Who do you go to when the kids are sick

[SueC]

I'm curious how the rest of you guys handle it when the kids get sick. My dh and I disagree on whether or not I should call him when I am worried about one of the kids' health. For example, today our daughter woke up with a slight fever. That I can handle--I kept her home and pushed fluids. This evening, however, she woke up from a late afternoon nap burning up! I checked her temp and it was 104.4. The poor little thing was just listless, she hadn't drank much all day, and only had one wet diaper the whole day so I panicked. I called my husband and he got upset with me. He'd rather I call the pediatrician becuase he "doesn't want to be the kid's doctor". I understand the not wanting to be their doctor sort of thing, but it would be nice to at least get to have a conversation with him about it first, so I can determine whether or not it warrants a trip to urgent care, paging our ped. (he gave us his pager number so I can get ahold of him directly). I'm assuming regular couples (where one spouse isn't a doctor or nurse) actually turn to each other when they are wondering about their kids health and I don't see why just because my spouse is a doctor I should have to field all of this stuff myself. It's not like we don't have do enough "single-parenting" with the regular day to day stuff. I guess in the future I should just call the pediatrician, but in moments of stress it would sure be nice to discuss what is going on with their own father! Does anyone else have this problem?

I guess I do call DH when our daughter is sick....but I don't think it is in lieu of calling or going to the doctor. I agree with you that it is nice to just talk to the other parent about it! You don't want to be the hovering, over-protective parent but it's also concerning to see your little ones sick and decide what to do. Especially if you are weighing a visit to urgent care, which probably means taking both kids, and exposing them to god knows what is floating around the dr office or urgent care. You don't want to go if you don't have to.
One exception for being the dr replacement is that I like him to look at Bryn's ears to save us a trip to the dr's office (if he will be home in a reasonable timeframe). If her ears are blocked with wax he doesn't make much effort and I take her in. Otherwise, if he checks and they are clear, he saved us a trip!

With as nasty as the flu has been here, I don't blame you for being concerned at all! Hope she is feeling better soon.

My Dh is just the opposite. He would rather view himself as the Primary physician for the girls, much to my dismay. He thinks I am bothering their Pediatrician if I call or take them in for viral illnesses or ear infections. He's like, "what do you think I do all day? I see this stuff in the ER all day, here take this script for Zithromax to Kroger and just get it filled." Sometimes I could just wring his neck, but he has saved us from have to call or go to emergency rooms and clinics on more than one weekend.

[houseelf]

We have to be on fire, hemorraging blood, in the ICU before DH will think that we merit attention....He is like "shake it off". I think that this is an unfortunate byproduct of having to take so many patients off of life support. I have learned to bypass him and use my own judgment...it saves frustration.

Kelly

[SueC]

Kelly, I need to dig up your "you are not God, your family needs you, etc." quote--I keep needing to use it!

[mommax3]

I run stuff by my husband and get him to make appts. for me if he thinks they are warranted because getting an appt. in the military system is a pain in the ass and I will bypass the "system" any time I can. I think I would probably check with him as a co-parent, even if I didn't need his help to get the appt., but I know there are some times that I would just have to go ahead and make the call.....on his surgery days, for example, or if I page him and he doesn't call back within 30 minutes, I know he is getting slammed at work or is in a tough situation with a patient on L&D.

Maybe you should emphasize you aren't looking for a professional opinion, just a "daddy" opinion. None of our spouses are used to being approached about medical issues as laypeople, so it is probably hard for them to separate their professional and personal lives in that area. Travis will rarely consent to look at the kids' ears because he isn't confident about doing it, (our boys have never been prone to ear infections, so it hasn't been a big issue around here) but he is usually willing to look at throats, take temps, etc., as well as help me make the call about staying home from school or going in to the peds clinic. This wasn't true for him while he was a resident, though, and I noticed a big difference once he was no longer in training. He had a lot more energy for the "extras" like parenting (!) which sounds horrible, but that is how it was for us.

Hope everyone is healthy at your house soon, Sue!

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Comment from my husband "I'm not a pediatrician"

That probably tells you everything that you need to know. He absolutely refuses to treat or even LOOK AT the kids (or me usually ...unless I become really neurotic about it and won't stop pestering him). He says that he's not a pediatrician but that he also can't be objective when it comes to the kids.

Case in point...when Andrew was 3 he fell off of our bed and broke his arm. Thomas just stood there and stared while I told him to go and get ice. "Ice? Ice?" he yelled at me..and stood exactly where he was. I had to practically throw him down the stairs to the freezer...he just panicked with his son being hurt. When Alex was born and was in the NICU for 3 days he couldn't even go IN. He didn't want me to tell him anything that the doctor said because he truly could not handle it. Once everything was fine he came up and brought the kids to see him...but until then I was on my own with it.

Now....if you have an MI or a septic knee and you are not a family member then you're fine...he's top notch....he really is. He just can't separate himself emotionally from family members and I respect that he doesn't try to do what he isn't comfortable with......though it can be annoying.

Great question, Sue! Let me just say that my DH IS a pediatrician and this issue has come up several times. I like to think that having a pediatrician in the house is an advantage but NOOOO, I still have to trapse my kidlets across town to the pediatrician for everything.

Once when my son was almost two he got a stomach virus and was vomiting and had diarrhea for several days. I figured if it was serious, DH would do something about it. But no, nothing. Finally on the 4th day I notice the poor thing was a little too glassy-eyed and called the pediatrician, NOT husband who was at work. I took him in only to be told if I had waited any longer he would've had to be hospitalized for dehydration. So I'm thinking to myself, darn dratted good-for-nothing husband! I had to put my son on a strict fluid replenishing regimen immediately. WHen DH got home I told him what happened and he says, "Well, I could've told you that!" 8O Well, why the heck didn't he?

Also our youngest has eczema on his foot that is chronic for at least a year now. It gets especially worse in winter. Last week, I see an ad on TV about a new cream for eczema and asked DH about it hoping he would write a prescription. He just says, "Yea, you should try that." So I end up lugging my son to the pediatrician who gave me the prescription for it in addition to an antibacterial because he noticed the area was a little infected. 8O I'm thinking, why couldn't my husband do this instead of making me sit in a waiting room with a dozen flu stricken children?

So finally I ask him that night if there was some unwritten code where you're not supposed to treat your own family and he says it's construed as unethical. Apparently he was given the impression (in med school?) that treating your own can lead to problems due to shortsightedness and bias. Evidently a pediatrician treated his baby for recurring ear infections so aggressively the child ended up deaf in that ear. I don't know - I just don't get it.

Thu Van

By the way, I'll probably be a "guest" for awhile since I can't log in since getting a new computer a couple of weeks ago.

[Phoebe]

I always call my DH when I feel something is wrong with one of our kids. I would still do it if he were in another profession because I am talking to him as their father and my sounding board. I also feel better getting the feedback from him as a pediatrician. I have driven to the hospital or had my DH bring home his ostescope more than once to look in Avery's ears. He has called in antibiotics a couple times when we were out of town, just to be safe. He is pretty protective of our girls so he checks out anything that could be wrong. He has gone to 90% of the well-child checks for both kids.

However, I usually end up calling the pediatrician for the last word because Ron is not their doctor and he would hate to be responsible for something going wrong. Most of the time he thinks I overreact though. Now if I asked him a question about myself? Completely different story!

Jennifer