Babysitters

[MrsK]

So, I'm new to the whole routine of hiring a high school aged babysitter and I'm totally out of touch. So far, I've had 4 different high school aged girls (17 or 18) recommended to me as babysitters. The girls are all very nice and, as far as I can tell, they come from nice families. I feel comfortable with the sources that recommended them.

First, what should I be asking them when they come by to meet/interview? I've been mostly chatting with them to get a feel for whether they are nice girls, where they come from, etc. I get their contact information, full names, etc. I ask about their schedules, experience and expected pay (Is it strange that all the girls say that they are typically paid "whatever people want to pay them" and don't have an expected rate? Should I just tell them that the job pays $X/hr.) I watch their interactions with my children and tell them a bit about the boys' routines, my expectations for sitters. It's very informal.

Second, and I want feedback from parents of teenaged babysitters here too, how much interaction, if any, should I expect to have with the girls' parents. Seems that each of these girls have their own cell phones and cars and they control their own schedules. They never mention curfews or asking their parents' permission or even suggest that their parents would like to speak with me or know who I am. When I ask them if their parents would want to talk to me, they giggle and say no. Am I a total dinosaur? I'd want to know where my daughter was, who she was meeting, and when she'd return home at the very least. I'm even more concerned for teenaged babysitters who are contacting me via care.com. (FYI: I may be more paranoid about this than other people. The day before my high school graduation, a Junior commit suicide. It later came to light that she'd been having an affair with the high school band teacher for whose children she babysat. I get queasy about adults having unsupervised communications with teen girls.)

Third, if one of them comes to babysit, should I have the boys fed/bathed before the sitter comes (which would mean starting the evening later). How specific should I be about house rules and expectations for the sitters like "no guests while babysitting" or what snacks the sitters can eat from our kitchen?

Fourth, the girls are enthusiastic when they are interviewing but then "unavailable" when I try to schedule actual babysitting. Are they really unavailable or am I putting them off somehow? Should I stop asking them to sit if they are unavailable 2+ times. I'm like a clueless teenaged boy trying to communicate with and read these girls. I'm having to text or e-mail the girls to schedule. They don't call; they text to landline if they don't have my cell phone number. WTF? Really, I feel like such an old lady.

Gosh, it was so much easier when I was a teen and I babysat for my parents' friends and my mom could just run interference if I wasn't interested in a job (or a boy). What's the etiquette.

[migirl]

Babysitters

I don't know what the etiquette is, but the sitters we've had all prefer to text and I don't interact with their parents at all.

The last one we had was the first time she'd ever been here and it didn't even occur to me to interview her. She lives a few streets over and ran a neighborhood summer camp that my boys attended a few years so we were sort of familiar with each other, but now I'm feeling like I was too laid-back about the whole thing!

The ones we've had have also told me they usually charge $X/hr, and I usually just give minimal instructions about bedtime (ballpark bedtime time, eat whatever you want in the kitchen (they never do), etc) but my boys are a little older and can get themselves ready for bed.

[SoonerTexan]

I usually went with what the parents paid me and my parents usually had minimal interaction, though wanted more info if it was someone they weren't familiar with.

How far in advance are you asking them to sit? Sometimes I feel my teenage sister has a busier schedule than I do with just school, sports, and church activities, which is saying something right now. You may need to ask a few weeks in advance, especially for weekends. And honestly, I turned a few down because watching the next door boys to earn $10 for an hour or so with little notice wasn't worth killing whatever plans I had, even if it was just homework.

Just be up front about what you expect. It's easier that way. You probably don't need to go over it every time, but it's nice to have expectations laid out. You'd be surprised how often I had to ask about bedtimes, etc.

[Pollyanna]

I'm a pita because I seriously trust no one with our kiddos. Even our older kiddos who have lots of experience with children miss things that could be dangerous. I would never have a sitter bath my kiddos, especially a teen. They just can't anticipate falls, walking away for a moment, etc. I'd just skip a bath that night (but we have never been a daily bath family).
If the girls are not calling back because they are put off by your expectations then they aren't the girls for you. These are your children so your sitters must follow your lead. If you want to talk to the parents then tell the girls. I would want the parents to also understand my expectations (and a girl that giggles about you being in touch with their parents would never pass mustar from me, but remember I'm a pita about this). The texting thing is just reality. But I would tell the girls that they are not to be using their phone while they are watching the boys, you really will have to stipulate this. And if you don't text this is a good time to start because it's really the number one form of communication for those 30 and under. But, with that said, if you want to communicate via phone or email then the person you want will happily comply as you are the boss and you are putting them in charge of your most precious treasures.
You might also contact the local colleges to see if they have a job board or put in a word at your Synagogue (which you've likely already done).

