Would I be Out of My Mind???

[MrsK]

In a strange twist of fate, I've been asked to chair my moms' group. This is the same group in which I pissed off the then-chair about a year and a half ago because I didn't follow the group's protocal. At the time, I said that I would not be making any more offers to help. Since then, the jerk has vanished. She's a member but I've only been at an event with her once in the last year. And now I'm a SAHM. Would I be totally insane to take this on?

[moonlight]

Do it do it!! Sometimes is really fun to keep busy with this kind of stuff that you really care about. I can also say that I've always really appreciated the really organized mom group leaders at the groups we go to. Good luck!!

[Chrisada]

I think you'll enjoy it also! I'm on the Executive Board of my moms group and love it! You really get to know the other moms when you actually have an official position. And trust me, every moms club should be run by someone efficient and on top of it like yourself! The only caution I give is that sometimes you have to bite your tongue because you are representing all of the moms. I've definitely had to hold mine when dealing with a cray cray mom because of my position.

[samssugarmomma]

I think it sounds like fun. But then, I've never chaired a moms group. Or even participated in one. I can't wait to start once I am SAH though!

[MrsK]

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've been mulling it over for a couple days. I'm thinking that I most likely will not do it. . . then something happens and I reconsider.

Here's a little more background.

The group I'm in is a local chapter for a national group. I don't know anything about the national group, by laws, etc. Frankly, it seems like a lot of work and politics when all I want to do is have a few playdates. The local chapter has been around for decades and is usually run by a couple of co-chairs. Right now, there is one acting chair and no one wants to be chair. I'm one of the newer members and, until about 6 months ago, my involvement was limited because I was not a SAHM. I've made some friends in the group, but I feel like most of the other moms are only casual acquaintances. Since I'm relatively new in town and I'm the only Jewish mom in the group, I've felt like I'm sort of hovering on the edge of the group. Several of the people that I've been closest to in the group, have left because they either felt excluded, the group's activities were too expensive, or it just wasn't working for them. While on one hand, I feel like I've been invited to join the cool kids' table, on the other hand, I feel like I'm courting trouble. Also, if the more active members don't seem to care if the group fails for lack of leadership, why should I be the one to step up?

So, I enrolled my kids in Parents As Teachers. I've come across several former members of the moms' group there and I've met a few new moms. Generally, the classes are so busy that we don't get any mom-bonding time there aside from introducing ourselves in passing and learning the kids names, breaking up squabbles, and the like. It's more of an an atmosphere were the parents follow their kids closely and try to be uber-involved in parenting/teaching. The hovering really doesn't work for me so I try to just be near enough to keep my kid from biting someone and occassionally help him use the glue or whatever.

Several of the other moms from PAT mentioned some other moms groups that they prefer. I figured that since my present group may fold, I should apply for the other groups. I was accepted into one of the groups and posted a self-introduction on their message board last night. I got a couple responses from moms welcoming me to the group. As it turns out, one of the responses was from a super looney wackadoodle who is on a committee with me at temple. She's been openly hostile to our rabbi for no good reason and strikes me as an unstable brat. Last Sunday, I returned from a meeting and told my DH about her latest confrontation with the rabbi and concluded that I'm keeping away from her. Oh, and she's a co-coordinator for the new group. So that's got me back to wondering whether I'm better off sticking with my old group where I could be in charge of the looney bin rather than being just another inmate. But there are wackadoodle moms in all these groups, right? And who wants to run the looney bin?

I know that lots of you think that these moms' groups and activities are stupid. But, honestly, if I don't get my kids out of the house every day, they go nuts. I'm used to being a very busy person and apparently, that's rubbed off on my kids. BabyK goes absolutly crazy without at least one structured activity -- playing in the back yard with mommy is not sufficient -- and running errands with two babies is just miserable for all of us. And, since I'm not from around here, I don't work outside the home, and there are only a handful of children in our temple, my organic social opportunities are limited.

[diggitydot]

Which is worse? Being part of a group with a loony leader, or being the leader in a group of crazies?

[MrsK]

Or do I leave the loony moms to themselves and let my kids make me crazy?

[Meenah]

It could be just a whole lot of stress you don't need.

[GrayMatterWife]

Holy crap!!! Moms' groups have executive chairmen?!?!

I am so freaking clueless.

If you can stomach the crazies/craziness...

I think you'd be a really excellent choice. I don't know how much of a commitment it would be on terms of time, but of you can swing it, I would. Your organizational skills and professionals skills (including knowing how to negotiate!) would be very valuable, I imagine.

[SuzySunshine]

Or do I leave the loony moms to themselves and let my kids make me crazy?

Don't do this - you need the adult contact. I don't have a recommendation, I've been in both places and couldn't honestly tell you which is better.

[Pollyanna]

I know that lots of you think that these moms' groups and activities are stupid. But, honestly, if I don't get my kids out of the house every day, they go nuts. I'm used to being a very busy person and apparently, that's rubbed off on my kids. BabyK goes absolutly crazy without at least one structured activity -- playing in the back yard with mommy is not sufficient -- and running errands with two babies is just miserable for all of us. And, since I'm not from around here, I don't work outside the home, and there are only a handful of children in our temple, my organic social opportunities are limited.

Mom's groups can be a life line, not stupid at all. My recommendation is to stay with the crazy you know. The good thing about being in a leadership position in a moms group is that you get a chance to get closer to some women and typically the ones you get along with will be willing to step up and help. Another plus is that you won't be in that area for forever so once you finish up your term it will be easy to bow out if you so choose. I say, "go for it" and have a great time!!!

[Chrisada]

Holy crap!!! Moms' groups have executive chairmen?!?!

You'd be surprised at how much work goes into organizing a group of women and their children! There is a lot of behind the scenes work involved. I had no idea how much work was involved in me being the Membership Chair until I took the position.

[samssugarmomma]

I still think it could be fun. If you take over, maybe one of your goals could be to increase membership and as the leader, you could steer where you adverstise to draw in more like minded people.

Have you considered just coming up with activities to do with the kids on your own? I've been in and out of the work force in different capacities over the past 6 years - working full time to working 3, 2, and 1 day a week. I've never joined a moms group but I've always managed to keep myself and my kids occupied with art projects, going to the library or museums or zoo. For a while we had somewhat of a schedule - Monday was "field trip day" where we went somewhere fun (museum, zoo, park), Tuesday was cleaning day, Wednesday was story time day, Thursday was the grocery store, etc. Of course, it wasn't set in stone so if it was raining, the kids were sick, etc we could modify our plans. I've used some homeschooling blogs to get ideas for preschool circulum to do at home so that I feel like my kids are learning something. A lot of the blogs have packets that you can download and print so the prep work is pretty minimal.

That being said though, I don't have any friends......so maybe I should have joined a moms group!

[DCJenn]

After this PTA gig is up- I'm never managing another group of so-called adults again.

J.

[GrayMatterWife]

After this PTA gig is up- I'm never managing another group of so-called adults again.

J.

Given your profession, that sentiment is deeply alarming. I take it the PTA makes the addicts and medically/emotionally deeply needy people you serve professionally look like healthy adults?