Desperate: Need help from veteran "single" moms

I never imagined that it would be this difficult. My husband had at-home call for the first 10 weeks of Charlotte's life and it was wonderful. We were almost like a "normal" family! Ha ha. Reality has now returned. He is now on trauma for the next *FIVE* months. I took a trip home for the first week of the new rotation and so I've only been at this one for a little over a week and I don't know how I will ever make it until mid-January. They have a new system where he is "more" at home for one week (yet still on 24-30hr. shifts with clinic 2 days per week) and the next week is @&*@ on earth. I am exhausted. Charlotte still wakes up every 3 hours at night. . .I'm tired after playing/taking care of/nursing/etc. with her for 2 days straight. To top it off, my husband has grand rounds coming up so all of his "waking" hours at home are consumed with prep work for the presentation.

Any tips on how to survive?

[mommax3]

Claudia,

I can certainly sympathize. You will get through this, though. Charlotte (what a nice name! ) will start sleeping more soon, I bet, and that will help. Until then, focus on just surviving. She is still very young and the way your life is now is not the way it will be forevermore. Don't get discouraged. Do whatever you can to minimize how awake you get when she gets up at night. Is she in your room? With my second baby, I would put him in the portacrib in our room on the nights when DH was on call so I didn't have to wake up completely when he woke up. If his diaper wasn't overflowing, I didn't change him in the night, either . Take advantage of any naps that Charlotte takes, and nap yourself. The only other advice I have is try to get out of the house at least once a day, even if it is only to walk around the block or around a grocery or dept. store. There have been days with my little ones when the sight of the sky fascinated me, because it had been so long since I had seen it!

Claudia, you will have to forgive me, but I have totally forgotten where you live/how long you have lived there and whether or not you have family/friends close by. If you do have some support near you, use it, but if you don't, you will still survive. Take it one day at a time and celebrate the little milestones, like getting to take a shower!

We are here for you.

Sally

Sally, you give such good advice it's hard to post following you!

Yes many of us have been there done that. I had my third baby a month into my husband's intern year so yes, I have a good idea of what single parenting is about. I remember telling him one night as we collapsed into bed that we must be the most sleep deprived people on earth - we certainly felt like we were. I couldn't even be mad at time for not being able to help out as he was just as big of a basket case as I was.

The good thing (is that possible?) was that for some reason it seemed to pass by quicker because my standard of living dropped drastically. I didn't feel like I had to have dinner on the table and usually since he was on call so often (or sleeping) I just didn't cook. I had no pressure to do anything unless I felt like it. Since we had just moved I didn't have friends to help out nor was family close by. But it helped us to say yes, we feel each other's pain because we did!

It's been said many times before but I just want to say again "this too shall pass" and one day, believe it or not, you might even think it was the good ole days - a time when you and your husband made it through a trying time and survived! Definitely worthy of a notch in the belt in my book.

[Amiens]

As someone else mentioned- get out at least once a day- even if it is a walk around the block. That is what kept me sane the first few months of Emma's life, plus I got my prepregnancy shape back pretty quick. Now that I have two, I am trying to get back into getting out. Granted I need to be easier on myself as Brigham is only 3 weeks old.

Nap when Charlotte naps. I have a hard time doing this, but I will take a quick 15 min snooze, even now when Brigham nurses- I can't do the entire time when both kids are down- I feel more tired than before.

Other things I did- I would go and have dinner with Matt at the hospital when he was on-call.

Also- it is ok to not play with the baby for a short period time, and it is actually good for them at least we have been told so by the ped. I would give Emma time underneath her play gym or bouncer seat (about 15 min), so I could grab a bite to eat or just have a moment to myself. '

What else? Oh, at about when Emma was 10 wks old I learned how to nurse her lying down, so if I was completely exhausted and needed a nap, I could nurse her and nap at the same time. I can't wait until Brigham is a little bigger, and it will be easier to nurse him lying down. Right now he is still too little, and it causes torture on my nipples. 8O (He's tongue tied, and he slips off and his gums start rubbing).

I pumped a supply of milk, so if I was too tired-- Matt would feed Emma for me.

I will have to think of more later.

"This too shall pass." It does get more fun and easier (at some point!).

Crystal