Sharing Info about Health Online

[scarlett09]

I'm tiptoeing in here since I'm not a parent (yet), but I wanted to ascertain your thoughts on this subject. It's something I've been trying to wrap my head around for awhile.

I've recently noticed a phenomenon, on FB specifically, regarding how much parents share about their child's health and well being. No topic is off limits - poop, vomit, etc. While I understand the propensity to share (and comiserate) how your kiddos are doing, a lot of these posts are more about gathering advice/opinions from other parents (and sometimes non-parents). What I find is that there is a lot of misinformation being shared and then accepted for fact without consultation of a physician. I feel like sometimes these posts are worse than Dr. Google.

I can understand that people want to share their experiences in the hopes that it will help, but their words don't seem to be taken with a grain of salt by the poster or the recipient. The poster emphatically states that this is what happened with their child, so it must be how it happens with everyone. The recipient believes that because it happened with their friend/acquaintance's child, that all of the symptoms and nuances are applicable to their child. I don't think they seem to realize that how children experience issues vary greatly, even amongst siblings. I also think about the online presence of that child, even if they are too young to construct that presence for themselves. I wouldn't want to dig up years down the road that my parents posted on FB about my diaper rash and its details for a week straight, including pictures.

What do you all think? Is it alright to share information about the health and well being of your child online? To solicit advice and opinions from others and taking those opinions and ideas into consideration when making decisions about how to care for your child? Or is this something that you would prefer to keep more private, i.e. only sharing "baby isn't feeling well"? Or would you not share anything at all? Is the health and well being of your child something to be kept private or shared with the world?

[scarlett09]

Since I started this (and didn't want to make the original post into a novel ), I will share what thoughts DH and I have had about this subject thus far.

DH and I have begun to explore our feelings about sharing health information about our hypothetical children online. Our friends have begun to have children and we are seeing how much (or little) they share about their children's health online. Some people are extreme - soliciting opinions and chewing out anyone who doesn't match their philosophical approach to life, even though they asked for opinions. Others share very little, other than how cute their baby is, how big they are getting and a couple of pictures. I'm on FB a lot, as well as here, and I do share things about myself, DH and our life. DH knows this, and sees how other people share way too much, solicit opinions that are taken for fact, and all of the debating about a milk allergy in a baby (which is extremely rare, it's more like a milk sensitivity). He is adamant that I share nothing about our child's health online or with anyone until I have consulted him.

I, of course, balked at this blanket statement. I agreed that I could put healthy limits on how much is shared on FB, and that I wouldn't solicit diagnoses or opinions in that forum. I feel that being able to ask here is so very important to me. I might share health information here, as not everyone knows me, DH or our hypothetical children IRL. There is a degree of anomity (however you spell it) here that is easier to navigate than FB. I felt that asking here is important to me. I've learned more about having and raising children here than I have from all of my IRL experiences. While I might still ask DH or our real ped about an issue with our hypothetical children, I would come to you guys first for product recs, behavior issues and other troubleshooting. I also felt like I needed to be able to ask close friends about things, those who have recently had kiddos. I even ventured as far as to say I might want to chat with my stepmother and MIL about an issue. DH kind of got uncomfortable, and expressed concern that our parents might get all worried about the child for no reason. I told him that if I had a question or an issue, that I might not be able to get a hold of him or our real ped right away, so I needed to be able to access resources to provide me, as the mother of the child, with reassurance and support. I view consulting these types of resources as building a network of reassurance and support, from other people who are parents, and that I would not be consulting them for medical advice or to solicit opinions on why our child projectile vomits after they eat peas.

He conceded those points, but I don't feel like this battle is over. I understand his concern for protecting the online presence and health information of our hypothetical children, but I believe that this needs to be weighed with my need as a (future) mother (and most likely his as a future father) to have a support network of other parents who pick us up when we are down, cheer for us when things are fantastic, etc. It will be a fine line between the two, I believe.

[Phoebe]

I think it is up to the individual or family what gets posted on any social networking site. It doesn't bother me either way what people post. If people ask for recommendations or comments, I may post if I have something to contribute. I can't recall anyone asking for medical advice on FB that I have read. If they did, I would probably refer them to their physician. I have seen some grose pictures of people or body parts, not specifically children, after their surgeries. Some of them I would prefer not to see, but I just scroll past them. If someone has posted about an illness or problem with their child, in my experince it has been to give updates or to ask for thoughts and prayers.

[scrub-jay]

I generally share very little on FB, but more here because I find the advice here to be far more helpful than that I could find on FB. As a side note, dairy allergies in children under 3 are currently ~ 2.5% and increasing in the last decade, I'm not sure I'd call those rare. And I'm talking immune-response allergy...not mild upset tummy.

[SoonerTexan]

What if your Facebook friends are Doctor's Wives

Not sure how I feel about it, but I do get your point about misinformation. I can think of one example in particular the bugs the crap out of me.

[SuzySunshine]

I do ask a lot of questions here but I also ask on facebook sometimes. Not necessarily medical questions but a lot of parenting questions. I feel sometimes I get a better variety of answers there because I know I have friends from all walks of life. No offense to the group here but we all do agree on a lot.

[TigerLily]

I don't post a lot about A's health on facebook at all, or any other problems for that matter. Mostly because I don't want 500 people giving me their opinions when I could easily just ask my husband or you peeps and actually get an educated answer.
That being said, I'm also not bothered by people who do it either. Everyone is different with their facebooking and I think that the appropriateness of different posts depends a lot of who you are friends with. Some may only be friends with really close family and friends, and some people might be friends with every person who they have ever encountered! Also, just like in real life, some people are really comfortable sharing every detail of their lifes while some aren't. I also hope that people asking medical questions on facebook know that they should contact their doctor about anything serious! sheesh.
On another note, something that really gets on my nerves is people talking about how much they hate their doctors on facebook. And things like "don't they teech doctors to be on time to their appointments in medical school?" and..."why is is okay for my doctor to be 30 minutes late to my appointment, but if I'm more than 15 minutes late they won't see me?" now THAT gets on my nerves!

