registering

[Cumberland]

Does anyone have any problems with registering for gifts with a new baby? I am being encouraged to do so, but have heard mixed opinions on the etiquette of it.

[mommax3]

I think it is fine and can be helpful for people who either don't have kids and are clueless about what to get, or live far from you and don't have any idea what you need. I have registered two times for two different babies and I don't think anyone was offended.

Sally

I can't remember if we registered for baby gifts. I think we did. Yes, we did. And I don't think anyone was offended. Some gifts, like the crib, were purchased by a family member and we never put it on the registry. But there are all sorts of things that are nice to have, not always a necessity, that you can get as a gift.
Anyway, I always appreciate it when people have a well-rounded registry (variety of prices and choices) so that I can buy them something I know they will like.

[SuzySunshine]

I think its perfectly fine with the first child because people are going to want to know what to get you for showers, and this way you get to pick out exactly what you want!

Babies R' Us and Target have been favorites of my friends with kids!

[SueC]

I think anymore it is fine etiquette-wise to register for baby gifts. We did with our first baby. Since we had a couple of baby showers it was really helpful so that we didn't end up with multiples of different items. I can also say that when buying a baby gift I'm relieved to have a list to shop from so that I buy something for the expectant parents that I really think they want/need.

[houseelf]

I, for one, love registries. I am relieved to know that I am not buying my friend her fifth high chair that is going to go straight back to the store. Not that I am Emily Post, but if I remember her advice correctly, it is inappropriate for the mother-to-be to mention the registry before being asked. A shower hostess may mention the guest of honors' preferences by word of mouth but probably shouldn't include a direct reference in the invitation. I believe for one of my showers, my girlfriend used the free invitations provided by Babies-R-Us which had a little blurb on the back of the card. I'm sure that this is an etiquette no-no, but our registry was a huge help to our family, friends, and us.

Now that I have given advice on that which I know little about , I have a question to ask you all? Is it o.k. to register for second babies? Showers? I'm just curious because I have had girlfriends who have opposing opinions on this topic.

Kelly

[SuzySunshine]

I don't think showers/registries are common for second + children. My mom had a fit when she found out my sister's friends were having a shower for one of their friends' 2nd child. So I'm guessing that tradition says it isn't done, my best friend just had her second child and there weren't any showers thrown for her - she seemed to think that was normal.

[mommax3]

I think if you look this one up in an etiquette book, it will say showers are for first children only, but I had a shower for my second child because I had all new friends (our first child was born in Indiana, our second in Texas) and they wanted to give me one. It was much appreciated!!!
I also think that when a mom knows ahead of time that her second child is a different sex than her first, a shower is definitely in order, but that is only my opinion.

If somebody is offended by a shower for a second baby, they don't have to attend, right????

I do draw the line at mothers, mothers-in-law, sisters, or sisters-in-law hosting showers. I will go, (and have gone to some that were this way) but I don't think it is "proper", somehow.

Sally

[SueC]

I think a shower for a second baby is ok under certain circumstances, for example the ones Sally mentioned or if it has been 5 years or so since the first baby. When I was pregnant with my second baby, my sister really wanted to throw me a shower (which is against etiquette rules anyway!) but I refused--having a second daughter only 20 months after the first baby did not seem like grounds for another baby shower. We had way too many girl clothes and baby items at that point anyway!

[SuzySunshine]

With a new gender and a new location, those seem like good reasons. And you're right about parents and sisters throwing showers - that is in poor taste in almost all situations.

[Auspicious]

Wait, who's not supposed to throw showers? Relatives, or just close relatives? I've never been anything but a guest in a shower situation, so I've never heard of this one. I know the maid of honor is supposed to throw the bridal shower but who is supposed to throw the baby shower?

[SuzySunshine]

My etiquette understanding is that sisters and moms and not supposed to throw showers because it just looks bad, don't ask me why. My husband's aunt threw me a wedding shower and I think that was fine, my sisters were BMs but not the Maid of Honor but they did co-host a shower with my MOH. Of course these days anything goes, so who knows!

[mommax3]

I think friends are supposed to throw the baby shower ---- but that can be a difficulty, as transient as our society is these days. That is why I don't have any trouble going to a baby shower, even if it is thrown by a relative, because the sad fact is that some moms-to-be don't have friends where they are that have the time or inclination to throw a shower because they may have moved due to their husband's job, or their own, and don't have close friends yet.

To me, the shower is about welcoming a new little life to the world and honoring the mom who is going to be going through a lot of changes and doing a lot of hard work in the months to come. So I really don't care WHO throws the shower......but if at all possible, it should not be a relative because then it looks like the family is in some way soliciting gifts.

Probably the whole thing is archaic and beside the point anyway......I mean, if it is about the baby, what would be wrong with the expectant couple throwing the shower for themselves? People (grown) have birthday parties for themselves all the time and no one says a word.

Just echoing what I have always heard.....

Sally

[SuzySunshine]

Sally,
That is a good point - in this day and age I think etiquette is only a big deal in the south where it is still ingrained in everyone. I probably committed a major ettiquete faux pas when I printed my reception placecards on a computer instead of having them hand done - oh well, no one noticed and had a great time! People worry too much about what other people are going to think!

I agree about showers for second babies....just depends.
A friend had a shower for her second pregnancy -- twin girls. Since she had a son prior to that, having twin girls was almost like starting over in terms of baby stuff and clothing needs.
And the whole mom/sister throwing a shower deal....I think it seems weird because the mom or sister is soliciting gifts on behalf of their relative. How is that different from a friend? I don't know.....probably dates back to some dowry-related issue.