Adoption ??!!!

[DCJenn]

OK, I KNOW that with 300 plus members, I/we cannot be the only person/couple who is going through the adoption process.

(for those of you who may remember- we had decided to send in the adoption application- but then didn't and now have)

So- come on lurkers- I know you're out there.

Of course, no offense to those who aren't- it's just a whole 'nother process that of course, we really can't compare until the kids get here. I may not get stretch marks, but my theoretical child could be in some love-starved orphanage as I type. Scary...

So- anyone? anyone?

Jenn

[mommax3]

Okay,

Obviously, I haven't gone through the process, but I do have some questions.....

Are you pursuing a domestic or international adoption? Where are you in the process? I know you talked about sending in paperwork....is that to a particular agency? Have you had a homestudy?

I am very interested in anything you feel like sharing. My niece is adopted and I have looked into it myself....both Travis and I are interested in exploring it further in a couple of years.....

Sally

[DCJenn]

Here is where we are in the process-

The application ($300) is in and the home study is in the process of being scheduled ($1200) which is not easy given our collective schedule.

We decided to go for international adoption and what sealed the deal for us was 1) Seeing the ads for domestic adoptions- I felt like I was a used car saleman selling us. It just didn't feel right to me. 2) The foster to adopt programs are great and I do have some guilt about not going that route- however a co-worker of Rick's did that in San Antonio and the mother of the baby decided she wanted her back and they had to go to court to keep her. The thought of having to give up a child like that scares the bejeezuz out of me and 3) Many, many of the kids that are available through the 'regular' services have very severe special needs. Now I know there are no guarantees that we would either have a child or adopt a child without a disability- but having spent my entire life working with and advocating for people with developmental disabilities and mental retardation, I want to NOT do it at home if I can possibly avoid it. (I am no saint, after all!) Of course, life being a crap shoot, if we adopted a child that ended up having a developmental disability- then we'd deal with it like every other family does. I expect developmental delays of course!

We're going with an agency here in DC that specializes in international adoptions. They were written up in the Washintonian Magazine and got good reviews elsewhere as well.

So -that's the scoop!

Jenn

[mommax3]

I am VERY excited for you! What countries could your child come from? How is Rick doing with all this? Please keep us posted about each step.....this is, in effect, a "pregnancy" for you guys, and I would love to hear whatever details you are comfortable sharing.

Sally

[Auspicious]

I am VERY excited for you! What countries could your child come from? How is Rick doing with all this? Please keep us posted about each step.....this is, in effect, a "pregnancy" for you guys, and I would love to hear whatever details you are comfortable sharing.

Sally

Ditto. I am also very interested in hearing all this.

Jenn,
We haven't adopted but have two sets of friends who are currently going through the process -- one couple adopting a young girl (6-12m, I think) from China, another adopting a brother and sister (5 and 3 yo) from Sierra Leone.
While I knew that adoption was a lengthy process, I really had no idea what it was like until our friends started to pursue it. I agree with Sally completely, adoption is really it's own birthing process. Our friends (especially the ones adopting from Africa) have experienced unbelievable highs and lows and I admire their tenacity and resolve. Our friends adopting from China have a more "normal" path to take as there are so many adoptions through China and the Chinese government has it pretty well defined. Still, there are all sorts of fascinating aspects like the home visits, parenting classes, classes around culture. Wow!

Like Sally and Julie, I would love to hear your story, too. How exciting!

[SueC]

We didn't either, but I have two very good friends who have adopted. One friend adopted a bi-racial baby from Pittsburgh. They basically have had him since he was born and it has worked out fantastic. As sad as it seems, I believe that the fact that the baby was of mixed race made it easier to adopt a baby from the US, and the process took them less than a year. My other friend adopted a baby from Mexico. I think it cost her more money to do it that way, but she is of a non-traditional family (she is gay) and she was pretty confident she would have trouble adopting a baby from the states. He was a couple of months old when she brought him home. I think another reason she adopted internationally was she was also worried a biological mom would change her mind, so I guess there would be less chance of that happening with them being so far away. Also, she was able to be matched with a baby much quicker I think by doing an international adoption (her adoption took less than a year as well.) Good luck Jennifer! It is amazing to think there might be some baby in utero somewhere just waiting for you!!!

