Mother-In-Law

My mother-in-law has recently told me that my almost 3 year old is bad and has no discipline. My sister-in-law (with a 4 month old) has said the same thing. My husband is a surgery resident in his 6th year and I have raised these two children basically on my own for the past 5 and a half years.

Our oldest child is in an accelerated class and is very curious. She was a handful, but she has matured into a well mannered child.

The second child is a powderkeg. She is the total opposite. The things I did to discipline the first one, does not work on this one. Now my husband will have more time to help me at home and I don't know how to include him into our group of three.

My husband supports me totally on the fact that his mother and sister were out of line. He is now beginning to think that our parenting skills could use some improvement. I agree. How do you take two girls, who have had their mother be the primary disciplinarian, listen to and obey their father when he disciplines them.

My husband and I have had similar problems regarding discipline once he went from being in cognito to having more family time. He didn't want to discipline because he didn't want the kids to think the only time he was home, he had to be the disciplinarian. But I pointed out to him that it wasn't fair to me that I was the sole one to keep them in line. That makes me the 'bad' parent all the time! So he agreed that he just can't sit back and leave it all to me. And he also realized that just because you discipline your kids, you still love them and they you.

But I think what's also important is that you and your husband are a united front at all times. That way the children don't go to the other parent after being yelled at. If your husband tells one child to do something and that child goes crying to you, you have to back up your DH. So no matter who disciplines, the kids understand that mom and dad are equal in dishing out grief.

I'm so sorry to reply here but for whatever reason (Kris - help me?!?) this is the only forum that will take my posts. I noticed that you mentioned you are going to Guam in July! What branch of the military are you guys? My husband is also in general surgery and has to fulfill his AF time starting this summer. We just turned in our assignment requests the other week. How did you end up with Guam?

Sorry that I can't help with your problem here. I will say that your MIL was completely out of line, though. Is she always so uhm, direct?

[mommax3]

When my husband was finishing his OB/GYN residency 2 1/2 years ago, I was worried about how we would integrate him back into the family, and especially back into the "chain of command" after 4 years of me handling everything. At that point, we had 2 boys, aged 6 and 3, and were a couple of months away from having another boy.

What worked for us was that the Air Force gave us an assignment that forced us to spend tons of time together as a family, because there isn't much to do in this town! Boring, yes, but we have learned how to function semi-normally as a family again, and the boys (all three!) totally look at their Dad as an authority figure.

If you end up in Guam, you all will have time together as well. After six years of a surgery residency, you are definitely due for it! Your DH may work a lot, but it will feel like a vacation compared to residency....at least that is how it was/is for us. And your MIL will be far, far away! It will be a bonding time for all of you. Keep us posted! I would have never picked the place where we ended up, (and I still count the days until we get out of here!) but I have to admit it has been good for our family to be here.

Sally

[SueC]

I agree the MIL was out of line, and I think it's great that your husband recognizes that. As far as the discipline thing, I agree with Thu Van that you guys should try to have a united front in front of the kids--I don't always agree with whatever my husband has decided to put his foot down on, but I generally back him up in front of the kids. I guess if he is totally out of the loop, maybe you guys need to sit down (without the kids) and come up with some ground rules, or you can fill him in on what you've already established and what your consequences are. In our case, we follow the same rules, but our consequences are different. The girls know daddy is quicker to spank then I am and I have to admit, they do respond a little faster to him than they do to me. Good luck! I know it's hard to suddenly have your spouse around when they've been kind of absent in the past. Not counting this month, my husband has been around a lot more in the last several months as well and it did take some adjsting!

Mother in Law2

Yes, the MIL is always that direct. I think that we all need a break from our relatives.

My husband is in the Navy and was told that they will fill the overseas positions first and the ones overseas that were open were Guam and Okinawa. More likely than not, that is where we will be. I know that there is always the chance of going somewhere else, but I think we will pretty much be in the pacific. We should hear something in January or February.

I am really looking forward to going to the Pacific. I hope to be able to do some traveling in that part of the world. I hope that the hours of a General Surgeon in the Navy is much better than a General Surgery resident. After 6 years of this, we need some vacation time!