My overly sensitive child

[SueC]

My husband and I don't know what to do with our oldest child--she just turned 4 and has always been a very sensitive child. Anymore, if we even use a stern voice with her she drops her little head to the ground and her eyes well up with tears and she walks out of the room. Although she has always been more sensitive than her sister (who could care less if she is being disciplined), this is a definite change in her behavior in the last few weeks. I've explained to her several times that we still love her even if she has done something to get into trouble. She is generally a compliant child and I rarely have to punish her, but occasionally I have to correct something that she is doing. Then she starts crying and I end up consoling her. The only thing that has really been different in our household is that my husband was in the ICU during December so we didn't see much of him. It is possible that she was either stressed about that or responding to my stress from basically being a single parent last month. If that's the case, then maybe this month she will kind of go back to normal. I'm wondering whether I could be doing anything different to handle the situation, though. I'm trying to be more patient and to pay more attention to the tone of voice I use with her. I'm not sure though when she does walk away crying if I should be going after her to console her or I should just let her go. I don't want to raise a drama queen but its hard to see her looking so sad!

Sue, I don't know....our daughter sometimes reacts that way but not consistently....usually she is tired or something.
But when we are having behavior type issues like this with her, sometimes it is helpful to talk about it at a neutral time. Sometime during the day when you two are alone, she isn't tired or hungry, etc.
Good luck! That sounds hard.

Wow...that sounds exactly like what we are going through here with Drew! He is going to be four on Wednesday, and for about the last month, when he has done something and we raise our voices he immediately starts to cry. I am HOPING that this is a stage and that it will be over soon!!

[Meenah]

In my humble opinion resist the urge to go after her and console her, this may terach her to cry to get her way. Trust me, whatever behavior she learns to use to get her way (what works for her) she will use throughout her life. If I remember this is the age that they really learn to manipulate!!!! Good luck.
Luanne

[PrincessFiona]

Sue, Alex is 4 1/2 and he went through the same thing earlier this year. Now he is only like that when he gets tired.

I would also add her to resist the urge to place blame on yourself or the 'stresses' that you may be going through. I really think that a lot of this is developmental. They are reaching an age where they are making connections between behavior and consequences and are capable of feeling badly about hurting someone else or doing something 'bad'.

Alex tends to confuse being angry about/disliking a certain behavior with being angry at/disliking him. If I scold him for something (ie grabbing the baby or throwing his toys he will say that he is a 'bad boy' (and I have NEVER called him a bad boy, btw). I just tell him that he is not bad, that I love him no matter what, but that the behavior is still unacceptable.

Doe it help to know we're all in this together I hear it gets better in oh, about 20 more years!!!

kris

[SueC]

Thanks guys--I'm glad to know that I am not the only one who has dealt with this. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it is a phase that will pass. So far, we haven't given in to her when she becomes all tearful so I guess for now I'll keep reassuring her that she is still loved when she does something wrong and leave it at that. I'm going to try not to coddle her too much so it doesn't become a manipulative behavior. I do believe that these sweet little children are willing to pull out all the stops at times to get their way. It will be interesting to see what she does when she goes to spend the weekend with my parents in a few weeks, it'll break their hearts if she pulls that on them!

[peggyfromwastate]

I wouldn't worry about grandparents. They'll probably give her what she wants before she has a chance to get dramatic!

Anyway, I am reading with rapt attention to all the wise posts! I have one sensitive being approaching 3 (my son) and so I'm sure we'll be going through this with him! I love the advice about talking about it at a neutral time, though!