[ladymoreta]

I try to limit my sharing to things I wouldn't mind someone sharing about me. For example, "DS has strep throat. " is okay in my opinion. "DD has a yeast infection. " is not really something I'd post.

I also don't generally solicit advice on FB because a lot of my friends have a much different parenting philosophy than I do. I am too non-confrontational to tell them outright that I'm not going to take their advice. I won't say that I never ask questions, though. It's a great way to get a variety of answers, and you're likely to get suggestions you wouldn't have thought of on your own, so I think it's a nice resource to have as a mom, as long as you do your own research or check with your pediatrician on serious matters.

[scarlett09]

I'm really enjoying your replies so far! I agree with a lot of what you are saying and you are also giving me new ways in which to view the situation. Hence why I really, really like you all.

As a side note, dairy allergies in children under 3 are currently ~ 2.5% and increasing in the last decade, I'm not sure I'd call those rare. And I'm talking immune-response allergy...not mild upset tummy.

I definitely agree with you on this! I probably should have clarified a little bit further, as I was referring to a particular example from someone I know. They were all over FB when their kid wasn't even 3 months old, claiming he had a milk allergy because the formula upset his stomach. Everyone was backing them on that assertion, even though they did not have this verified by their pediatrician and they were using the wrong terminology. Milk sensitivies, which is apparently what the kid has, can be outgrown. Milk allergies are something far more complex and serious than a little gas and upset tummy. DH was pissed when he saw all of this. He also provided them with advice after the kid had an outbreak of eczema on his face which coincided with the first feeding of rice cereal. They took that advice to FB and completely misinterpreted/represented what DH said. They also claim that "they don't need doctors", which if you didn't need doctors, why did you come running to my husband for a second opinion? We were both very annoyed with them after this, and I'm thisclose to telling him not to give them second opinions anymore.

TigerLily, those people really aggravate me! I was engaging in a flu vax debate on FB and all of the people against it keep whining about how the doctors are making all of this money off pushing the flu vaccines. I'd better go check the crawl space to see where DH is hiding his share of that windfall, because I sure as hell haven't seen it.

[scrub-jay]

Ahh, gotcha! Interestingly enough, most childhood allergies (the real ones...diagnosed by physicians) are also outgrown, with the exception of peanut/treenut which is slightly more likely to stick around. There is a lot of misinformation regarding childhood allergies (no... it is not lactose intolerance... etc) and perhaps more misinformation with vaccinations. It is frustrating to an extreme, but with allergies - it is just a lack of awareness/knowledge, with the anti-vaccination movement, it is often based on incorrect misinformation. "Journal articles" that look real to the layperson (but are not reputable peer-reviewed journals) "educate" many individuals with incorrect and fraudulent information. However, that individual feels "well read on the topic"... but they are not. OR... you get the people who tell you "well, big pharma started the HIV epidemic..." and "you can't trust doctors because they are in bed with big pharma and they are trying to make more money" How do you argue with irrational conspiracy theorists? You don't, because ultimately it ends with them saying "well, they OBVIOUSLY have gotten to you!" UGH. I've learned the hard way to provide info to those who have real questions (how effective is the flu vax really? why is XYZ vaccination important? etc) and just leave the anti-vax preachers to themselves, way too frustrating.

[alison]

Sometimes you're just desperate. It goes beyond worrying about your kiddo's privacy and into the realm of wanting to get the word out about a specific parenting challenge you're facing.
I know I've posted about my daughter's feeding issues, and I still will pretty much talk to anyone about them who will listen!

[diggitydot]

Our kids are older and WAAAAAYYYY out of the "Aw, look at the cute little poopie!" stage. I don't share their health crap online. Mainly because they don't really have any, but also because I have easy access to qualified med peeps' brains if something out of my depth pops up. And I'm sure DD1 would be mortified since I'm friends with some of her friends on FB.

But, I also don't share a lot on FB, anyway. I mainly just silly crap that makes me giggle.

I have a few friends who solicit medical advice on FB, but they're mostly sane and don't dismiss actual science. They just don't know what the next step should be or if it's something worthy of an ER trip. One gal is a tad too histrionic for my tastes, but I've known her since almost birth and know that her heart is in the right place. It comes across as if she were using her kids issues as attention-seeking material in her posts, but she isn't behaving any differently or handling the situation in a manner that is out of character. She is just by nature an attention-seeker.

[HouseofWool]

One other thing that can factor into using an outlet like FB is that, historically speaking, humans raised their children in a large, multi-generational group, so you had easy access to your parent's generation, who presumably, had more experience than you. With our currently mobile society, it is really hard to cultivate a group of mom friends with whom you have the depth of experience that allows you to trust and ask about their expertise.

[ladymoreta]

That's a really good point, HouseofWool. There was a time, not that long ago, when asking your (step)mother or MIL would have been the obvious first choice, because they'd be with you every day. We really are expected to do a lot more of our child rearing alone now than most generations ever have.

[Thirteen]

"Hello, my name is Thirteen, and I post things about my child and overshare on Facebook."
"Hi, Thirteen!"

DH keeps me from going overboard, but I agree with Alison. Whether you are seeking advice, or a possible dx, it's nice to know you aren't alone in the parent-verse.