Tips for making it through the day?

[HouseofWool]

I know that you fully embrace AP, but I am wondering if the boys will sleep better if they are in their own room. In your shoes, I would start by rewarding them for going to bed in their own bed(s) and falling asleep there. Even if they don't make it through the night, it is a starting point.

Sophie is 3, and goes down fine, but is typically up at least once during the night. (this child might never sleep well, sigh)

I'm pretty sure Michele has mentioned recently that all her kids nap. Maybe not at the same time though?
I have one who is up at 6:30am (but naps and goes to bed at 7) and one who fights bedtime and usually is still up at 9pm. And he doesn't nap. So I have almost 15 hours of kid time too!

My strategy for the pre dinner crazies - if I have got organized with dinner prep earlier in the day - we go for a walk or play in the yard at this time. Getting outside seems to prevent meltdowns here. OR I let him play computer games, but I'm pretty strict about when he can have screen time so he is always willing to sit still for it!

[Ladybug]

How much time are they getting outside each day? I remember a pediatrician saying that there is a statistical correlation between outdoor time and fresh air and sleep. The natural light regulates their internal sleep clock.

I've also found that shutting down visual stimuli (electronics and TV) helps turn them off in the evenings. I'm speaking in ideals and I certainly don't always follow this. But the visual stimulation and artificial lights do over stimulate their brains at a time that you're trying to calm them down. I like the suggestion to completely prep dinner ahead of time and get outside to run the last of their sillies out.

[Michele]

They nap but I don't feel like its enough. I feel like they are tired. I know I am!

Daegan is 5.5y. He normally takes a 45-75min nap. Kai is 3y and used to take a 2-3 hour nap but it's shortened to about 1.5h. Phedre is 18 months and her naps are still sporadic. She gets an hour nap in the morning, a few hours after wake up and then another hour in the afternoon with the boys. If I'm wearing her, the afternoon nap is 2 h. But if she's lying alone it's only an hour. The afternoon nap is usually around 12. At school they nap from 1-3p. At home I think they get tired earlier.

I start the boys in their own beds at bedtime. I lie down with everyone, read two books, nurse Phedre and listen to Mazzy Star (weaned them off the bedtime Gaga last year). It doesn't matter if I start at 6 or 7, they don't fall asleep until 8. Dinner is usually at 5:30. Once asleep, if I'm not also asleep, I leave all three in the pushed together twin beds and I finish the clean up after the day. If Phedre hasn't woken up by 9, then I gather her up and bring her to my bed and we sleep. By midnight, Daegan has usually climbed into my bed and then by 3am Kai has wandered in too. When they come in they maneuver themselves so they are touching me (when they fall asleep they have to be touching me as well). Then everyone is up by 6am. But often it's as early as 5am. I of course wake up every time a kid comes in and usually twice to feed Phedre. They aren't long wake ups bc I'm so exhausted, but it still interrupts us.

I've been making sure they get outside running around time every day. I've been trying to get new activity ideas, but I need it to be OK for Phe yet still engage D. Coloring is good for D and P but K is in the dump/destruction stage. They don't do separate activities. It ends up in a fight.

I'll check out that book. I have considered night weaning Phedre, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that challenge right now.

I've mentioned it to a few members, but I'll add it here too. The boys have nightmares. D dreamed I was shot protecting him and his siblings. And then he had to find them a safe place to hide and cry. This was just he other night. Kai can't tell me what he dreams. But they both cry and call out in their sleep and thrash and fight occasionally.

[Michele]

And we haven't made a big announcement yet or anything, but Russ doesn't live in the house anymore. I'm not ready to talk about it beyond that though. He moved out 3 months ago.

[HouseofWool]

Honestly? If P is sleeping nicely with the boys, let her, catch a few zzz's while you can and she might start the night weaning process sooner if you aren't right there with her. I would also start to working on not laying with them until they are asleep. Cuddle for a bit until they are sleepy, but leave before they are asleep.

It sounds like they have all gotten used to having you there to comfort them throughout the night and haven't learned (or have lost) self-soothing mechanisms. It will be an awful time while you work on fixing these habits.

Would your mom be willing to come help during the day for a few days so that you have some help while you are zombie like?

[Ladybug]

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. It's just a difficult time of day. Have you considered a mother's helper a few evenings? An extra pair of hands goes a long ways and you don't have a spouse coming home during the hours. I have a helper on one evening and it makes such a huge difference. Sometimes I leave her to clean the kitchen, I bath kids quickly and then shuttle them down to her for stories/games while I clean upstairs, catch my breath and/or shower. Any neighborhood HS kids that you can hire for cheaps to help twice a week?