[Meenah]

I am so happy for you. This will be an exciting and emotional time for you. Best wishes, and know we are for you .
Luanne

[Phoebe]

Congratulations on your decision and starting this process. I don't have any experience with adoption, I think it is wonderful. Keep us posted on everything!

Good luck

Jennifer

[DCJenn]

Well, the experience so far is mo' money, mo' money, mo' money.

Luckily, it's not that big a deal for us but jeez, I don't know how people who don't have relatively decent jobs do it.

So, in addition to the $1500 from last week, this week we had $1000 for dossier preparation, $800 for post placement follow-up (required by the Russian Gov't) $100 for both of us to be fingerprinted by the INS, even though we both have fingerprints on file with the FBI because of our respective professions, and $460 to file a preplacement application with the INS, which FYI really is a part of the Department of Homeland Security. Plus, I had to FedEX Rick's birth certificate to California to get Apostilled which means extra double secret notarized by the Cal. Sec of State (as far as I can tell) and I have to go to Annapolis to get the Apostilles for my birth certificate, my divorce decree and our marriage certificate. ($20 for Cal, $5 each for MD)

But, the up side is that we have our first "Home Study" visit scheduled for next week. (Rick will be post call after a Q3 then Q2 weekend. I'm sure he'll be extra charming. Can we say stop at Starbucks for a double espresso?)

So, other than writing a whole lot of checks to kill a whole lot of trees, I'm still pretty excited!

Jenn

Wow, that's a lot of leg work! I'm sure it will be worth it. I meant to tell you that two different people I work with in DC both adopted little girls from the same orphanage in China. They are both very, very happy. Best of luck to you.

[Cumberland]

What does Apostilled mean? Sounds like something from my catechism classes way back...

Good luck, and keep us posted, i really enjoy hearing the progress.

[DCJenn]

Seriously, as far as I can tell, an Apostille is like extra double secret probabtion notary. It serves as verification of the authenticity of the document for countries that signed the Hague Convention after WWII. No lie.

Leslie and Brian had to get their birth certificates and his divorce decree apostilled before they could get married in Italy. So, at least I knew what it was, from their experience!

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

Holy Cow, Jenn....I'm soooo excited for you both! Have you had the home study yet? This is such great news. I can't wait to hear about the process or to see the first pictures when you bring your little one home!

I'm so happy for you!

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

Congratulations Jenn! This is a really exciting time for you! Are you trying to adopt one baby? I haven't adopted anyone yet, but my husband completed a stepfather adoption of my oldest daughter. We had a home study done as a first step to this process (but out in Washington home studies cost about $300-$500-- ours was $350). The home study was really no big deal at all. The lady was very nice, and just sat in our kitchen and talked with us for about 1 hour, and then she went home and wrote a report (might I add that it was chock full of typos which really freaked me out, because this was a "legal" document! It was seriously the worse thing I had read that was associated with a professional! But the thoughts in it were nice and it got the job done...)

During the home study, she didn't ask anything too personal, she didn't look into our bank accounts but asked if we had any savings ( ). At that time we had $3K in the bank, and she was impressed ( ). (Of course all that money and then some went to medical school applications and interview trips.) Anyway, I was nervous about the home study before it happened, but once it got started it all went smoothly. That turned out to be the smoothest part of that adoption process!

I do know a couple who adopted some kids from Russia. They origianally were going to adopt a young pair of brother and sister (I believe the kids were 3 and 5, something like that). Then, they came to find out that these kids had 2 other siblings (they were older- I believe something like 8 and 10). The mother could not afford to feed the children anymore and was desperate to get them placed somewhere better, so I believe she split them into pairs to try to get them adopted out with more success. The end of the story is that the couple I know went out and adopted all 4 kids! The kids knew no English, and were homesick and shocked by the culture. The couple was in their 40s and just in constant shock as to how different life with 4 kids was! But what a blessing the adoption has been for all parties! It's really been great, but from their accounts, it was very expensive in the beginning. I understand that adoptions from Russia are really expensive.

Anyway, I think you and your husband are HEROES for doing this! What a true blessing and I wish you all the best!