Is this a slap in the face?

[PrincessFiona]

OK....the teacher christmas gift thing is swiftly approaching again...and now I'm starting to feel paranoid. This year, Amanda is making the gifts for her teachers....at home, we made Snowman chair covers for our kitchen table chairs...each child personalized their and they are really neat. She wants to do this...we met with her teacher from last year yesterday (she is tutoring Amanda in Math) and she had a gift for Amanda. I told her that her gift would come next week because we were making it and she looked more than puzzled/perplexed...dare I say a bit disappointed??? I felt really stupid after that.

Do you think this is a slap in the face to teachers? I've heard some comments about homemade gifts perhaps not being very appropriate...but would a teacher really prefer a #1 teacher mug bought at wal-mart?

I bought gifts for 2 of Alex's 3 preschool teachers...the third one is a college student assistant and she got the shaft. The gifts and gift bags for those 2 teachers cost me $23 with tax. They were only $7 gifts...but with the bags, the tissue paper and tax....good grief...I can't be spending $10 on every teacher....then there is the issue of neighbors, our friends, etc....I'm starting to feel a bit scroogy now.

Someone help me put the HO back into my -- liday.

kris

kris

[SuzySunshine]

I have a freind who is a 5th grade teacher and another who is a preschool teacher, they both like the homemade gifts just as much if not more than the bought ones. While teachers struggle and look forward to the gift certificates, etc. that people buy them, they're more likely to remember their kids and their gifts if they're homemade.

[SueC]

I don't really know much about what kinds of gifts teachers are hoping to get, but your daughter's gift sounds cute. I know what you mean about feeling kind of scroodgey about the gift thing--I needed to buy for the girls teachers at preschool and mother's day out, they each have about 4 teachers so in all that would have been 8 gifts. Even if I spent $10 on each one, that is a lot of money, so I ended up taking a fruit basket in. The director thought it was really nice, and it only cost me $50 so I think I came out ahead since I didn't have to do packaging or cards. For extended family I bought a bunch of chocolates at World Market and ended up spending $50 or so and then another $70 to mail it all! I might have to re-think things a little more next year becuase I was trying to be economical and I still ended up spending a lot of money!!!

[PrincessFiona]

I'm just feeling funny about it now because of the look on her face...and then I remembered something Nellie had told me about a comment that someone had made this year regarding xmas.

The thing is, these classrooms all have teachers and an assistant teachers, etc..... it's hard to draw the line isn't it Sue? I appreciate and honor what the teachers do and I want to give them a token....I felt terrible yesterday because I didn't realize that it was Alex's last day of preschool before the holidays. We were walking in and all of these people were carrying gifts...I finally asked a parent and they told me it was the last day and the gifts were for the teachers. Alex was upset and said "where are my presents for the teachers"...so I ran like a crazy woman to TJMAXX...my all time favorite store (hint, hint ThuVan). Then I brought Alex the gifts and let him give them to him. Instead of feeling jolly I felt...bahumbugy about it.

To me, the idea of making a homemade ornament or something is very appealing. It has the personal touch and isn't as expensive. To top it off, when there is a pressure to buy gifts it just isn't the same.

bahumbug

[mommax3]

This is why I bake my presents, if I have time, which isn't always the case. I can't afford to buy for everyone and if I try, I end up feeling resentful. Most people like to eat, so I figure I have that going for me. It really is the gesture that counts.....I'm sure there are teachers out there who have lost sight of that, but that is their problem, not mine.

I also like it when some parent takes charge and collects money from all parents who choose to participate in order to get a gift card or something for the teacher. No one contacted me about doing that this year, though, and I didn't have it in me to be the one to organize it.

Refuse to let other people steal your holiday spirit, Kris!

Sally

Kris -- This is an update on my class gift buying adventure.

Just an update for everyone else -- I am the room parent for my daughter's classroom and I decided, albeit late, to organize a class Chanukah gift. I put a note in each parent's box suggesting they contribute $5 (or whatever they wanted) for the gift. I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to buy more than they wanted or can afford. One parent also happens to be a classroom helper in another classroom. Well, she called me and was nearly irate that I would suggest such a small gift....that it was a slap in the face to the teacher and assistant....and that I would be better off not doing anything at all! Well, I was really upset by this and feeling like a jerk. I never said that people couldn't give more or do a supplemental gift....
I ended up talking to a few other parents about it, and they thought my suggestion was FINE. In fact, they thought her suggestion of $20 was too high (she had quickly informed me that $20 wasn't even a tank of gas, gasp). The other parents I talked to about it also pointed out that a lot of people have more than one child...and classrooms usually have more than one teacher -- things can get expensive fast!!
The average contribution from each parent/family was $10 -- $5 for each teacher. I think that is plenty. I was able to give the teacher and her assistant a $50 gift certificate to the mall -- the gift certificate is good everywhere, including restaurants and the movie theaters so they should be able to find something they like.

The whole thing sort of left a bad taste in my mouth, though.

Kris -- I think that what you gave is fine. A friend of mine is a first grade teacher and she appreciates the gifts and the thought that goes into them. But, she doesn't expect anything and doesn't hold it against the families who don't give her anything (a thought for me since we never gave presents to our teachers as kids!). Homemade gifts take a level of time and effort that you don't find in a store bought gift and I think it is a sweet gesture. (Not that store bought gifts are bad, though!). I say don't worry about it!

