Scared of Swimming--WWYD?

[Auspicious]

So. I consider learning to swim mandatory for my kids. My plan (, right?) was to get the kids started on swim lessons once we hit attendinghood. Here we are.

Cora is 3.5, she's quite confident overall and not nervous about new situations and separates from me easily. She likes being around water--loves the splash pad, would willingly go to the outdoor pool back at our old MN apartment complex, but only wanted to "sit on the stairs," dip her feet and hands in the edges, etc. When it comes to getting in the water, forget it. She's clearly scared.

She has never been in the water in a life vest. We have, a couple of times, scooped her up and waded out into the middle of the pool carrying her--she barely tolerates it, clings tensely to our necks and asks to "go back to da side" the whole time until we take her back there.

When me moved here a month ago Cora was with me while we toured the Y and when the guide took us into the pool area she immediately tensed up and hid behind me. Since then whenever I mildly point out the existence of the pool--"Cora, look at those kids taking turns jumping into the water. That looks like fun." She says, "We're not going in there. Right? I'm not going in there." She seems more scared of the Y pool than she was of our old apartment complex pool, for sure. I'm feeling very unsure of how much to push the issue or in what way. What will increase her fear and what will decrease it.

Ugh. So anyway, on Monday Cora starts pre-school three mornings a week. I think she will adjust fine, but nine hours a week is a lot more than she's used to being away from me, so she might get worn out. Or not. The week after that is sign-up for swim lessons starting in mid-September. Kids over 36 months do not have the parent in the pool. Cora's class would be:

Pike: A beginning class for children who have never been in the water or are fearful of water. Students require an IFD (Instructional Flotation Device--float belt, bar bell, or kick board) and/or assistance from the instructor at all times.

I don't know if I should go ahead and sign her up now, if I should wait for one of the sessions later in the fall (seems like you sign them up for one three-week session at a time, there are four sessions before T-giving) or even after Christmas. My three-year-old who can't swim is only going to turn into a four-year-old who can't swim, which isn't an improvement. I kind of feel like "Oh, let her get started on the pre-school year and see how that goes. It's all a lot to take in for a three-year-old." And then I think, "You're just procrastinating because you don't want to deal with this."

I also don't know if she will do better or worse with other kids (peer pressure) and better or worse with a new adult who's not me or her dad (and has a clean slate with her).

Private lessons are also an option.

I thought I would try to get her into the pool for family swim a few times before lessons start, but now I see I'm going to have to push her quite hard to get that to happen, and I'm not sure if that's for the best at this point or not. Push harder or back off more?

Any thoughts or experiences on this?

[SoonerTexan]

Yikes...I have no idea how to deal with the fear of water!

That being said when (I wont say if!) she is able to get past it, you might consider having her join a summer swim team for one year when she is older. Swimming classes are great, but in my siblings and the kids I nannied for, those that had been on a team for any amount of time were MUCH stronger in the water than those that had just done lessons.

[scrub-jay]

I taught swimming lessons (group and private) for roughly 7 years and I have a lot to say on this (this is kind of my "thing"). Let me start off with - what your daughter is feeling is very common for her age and it can be overcome. I cannot tell you exactly what will be the turning point for your daughter as each child is different and responds differently to the same stimuli. I would definitely get her in the water with you first before swimming lessons, and then try the group lessons out. If it is hindering her or the instructor is just not a good fit, pull her and do private lessons with an instructor that works well with her. It will take time, persistence and a ton of support from you, but your daughter will swim. There are so many questions I have about her personality and the nature of her fear and I'm sure I could help you come up with a game plan that will help her overcome her fear. I'll PM you my contact info because I just don't have time to type it all up right now (chasing my 15 month explorer around the house).

[SuzySunshine]

Listen to Crystal - she helped me a lot when I was having issues with A last year. The instructor, private or group, is HUGE! A's was AWFUL for kids who had any kind of fear. Have you met other moms yet? The reason I ask is that I found a private instructor I would have loved to use for A but it was to late to start her. She was a 60+ year old lady who is retired but teaches private lessons at one of the clubs in town, she was FABULOUS. She taught in the pool while it was open to the public so I got to see her first hand.

Has she ever worn the water wings? I tried A in a lifejacket type floatation and she hated it. Now that she is comfortable in the water wings she will do a lot more on her own, I'm still looking for that right person to teach her lessons though.

Good luck!

[Michele]

Kai was afraid of the water at first. He wouldnt even take a bath! Seriously would freak out for a bath...showering was fine.