ETA: when I was about 6 a sitter almost burned down our entire house. Nice girl, oldest of 8 kids, senior in high school. She started a grease fire making popcorn (using hot oil on an electric stove) but did not know that if you put it out with water it spreads. So I am too keenly aware of what can happen with a young sitter unable to anticipate dangerous situations. Any sitter we've ever had has one job and that is to watch the children. I don't want them cleaning up or cooking. Pizza is ordered or children are fed and a treat is made available, other than that they are to play with the children and keep them safe.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

When I have someone watch my children (including my mother or my MIL), I try to give minimal instruction (approximate bed times, no baths, prep dinner beforehand) to make their lives easier. I try to keep in mind that it's a rarity and if they don't get to bed exactly on time or the routine isn't perfect, it's ok as long as they're alive. Honestly, DD loves that there's a break in the routine and someone new to play with! I would do the same (and have done the same) with local teens.

But we've had to be pretty lenient on sitters because as you know, we rely on people very heavily when I travel - I often find people on care.com, check references, etc. but don't actually meet them in person until I show up. I spend 30 minutes in their homes and I always choose people with children the same age as DD so they know what they're getting themselves into. I realize this is not for everyone but I find I cannot worry about the minutiae too much or I will go crazy.

[Deebs]

I think the interview you described is fine. Anything more formal is definitely going to turn them off. We don't do baths with sitters because I my kids don't bathe together anymore, so her supervision would be split. Also, our sitters are incredibly busy. I use a family who has three children of sitting age. Even then, sometimes I just can't get them. Every sitter I've ever hired has told me to just pay them what I want to pay them. I think money is just an uncomfortable topic and they want to make sure you are okay with the pay.

I didn't text before I had babysitters. Now, I have no choice - it's the only way they communicate. We are very good friends with our sitters' parents, and sometimes I'll talk to the mom the same day and she'll have no idea one of them is babysitting that night (though she does always know when they actually do come to sit where they are). As for food, I always say, "as always, please help yourself to anything in the fridge or pantry." If we have an upcoming party or something, I'll tell them specifically if there is off limit food. Even though they know the kids' bedtimes, I leave a note with our cell numbers at the top, time they should eat dinner (if being fed) and what they are eating, time to get jammies on, brush teeth, and read books, and bedtime.

[SuzySunshine]

My sitters also prefer text whether they are high school or college. I think what you're doing is fine. I pay my HS sitters $10/hour (one middle school sitter - the girl across the street I pay $7.50) and my college sitters $15/hour.

Our high school sitters from last year we knew the parents or knew people that knew them. One lived down the street and one was a grand daughter of MIL's friend otherwise I had no interaction with their parents but if we had someone that couldn't drive I would always take them home, not DH.

Our sitters also don't do bath regardless of age but we also only bathe every 2-3 days so we just work around sitter nights.

[MsSassyBaskets]

When I was babysitting loooong, long ago, I did baths, bedtimes, meals etc. if needed. I took whatever they offered to pay, but if it was really low I wouldn't sit for them again if I had better plans/options. I appreciated it when parents left a sheet of emergency info and gave instructions or tips on bed/bath procedures--every family does things differently-- and where to find needed items. Definitely give instructions about what is OK and not OK, like "please keep your phone put away unless there's an emergency--the boys are very active and you need to keep your eyes on them at all times". The only other interview question I can think of is whether they have learned infant/child Heimlich and CPR. When I was 14 or so I took a community class at the library to learn those things. But that might be expecting a lot...

[Phoebe]

Our typical babysitters are college-aged or nurses from the NICU. We have started having some more high school girls, but they typically want a social life or have school activities keeping them busy. We text them for contact and I have never interacted with their parents unless I already know them. The only thing constituting an interview would be when we first speak with them. I have never hired anyone unless we knew them through word-of-mouth. I might be able to find more babysitters if I used a website like care.com. We rarely get sitters though which is unfortunate.

[Thirteen]

My babysitter is either ST, ST's husband, or ST's sister. I'm a little overprotective.