Here is an update:
One of the other moms in the class just called and said she was there when they opened their gifts and they LOVED it and were so appreciative!

[PrincessFiona]

Nellie,

Holy Cow..can you imagine the gift certificates that they would have gotten if the contribution had been $20 A $50 gift certificate is MORE than generous....I would have thought a $20 would have been ok

kris

Kris -- keep in mind this was from the whole class. Well, not everyone participated but she has a big class because most kids don't go every day of the week so the total number of kids is high.
But yes, if all 20 kids parents put in $20....that would have been a $200 gift certificate for each teacher which really does seem like a lot. 8O

Which is part of the reason that I thought her criticism was so ridiculous....

[houseelf]

Nellie & Kris,

I know that I am the self-professed grinch of the board, but I think that both of you have done MORE than enough. Truly, the recipient probably wouldn't want the gift if s/he knew that it was a financial strain on the giver. Gift giving is a gesture of love, not affluence. Most families just can't spend all this money even though they would like to.

TRUE confession: my parents NEVER bought presents for my school teachers or activity teachers. It sort of embarrassed me when the teacher opened up presents from everyone else except for a few of us. Then again, my parents didn't exchange with each other or their parents. Certainly there were far poorer families than us, but money was tight in our household and spending $20 per teacher absolutely was out of the question. In her defense, mom did send fresh roses from her garden every spring, wrote thank you notes, and took precious time of from work to help host school parties for which she brought in a lot of the snacks which she stayed up late into the previous night making.

Therapy breakthrough moment: Maybe this is where I gained my vision of a small scale holiday and why I shudder thinking about how families get so far behind financially because of distorted financial expectations of Christmas.

Anyway, that is my .02. I *hope* that this doesn't offend the teachers on the boards, because I HONESTLY believe that you all are way underpaid. I advocate a tax increase for better compensation. Nonetheless, I, for one, HATE receiving a gift from someone when I know that they can't afford it. I secretly used to spit chips when Sean's brother, a single father of three, would purchase 2 $50 gift cards for us each Christmas. I knew how bad that gift hurt and we just didn't need it. Thankfully, we no longer exchange gifts opting for a siblings dinner out together.

So yes, I am a grinch and my issues (once again) runneth over. I hope this post isn't too controversial because I know that there are culturally imbued social expectations above and beyond my own personal experience which I probably fail to maintain. But I will continue to fight this one because it just doesn't feel right to me.

Kelly

[Phoebe]

I am new at this gift giving thing, since this is my first year. I can't remember what we did as kids. I agree there is an issue on how much to spend and what to give. I like the whole idea of making gifts for teachers. I asked my friend who is a teacher what she liked to get so I could get some ideas for PTO teachers. She said, "Not a mug". Then she went on to say how she liked getting ornaments and to make sure to write the child's name on the bottom because she enjoyed looking at them every year when she decorated her christmas tree and remembering the student.

I ran out of time on the gift buying. I intended to get a gift certificate to Blockbuster or something, but opted for an ornament and some fudge for both teachers. Kris, I think you gifts sound great. Twenty-bucks for each teacher?

Jennifer

The $20 was per child so it would be $10 per teacher. I think that when the gift is pooled, that turns out to be a lot. The average I collected was $10 per child or $5 per teacher which still resulted in (I think) a really nice gift.
$10 per teacher can get to be a lot when you have a few kids who have a few teachers each! (Which apparently didn't occur to or matter to the woman harassing me about this).

Kelly -- I was in the same boat at you. We never gave gifts to our teachers and I remember feeling sort of awkward when I saw other kids give gifts to the teachers. Part of this was because we did more scaled down versions of holidays -- like you, that is probably why it's harder for me to understand spending lots and lots of $$$ on Christmas gifts. I don't mind that so much as I would rather have a more scaled down celebration giftwise. re: the school involvement stuff...unfortunately, time and money weren't really the issue and my mom didn't do the other things you mentioned, either. But that is a whole 'nuther thing....

[Meenah]

I am soooo glad my kids are in college!!! After elementary school it all goes away. I usually gave a small gift, ornament, etc. As a child we did not give gifts to our teachers (I had 5 brothers & sisters). I too have a problem with all of the excess this time of year.
Luanne

[BonBon]

My family was poor growing up - my lovely dad was frequently out of a job so it was up to my mom to support us. I never gave my teachers a gift - and no one else in the class did either. ??? I had no clue it was such a common practice.

I don't like excess either. I enjoy buying gifts for people, but I start to get ornery when it feels like an obligation. And it seems like the gift list is ever-expanding. I've suggested drawing names - that way we can buy one very nice present for one person. Didn't fly. I'm definitely going to suggest it again once we have a few kids.

Nellie - that classroom helper needs a wakeup call. Geez. Christmas isn't supposed to send people to the poorhouse.

This thread makes me feel scrooge-y too.

I've suggested drawing names - that way we can buy one very nice present for one person. Didn't fly. I'm definitely going to suggest it again once we have a few kids.

Depending on how many kids are in the family, you could try this....my parents told both sides of the family that they were going to give gifts just to kids and not the adults. My mom's side of the family decided to do that across the board. My dad's family still wanted to exchange gifts between adults so just my parents opted out. So we gave gifts to the kids but not adults and they didn't give gifts to my parents (but still gave gifts to my brother and me). I think my dad's side was a little ticked at first but everyone just dealt with it and within a year or two it was fine.