Cheating?

[PrincessFiona]

How should I handle this?

Andrew (grade 3) came home from school today talking wildly about being 'framed' for cheating on his spellling test. It took about 5 tries for him to get the story out and each time, the story changed a bit

He says that for the spelling tests, the kids take their folder out and place their folders over their answer sheets so that no one can see their answers. I had placed his sheet with the spelling words back in his folder last night and when he realized it, he pulled it out so that he wouldn't be accused of cheating.

What did he do with it? He put it on the floor below his desk, with the words visible One of the kids in class of course raised his hand in the middle of class and told the teacher that Andrew was cheating. As far as I could discern, there were no consequences (ie he didn't get a zero that i know of and there was no note sent home).

But...the story sounds a bit too...unbelievable to me. I told Andrew that I thought he was cheating 8O and I got angry and asked him why he would do that. I quizzed him last night and he knew all of his words without a problem...but why would he put the paper on the floor under his desk with the words facing up Why not IN his desk?

I told him I would call his teacher and ask on Monday and then he got upset and didn't want me to call

What would you think if this were your child? My daughter is now getting on my last nerve telling me that I am his mother and I'm supposed to believe him...and how can I be like this, blah, blah, blah..and my son is now sitting in his room by himself depressed...

I feel like doggy doo doo

kris

Re: Cheating?

Well, first of all from his account of things, it doesn't sound like he was framed so maybe you should explain that someone didn't "plant" the answers in front of him, he did that himself. Then I would let it go. Apparently, the teacher didn't think it was a big enough deal to alert you to it, he obviously knew his words, and I think he was just embarrassed about being ratted on and not that he was caught trying to cheat because I don't think he was. And even if he was I'm sure he's so embarrassed about it all now that he probably wouldn't dare try it again. He's fully aware now the negative consequences involved in cheating perhaps without even having done the deed.

My advice is to not beat this horse. Sometimes kids do unexplainable things with no negative ulterior motive but it gets them in trouble because it looks suspicious. They're still learning about consequences to their behaviors. And I think we as parents are very sensitive to our childrens' perceived misbehaviors because it might reflect on us as parents. Kris, you did not raise a cheater so go give the bunchkin a kiss and hug, will you?

[PrincessFiona]

Thanks for answering me, ThuVan...I felt terrible about how I overreacted to this situation, but I was just so shocked...and disappointed. Then I started feeling guilty: Am I putting him under pressure to be successful, blah, blah, blah. This is the first year that the kids get letter grades/percents and Andrew has brought this up on several occasions. Maybe he is concerned about being graded?

Last night, I pulled him aside and told him that if he 'said' that he wasn't cheating that I would stand by him and believe him...and he kind of got a guilty look on his face I told him we should drop it...and then as luck would have it, when we were at Pizza Hut, the kid that 'ratted him out' was there eating with his family. He got all upset again. I told him that I would be happy to talk to his teacher on Monday and straighten things out for him and I thought he would fall apart right there in the pizza hut begging me not to call...so I 'know' that he was thinking of cheating..He kept stressing to me that he never looked at the paper...maybe he was really afraid of not knowing the answer and put it there just in case....(which is of course still cheating). In any case, I don't imagine that this will happen again....he has sufficiently punished himself now and I really feel badly for him.....at the same time, maybe it's good that he suffered these consequences early?

I'm still just so surprised and well...disappointed....I just have to let it go.

kris

[SueC]

It sounds like his conscious will definitely keep him on the straight and narrow from here on out. I wouldn't worry about how you handled the situation Kris--there was no way for you to know what actually happened and as a parent you kind of walk a fine line between wanting to believe what your kids tell you and feeling naive if they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes. This of course from someone whose kids are 2 and 3--I think they are hard at this age but it sounds like school-aged kids bring on a whole other level of things to stress out about!

Big disclaimer....my child is nowhere near 8 yo.

I agree with ThuVan that you can drop this. Whether he cheated or not, or had the intention to or not, he got a pretty clear message that cheating is not ok with you. (As did Amanda!) Like ThuVan, I would guess that being "ratted on" was a little embarassing for him. And if he was contemplating cheating, I think sometimes kids that age need to test the waters on these things. If that was the case, now he knows where everyone stands on it!

[Meenah]

Kris,
I agree with everyone here. One thing I might consider is keeping his sister out of his business! Even if she is defending him, sometimes it is better to keep his stuff separate from hers. It is hard to give specific examples, but as the mother of two "older" kids and two "older" stepkids, this can be a problem too.
Luanne

[PrincessFiona]

Luanne,

Good POINT! Yipes...I have soooo much to learn!


kris