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Like most SAHMs, I really REALLY struggle with feeling "significant" or "important" or "worthy of the air I breathe". Because society as a whole thinks I have thrown away my college degree for one thing (nevermind the job market). Because when I tell people I "stay at home" or I "don't work" or I "am just a Mom" I get a blank stare or sometimes open hostility.
Anyway, SAHM for all ages and stages, from infancy thru teen, is brutally hard. I am finding myself busy in the middle of the night (sick kids and diabetes checks on DS), busy early mornings (sleeping in on weekends??? Ha, not happening... games to go to, swim practices, meets, sick kids, etc), chaotic meal times (a la carte so people actually eat, only serving carrots and celery because those are the ONLY veggies that are acceptable), impossible homework, and then the Late Night Talking Teen. She wakes up at about 3 pm, and by 9 pm when I'm like a wrung out dishrag, she wants to "talk". And she's full of energy and I'm have to suck it up and listen.
So...
SAHM Ah Ha Moment...
My DD the Teen has started "seeing" a boy. He lives about 3/4 mile away (freaking out!!) and he seems like a nice kid. This is really a first for us-- any of her other "boyfriends" have been isolated from the family-- we met the boys, but they usually steered WAY clear of our house. Our chaos, noise, and just... in-you-faceness was too much for them!!
This boy comes from a large family (5 kids, he's the second oldest, has 3 younger brothers), and his parents (mom and dad still together-- wow that is unusual for our area) work a lot. At one point they had 2 au pairs!! 2!!! Why 2? I don't know. I guess the kids were tough to handle as little kids. Now that the youngest is I think in 3rd grade, they don't have an au pair, but the parents still work a lot.
So this boy has been hanging out at our house. And he's even stayed for dinner twice!! That is so strange for me.
One thing as a SAHM that I have done is to keep the dinner time together. Dh is rarely there for dinner. But the kids and I have a routine, and that's dinner. It might happen at 5 to accomodate an early game or practice, and it might be pancakes at 9 pm bc we are getting home from a late game or practice. But there it is.
Clearly this boy doesn't usually get family dinners. Like most of Kate's friends, they are really unsure what to do-- it's literally like most of them don't have family dinners (most of them don't actually-- except at holidays). They kind of stand there, don't know what to do, don't know how to take food (and with 5 kids, you TAKE your food or else it will be GONE)...
Anyway, it struck me the other day after this boy stayed for dinner again that I was glad I was a SAHM for the teen aspect of things. If I had a job like Dh's, there wouldn't be a family dinner. There'd be a lot of convenience food in the fridge. And a lot of TV and video games. Or there would be a nanny or au pair heating up something for the kids (we have friends who do this-- their au pair does the cooking and cleaning)... Since I am at home and able to at least keep the family dinner ritual going, we are able to invite in other kids into this ritual sometimes. And Kate's friends have all been shellshocked at first, but then by the second dinner they love it!!
I thought it was sad that this boy didn't really have a family dinner at his house. Two of his younger brothers were playing outside in our neighborhood--- they "followed him over here" and they were playing with other neighborhood kids (it's all actually one big neighborhood-- all the kids in our large block go to the same school so it's not quite as strange as it sounds.) But I was thinking it was sad that these boys were out just roaming the streets at the dinner hour (6 pm)... But I know that WOULD be my kids if I had any kind of normal professional "Job"...
Anyway, this is a ramble... With not much purpose.
It's just a struggle to be a SAHM, but it has it's moments.
I think the thing that has shocked me (and scared me, and disheartened me) is to realize that my kids need me MORE as a SAHM as they get older. I used to think it was all about the babies---- and babies are labor intensive to be sure---- but the older kids.... are more complex and truly at this point I think it would take a team of professionals to cater to these spoiled little kids like yours truly!!!!
Anyway, SAHM for all ages and stages, from infancy thru teen, is brutally hard. I am finding myself busy in the middle of the night (sick kids and diabetes checks on DS), busy early mornings (sleeping in on weekends??? Ha, not happening... games to go to, swim practices, meets, sick kids, etc), chaotic meal times (a la carte so people actually eat, only serving carrots and celery because those are the ONLY veggies that are acceptable), impossible homework, and then the Late Night Talking Teen. She wakes up at about 3 pm, and by 9 pm when I'm like a wrung out dishrag, she wants to "talk". And she's full of energy and I'm have to suck it up and listen.
So...
SAHM Ah Ha Moment...
My DD the Teen has started "seeing" a boy. He lives about 3/4 mile away (freaking out!!) and he seems like a nice kid. This is really a first for us-- any of her other "boyfriends" have been isolated from the family-- we met the boys, but they usually steered WAY clear of our house. Our chaos, noise, and just... in-you-faceness was too much for them!!
This boy comes from a large family (5 kids, he's the second oldest, has 3 younger brothers), and his parents (mom and dad still together-- wow that is unusual for our area) work a lot. At one point they had 2 au pairs!! 2!!! Why 2? I don't know. I guess the kids were tough to handle as little kids. Now that the youngest is I think in 3rd grade, they don't have an au pair, but the parents still work a lot.
So this boy has been hanging out at our house. And he's even stayed for dinner twice!! That is so strange for me.
One thing as a SAHM that I have done is to keep the dinner time together. Dh is rarely there for dinner. But the kids and I have a routine, and that's dinner. It might happen at 5 to accomodate an early game or practice, and it might be pancakes at 9 pm bc we are getting home from a late game or practice. But there it is.
Clearly this boy doesn't usually get family dinners. Like most of Kate's friends, they are really unsure what to do-- it's literally like most of them don't have family dinners (most of them don't actually-- except at holidays). They kind of stand there, don't know what to do, don't know how to take food (and with 5 kids, you TAKE your food or else it will be GONE)...
Anyway, it struck me the other day after this boy stayed for dinner again that I was glad I was a SAHM for the teen aspect of things. If I had a job like Dh's, there wouldn't be a family dinner. There'd be a lot of convenience food in the fridge. And a lot of TV and video games. Or there would be a nanny or au pair heating up something for the kids (we have friends who do this-- their au pair does the cooking and cleaning)... Since I am at home and able to at least keep the family dinner ritual going, we are able to invite in other kids into this ritual sometimes. And Kate's friends have all been shellshocked at first, but then by the second dinner they love it!!
I thought it was sad that this boy didn't really have a family dinner at his house. Two of his younger brothers were playing outside in our neighborhood--- they "followed him over here" and they were playing with other neighborhood kids (it's all actually one big neighborhood-- all the kids in our large block go to the same school so it's not quite as strange as it sounds.) But I was thinking it was sad that these boys were out just roaming the streets at the dinner hour (6 pm)... But I know that WOULD be my kids if I had any kind of normal professional "Job"...
Anyway, this is a ramble... With not much purpose.
It's just a struggle to be a SAHM, but it has it's moments.
I think the thing that has shocked me (and scared me, and disheartened me) is to realize that my kids need me MORE as a SAHM as they get older. I used to think it was all about the babies---- and babies are labor intensive to be sure---- but the older kids.... are more complex and truly at this point I think it would take a team of professionals to cater to these spoiled little kids like yours truly!!!!
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