For his swimming lessons he cried the first few days. (parent tot class). I would just hold him in my arms and say it's time to go in the pool now and walk in. He'd cling, cry and then kick to get up out of the water over my shoulder. I would try to redirect the kicking in fear to a purposeful thing and say "good kick kick kick" and walk around a bit. Lessons were 15 minutes long. Mostly just kicks and practicing putting face in the water blowing bubbles. (it was more of a baby class). Then he went in the wading pool for about 15 minutes to play with toys. The pool was *just* deep enough for him to have to get his face a little wet to pick up toys from the bottom. I thought it was a perfect blend of structure and free play for him. And after 4 days he wasn't crying anymore. He still had some reservations...those were gone after 8 days.

He's much easier to take to the pool than D. K stays by the steps, occasionally tried to swim to me but overall really pays attention to me and what he's doing. D just goes balls to the wall and often gets himself in over his head. Literally.

Crystal recommended the Warm Belly wetsuits and I loved them. The boys thought it was cool that they had their special swim suits and the suits give *just* enough buoyancy that their little legs don't have to fight quite so hard to keep them afloat. We don't use the wet suits for everyday swimming. Just lessons.

We have a very similar situation here! Jack is a few months younger than Cora I believe (he turned 3 in march). He has always been a water kid, loves the splash pad and will confidently go down slides at the water park all day, but has always sat and played on the side when it comes to being around an actual pool. We had him in group lessons last month and actually pulled him out after a few days because he got completely freaked out when they moved from the wading pool to the regular pool, which was 3 ft deep at the shallow end. They just got all the kids to climb in and hold onto the side but once Jack realized that his feet didn't touch the bottom that was it for him. He has always just clung on to me when we are in the deep water and won't try to kick etc even with me holding him.
I am torn between trying him in lessons at another pool which is designed for teaching little kids and is shallower (I think 2 or 2 1/2 feet so they can stand up), or just leaving it another year. We don't have a pool at home or anything so I am not too concerned about him learning for safety reasons. Until our recent move he really had not been away from me at all, everything we did was "mommy and me". Now he is also starting preschool this month (which I don't know how he will cope with), is going to the gym daycare, and is doing gymnastics without me in the room, so I am fearful of pushing him too much. I'm leaning towards leaving the swim lessons for now.
Anyway, I don't want to hijack but would also be very interested in what Crystal and others have to say!

[Pollyanna]

All of our children had varying degrees of fear of the water. For us the group classes were a disaster and pretty much a waste of money. We found an older woman like Cheri and it made all the difference for our oldest three. She used different techniques for all of them to get them swimming. With #3 she had us buy one of those suits that have the floats inside but can slowly be removed. By the end of the summer she had him to the point where he could wear a regular swim suit. Interestingly, #4 was scared to death of that particular teacher but she did really great with a college student. I would try to find a private instructor with lots of experience working with children afraid of the water. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!

[scrub-jay]

Okay, my dd is down for a nap, I have a few minutes. I could literally write a book on this...but I'll try to pop in repeatedly with advice when I have time. And if anyone wants a more personalized approach, PM me, I can help. I'm really passionate about swimming lessons, but the bills require me to work a "real job".

Okay, let's start with "mommy-and-me" classes: I believe these are essential. More often than not, the instructors of these classes do not know how to teach or advise, but I can give you the basics. The most important thing here is getting your child comfortable with the water. Your child will learn by example, so if you are trying to teach your child to go underwater or to get their face wet - YOU NEED TO DO IT FIRST! Children learn by example, they generally want to do what you do (like everything else), so if you want them to go under, your hair should not be dry. Skills to practice together: blowing bubbles, kicking, paddling arms (form does not matter at this stage), mostly getting comfortable. Work into jumping off of the side (you can hold their waist the entire time to start). Don't forget that everything is low key and fun - singing songs, making up games, etc. Just keep MODELING in mind...(this is often forgotten at swimming lessons).

Second - water discomfort. It is hard for kids to explain why they don't like the water, but sometimes it is a temperature issue. I really like the warm belly wetsuits because they keep kids a little warmer and a teeny bit buoyant (as Michele mentioned) http://www.warmbelly.com/. My daughter wears them in the water and it keeps her little lips from turning blue. Remember that evaporation is a cooling process so if skin is outside of the water, but is wet (like sitting on the step or whatnot), it is getting chilled. Indoor pools are not immune to this either, because well-meaning spectators will open doors to the outside in the summer because it gets humid inside - this causes a draft and makes the differential even more extreme for little kiddos. Watch out for blue lips and don't feel bad cutting a lesson short if your child is too cold, no one has fun when they are that cold.