[Pollyanna]

I agree that it sounds like you are doing everything you can at this point. It's clear the boys still need you at night and with their nightmares walking them back to their rooms would likely make things worse. Have you asked your pediatrician about their sleep patterns? I worry that if D still needs a nap at almost 6 the transition to school will be tough. Is he in kinder now? The thing about first grade is that there are no naps, and no rest periods. First grade is really a big push for kids, learning new skills and adjusting to big kid school. I don't really have a solution but I would just keep that in the back of your mind in terms of starting to wean him off of a nap time. You are going through a really hard time, hang in there

[spotty_dog]

One of the neat things about the book I mentioned is that it doesn't offer a one size solution. It points out that different kids have different personalities and different natural sleep patterns. Like, some are flexible and will sleep 12 hours no matter when they go down; others are strict with their internal schedule and will always get up at the same time in the morning even if you keep them up all night. That sort of thing. And she gives ideas for helping a child identify the things that calm and soothe him or her, so that they have a toolbox of options. I don't seem to recall it recommending or having a procedure for night weaning -- I read it while DD was still night nursing, and wouldn't have been interested, but the whole gist of the book is working with your family's needs but implementing some basic concepts like consistency and manipulating the circadian rhythm.

DS also had a vivid recurring nightmare recently, his was some combination of Super Why and deadly mudflows? My mom had him draw her a picture so that he could describe it to her, and it seemed to help him get rid of that particular bad dream. He comes into our bed between midnight and 7:15 depending on whether he has a bad dream. (DD has always slept best in her own bed, and sleeps straight through, amazingly! Except for some recent bouts with constipation...)

[Michele]

I've read No Cry Sleep Solution....but it was a few years ago. But it was more geared towards young ones...like Phedre's age and younger....but I'll check through it again.

As for kinder....the kindergartens here do not nap. Daegan is in a pre-k program right now that still has nap time. I held him back this year bc of all the moving we did the past two years and because he hasn't ever been in any schooling type situation...the last "daycare" was a home sitter. He's also just a week over the cut off....I wanted him to be the bigger older kid, instead of the smaller younger one. I think it was a good choice....especially since he can still nap.

Outside play: they go outside twice a day at the daycare/preschool. I usually let them run around with the neighbor kids after we get home/before dinner. Sometimes we have park playdates.

The big screen times in our house are right at wake up and after dinner. The morning one is because I am still in zombie mode with everyone waking up...and I need to get breakfasts/lunches going. After dinner, I was using the screen time to have time to clean up a bit after dinner. Maybe I'll try to change that to a quiet activity or really regulate what they watch. I love Kipper! And I use that after bath sometimes to wind them down if I'm not wanting to engage them.

I had a sitter, and I'm sure she'd still come by and help me out...but at $15 an hour, she's just too expensive. Maybe the neighbor girl will show some interest.

I'll look into some busy bag type stuff. See if I can find a few that would be good fits for my age spread.

[ladymoreta]

Walks have saved my sanity on many occasions. I agree that end of day couple of hours is brutal! The activity bags also sound like fun.

If I'm really needing a break and we can't walk due to the weather, I'll put DS in his high chair and have him color. I like that because he's contained, so I don't have to worry about him running off or coloring on the walls. It doesn't get out any energy, but sometimes when he's really wound up, some forced down time does better than physical activity. I usually phrase it as "Let's color a picture for Nanny!" (or whoever), and when he's done, we fold it up and put it in the envelope immediately. If the weather's not too bad, I let him walk out to the mailbox with me.

[MrsK]

If you find me on pinterest, I've. Pinned dozens of busybag links. Some can be modified for different ages. For instance, lacing cards. P may do better just pushing pipe cleaners through holes while d can probably sew pieces together.

[MrsK]

Another busy activity K1 likes is playing with a very shallow bowl of water and a clean sponge. I don't give him enough water to make a mess and he ends up with clean hands for dinner.

[Finding Equanimity]

Someone else suggested the shallow bowl of water and sponge activity to me, and it kept my distractable daughter's attention for over 15 minutes! We used 2 bowls- one with a small amount of water and one with nothing, and she had to transfer the water to the empty bowl. It was great.

[Michele]

If I just have one or two to occupy, the water sounds great! All three? Not unless I want a water fight/splash fest.

I'll check your pins MrsK. I also started following Emily Kate of SecondStoryWindow. I think she's a med spouse. But there are some good ideas on her site too.