as much as he/you would want.

You have to give him kudos for raising the objections that he has --- the more involved he is with your children from the beginning, the harder it will be for medicine to move too high on his priority list.

Maybe you could compromise and have a baby towards the end of fourth year --- that way he will be more available to you while you are pregnant and far from family, and you will be changing jobs after that year anyway, at least according to your current plan, so you might as well take the last six weeks of the year as a maternity leave and have the whole summer besides.

It is very hard to plan these things according to convenient due dates, though, so the best advice I can give you is listen to your husband because having kids needs to be a joint effort from the beginning.....and not just for "obvious" reasons. You both need to be in the same place mentally about having kids or there could be a lot of misunderstandings and resentment later on. Your marriage is relatively new, as well, (although I don't know how long you two have been together) and med school and marriage is plenty to have on your plate. Keep talking to him, and try to be flexible --- it is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of your life as a medical spouse, particularly in the next few years.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Sally

[Rapunzel]

Wow. That is one tough question, Cherry. My only advice is that you and your husband make a decision that you are both satisfied with if at all possible! Talk to him about it some more and chances are you will figure out what is the best solution. Good luck!

I appreciate the feedback from everyone. I guess this is a topic my husband and I will continue discussing. Looking at most of these posts I see that there are many stay at home moms. I would love to be one someday but with residency and loans how do you all do it? We are barely supporting just the two of us. :

[SueC]

I work from home and considering the debt we racked up before kids and with school, this is the only way we could do it. I'm sure if we had been more responsible we could have made ends meet but this is a reality for us so we are making the best of it! Good luck with your decision!