I do not like water wings at all. They promote a poor hydrodynamic position if your child swallows water or gets into trouble face down... where a lifejacket would hold a child upright, water wings hold them arms-out, face submerged. When struggling, this position is hard to recover from. For water safety, teaching children to flip over to their back (and breathe) is key - water wings do not allow for this, but a lifejacket can. If you do use a floatation device, stick with life jackets.

J - How does your daughter do in the bath? Is her fear of getting wet at all, getting her face/eyes wet, or of the big big pool? Could it be a temperature issue, does she get cold easily?

I would probably start off with a mommy and me class where she can see you being comfortable in the water. Or if not an official class, then just getting in with her on your own. I like the classes because the pool will be relatively empty during the class and you won't have the rambunctious "marco-polo" games in the background. Make this decision based on how busy your local pool gets. On day 1, look her in the eye and tell her that today all we are going to do is sit on the side together and play with some pool toys and all she is expected to do is put her feet in the water with you at some point during the half hour, she doesn't even have to do it right away. You need to get a feel for her comfort level/fear. We're starting with extreme baby steps, she needs to know that she is safe in the water and that you will move at her speed. Too many instructors try to "tough-love" kids into getting into the water, but that only works for SOME children... if that is your daughter, we can move the next steps faster. Building trust around the water is really important though. When you are sitting on the side with your feet in together point out various things at the pool... "See that person with the red tube? That is the lifeguard, they are there to help people who might get in trouble in the water... or "How many ladders do you see going into the pool?" or "Why do you think it is important to never ever run on the pool deck?" Basically engaging her on pool rules, etc so that she is distracted that her feet are in the water. The next day, maybe sit on the step or tell her that after 10 minutes of sitting on the side you are going to get in together, slowly...but you will hold on to her the whole time. Then holding onto the side of pool beside you... The next step is to hold on to a noodle (arms slung over it) you holding the noodle and pulling her. Baby steps.

Practice all pool skills in the bathtub. Blowing bubbles is very important and if she is not comfortable putting her face in the water to blow bubbles, then get a big plastic bowl and have her blow bubbles into that while sitting in the bath. Practicing arm movements and letting her get her own face wet. If that is the trigger for the fear, I will tell parents to give the kids a special cup and tell them to pour the water on their face, very slowly... just so that a stream touches one cheek. It is baby steps here too. If a task is too hard, make it even more simple... okay.. pour water from the cup into the tub. Hopefully, I'm making sense.

I only use kick boards if the pool has small ones for small arms. Arms should be straight (or elbows ever-so-slightly bent), one on each side of the kick board. This can be a little bit wobbly, so I hold off until a child is a little more confident/stable. Noodles are great though. Put the noodle perpendicular to your child's body, so the arms are slung over it and you can hold onto the noodle and pull the child. You should be face-to-face with the child at this point and you can blow bubbles together and assess your child's comfort. The same with the barbell.

BIG - As I briefly mentioned before, back floating is a lifesaving skill. You can promote this with your child by holding their waist and putting their head on your shoulder. The trick to backfloating is getting the head all the way back. This is simple hydrodynamics based upon your center of gravity... male center of gravity is at the shoulders (or T-zone if your arms are out in a T position) while the female is generally at the hips. This generally holds true with children as well. This is why men have more difficulty back floating, their feet may sink a bit. But the head must be BACK, all the way back. You should keep talking to your child during this or counting to 3 or whatever. Don't worry if the legs pop up a bit, young kids are just exploring the new position, I am more concerned with the head position. When she gets comfortable with this, you can eventually move her off of your shoulder and have her right in front of you, with you still holding her waist. You want to move your eyes back a little bit so that she has to tilt her head back more to make eye contact with you. I always like to emphasize the back float as much as possible because it is what will save their life if they fall in a pool, etc. We will work in prone floating/swimming later.

To swim/float prone (on stomach), the most important thing to staying afloat is keeping head/face submerged (neutral) in the water. This is also simple hydrodynamics. If your head is straight up, looking forward, I guarantee that your feet and body will follow (just like on the back float). The position you put your head is where your body will follow -so if it is looking forward, out of the water, the body will follow to become vertical. You do not want to be vertical in the water, you want to be floating on the top (why do you think doggy paddlers struggle so much more than swimmers?) This is why instructors stress face-under so much. But this takes baby steps to get there.

I think I've given you all the brief overview, I can tailor each skill set to an individual child, so feel free to PM me. Trust and modeling are really important, I cannot stress this enough. If your child learns well with peer pressure, give group lessons a shot... or go to the lessons a few times and watch the instructors interacting with the students. You want to avoid the ones that are not as engaged with the children, engagement is important. And you can tell who has a knack for kids who are not comfortable in the water and those who do not. If you find a good instructor, private lessons are the best and fastest way to get your child comfortable because the instructor can tailor the lesson to them.

Let me know if you have any other questions.
-C

[poky]

I'm starting to wonder if part of it might be an issue with the smell of chlorine? or noise? If the apartment complex pool was outdoor and the Y pool is indoor (you didn't specify), that might explain why she doesn't even want to go in there. It still sounds like she does have an issue with water, but it may not be any worse than before, it may just be compounded by the smell and/or noise of an indoor pool?

[peggyfromwastate]

Haven't read all the responses, but we went through something very similar with dd1 when she was 3.5. She refused to get in the pool, cried on the steps, wouldn't go in with me holding her even, etc. She had been in the pool a lot for previous summers and even some mommy and me swim lessons. We waited a year for the next summer and tried again. She was completely ready at age 4.5.

Sounds like there are a lot of changes going on in your life now-- I would just wait on swimming and eventually try to get her comfortable with getting her face wet, blowing bubbles, etc in the bathtub.

I run a swimprogram for kids age 4-8 during the summer. Most kids don't learn to swim until they are about 6-7. There are exceptions. For kids with fear issues I would say just don't push it. The earlier lessons don't do a whole lot to help the kids with water adjustment IMHO. Especially in the case of kids with fear issues.



She will learn to swim and this fear of water will not last forever!! It's super common so the less attention thrown at it (at the fear) the less of a lasting impact.

[peggyfromwastate]

I just read crystals response--- great info crystal!!-- I wanted to throw out there that the SwimAmerica program (google USA swimming and SwimAmerica learn to swim) follows a good solid program for swim instruction (crystal are you familiar with them?). You might have better luck pursuing swim lessons with one of these swim clubs. I had no luck with county swim lessons or YMCA programs-- they were ok, but just ok. By the time my kids were through the program they could swim an ugly 25m of free and back, but had tons of form problems that the swim team coaches needed to work out later.

Anyway I know Cora isn't looking to join a competitive swim team yet, but I think that for swim lessons a competitive team could be a resource for finding good coaches/ private instructors.

Sorry for the YMCA fans out there? I love the YMCA but I just didn't have a great experience with YMCA swim programs. Ymmv.

[houseelf]

Crystal sounds like an amazing swim teacher (Uh, you're hired...when can you begin).

Like you, swimming is a mandatory skill because we spend too much time in the water. I will tell my laymommy's take on things. I will never do a group lesson again. Yes private lessons start at about $20 -30 for 30 minutes but your kid will improve dramatically each lesson. Group lessons never got us as far, even at an excellent fancy pants swim school in Minneapolis. Private lessons are the only way to go.

[ides]

Hmmm I'm wondering if its an age thing. O is three next month. Last summer we did mommy & me swim lessons & he had a blast. Loved the water. Now last week we went to a pool & he freaked. Clung to me for dear life & wouldn't touch the water. I was surprised.

[Auspicious]

Thank you so much, everyone, and especially Crystal for writing all that out. This is really helpful.

Based on reading all this, I think I definitely need to nix the group lessons for now, and my plan for this fall will be to take her to the pool myself, probably just once a week--see if I can, following the steps Crystal's laid out, get her less fearful of the pool and hopefully into the water. And practice more in the bathtub, too. You should write a book, Crystal--you're making a lot of sense and I feel like I have a starting plan now.

She will blow bubbles in the bathtub but doesn't like to put her eyes or both ears under (one ear is fine). She doesn't object to having water poured over her head. I think she's mostly afraid of the pool itself. Sandy is onto something regarding the new pool environment being intimidating to her--it's indoors, it's probably four times the size of the old one, you can't see below the surface very well from outside looking in the windows . . . But while it's big, it's usually not very chaotic or noisy, at least not on weekday mornings when we are there.

I'm really hoping to stay at the Y for now--they don't have SwimAmerica in SC but it looks like there is another swim school that uses the facilities of a local private school. I don't think we're to that point yet.

She'll also be required by Y rules to wear a life vest in the pool area, and I suspect if I can get her in the pool in a vest she might be shocked at how different it feels to be buoyant. She might be enticed by the noodles, too--flotation devices were not allowed at the apartment complex pool.

So that's my short-term plan, though a lot of what everyone said has given me an idea of what might be in store for the next steps after that, too. Kirsty, let me know what happens with Jack, because it sounds like we are in parallel situations right now.

Thanks again, everyone. I'll be back if we get hung up on any particular step in our progress.

[Vanquisher]

My ds used the private lessons company that you are probably considering. I liked them WAY better than the Y. The Y was chaotic. I loved the private lessons. They also offer semi private and small group. Its a lot more money, but you get so much more out of it IMO.


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