Help me get my kids to help out around the house!

[PrincessFiona]

I swear my house is such a mess! I just can't motivate myself to clean it up. My kiddos don't help out enough and I know that my work will quickly be undone by the teenagers. :/ I've lost all motivation! My house is in a "don't answer for the UPS guy" state. Instead of cleaning up today, I laid on the sofa and switched between MSNBC and FOX news and played on my phone ... for 4 hours ... ahem. I just can't clean this stinkin' house anymore. I feel like it's so cluttered and that the harder I work ... well, the harder I work. The house never stays clean. ever.

There is just SO much to do. How do you guys motivate your kids to help? The laundry in this house alone makes me just want to hide. Thomas and I are responsible for washing/drying/folding and putting away. If we leave it to our kids to put away their stuff, things get left out on the bed/floor and find their way back to the laundry. It takes so much effort/energy to police them that it's easier to do myself ... and they know this. I try to make them responsible for chores, but they just don't do them. I feel like I''m just so exhausted ... and I've fallen so far behind ... that I just can't do it. I feel so deflated about the state of our house.

[Ladybug]

It feels pointless to clean here too. It's undone in nanoseconds. I don't want to spend all my time harping and yelling at them to do it either because that puts me in a bad (worse) emotional place. I feel like my kids are generally good kids, but they so messy. I was terrible when I was younger so I'm pretty sure it karma…or immature prefrontal cortexes.

I just get so distracted from one room to the next. I do better if I keep myself in one room until it's completely straightened. I'll give kids separate rooms to clean because they'll start fighting if they are in the same room.

[Pollyanna]

Lol, our place is a mess on a regular basis. When we look at everyone's schedules and homework load regular chores are unrealistic. Their first job is to be good people and then good students. I just won't make an issue of a messy room, there are far bigger fish to fry.

I do the laundry and separate it to baskets for each kid. They put it away or not. They know if I find clean clothes in the laundry again I won't wash any of their items so it behooves them to monitor themselves.

We've pretty much settled on no regular chores but when you are asked to help out you are expected to do so quickly and with a happy heart. At the same time if a child has a ton if homework or is getting ready for an exam I don't ask them to do the dishes (or the like). We try to create a mutually respectful environment.

[Ladybug]

I keep my office at work really clean and organized. I just decorated it, but haven't decorated my house. It's my one, controllable personal space in the world. The house and the car are family property and messy.

Can you carve out one work space for yourself in the house, Kris? I know my environment does impact my stress level. Thankfully, I spend most of my day at my office.

I have a nice office space at home too that I try to keep clean for me. It's about 50/50. As I sit here and type it's a disaster. The kids keep printing coloring pages here.

[Sheherezade]

The only chore strategy that ever worked for me was Sunday Chores. I made a list of the things they had to do: change their sheets, empty trash, vacuum, take laundry down, put new laundry away. They managed that - but it was kind of directed in that they had to do that day, there was a list and I was also cleaning.

I do the same as Tara with laundry.

My house is also mostly a mess, cluttered with crap and I am so over it. Add to that that I hate to cook. And grocery shop.

But I did decorate for Christmas and I've bought most of my gifts.

I'm hanging on to the small victories!

BTW, your day sounds fabulous to me....

[Deebs]

I actually think the myth of the perfect house, family, life is making us all crazy. I have friends whose houses look great nearly always. They have one or no children. I love when my house is clean, but love even more that I have friends who let me know it doesn't matter.


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[mommax3]

Help me get my kids to help out around the house!

My kids do their own laundry (youngest with some supervision) or it doesn't get done. Period. I have someone come and clean every other week. Dishes are done by whoever is handy, same with trash. DH cannot stand clutter, so everybody puts their stuff away when they go to bed. Really, with all of us out of the house for 10-12 hours a day and tired when we are there, not too much mess gets made. (Vacations and summers are a different story, though.)

ETA: 1) my housekeeping standards aren't very high, and 2) my messiest child doesn't live at home anymore!

[diggitydot]

Help me get my kids to help out around the house!

Our house certainly isn't any bastion of cleanliness, but here's how we divvy things up:

- DD1 (18 y/o) is responsible for loading and unloading the dishwasher, hand washing the few dishes that can't go into the dishwater, and wiping down kitchen counters.

- DD2 (almost 14 y/o) sweeps all tile everyday and mops as needed.

- DS (11 y/o) picks up his bedroom for 10 minutes and takes the recycling out to the garage and separates it everyday.

- The girls do some of their own washing/drying of clothes if they didn't get it into the laundry baskets for me to do.

- Every few days the kids clean out litter boxes and dog poop out of the yard.

- Kids all pick up and/or scrub their bathrooms as needed. Usually, once a week on the weekends.

- I do the rest.

- After I wash and fold laundry, they all put it all away. They know I'll spot check to make sure it's actually away and not just whenever they felt like setting it down. They put my and DH's clothes on our bed.

It takes some nagging and quite a bit of checking up at first, but eventually our kids figured out that they can't do anything fun until homework and chores are finished completely and accurately. Half-assed chores don't count and they get to do it over when they fuck it off. DD1 has been doing the dishes in some way since she was 9 y/o (began by just unloading the plastic items and putting them away) and she still occasionally has to be reminded which dishes aren't dishwasher safe and to not just toss the storage containers into the cabinet willy-nilly.

I am not a clean freak in any sense of the word, but I married a guy who didn't even KNOW how to clean. I don't want the kids to become adults who don't know how to do basic things like dishes, laundry, or cooking.

[peggyfromwastate]

I swear my house is such a mess! I just can't motivate myself to clean it up. My kiddos don't help out enough and I know that my work will quickly be undone by the teenagers. :/ I've lost all motivation! My house is in a "don't answer for the UPS guy" state. Instead of cleaning up today, I laid on the sofa and switched between MSNBC and FOX news and played on my phone ... for 4 hours ... ahem. I just can't clean this stinkin' house anymore. I feel like it's so cluttered and that the harder I work ... well, the harder I work. The house never stays clean. ever.

There is just SO much to do. How do you guys motivate your kids to help? The laundry in this house alone makes me just want to hide. Thomas and I are responsible for washing/drying/folding and putting away. If we leave it to our kids to put away their stuff, things get left out on the bed/floor and find their way back to the laundry. It takes so much effort/energy to police them that it's easier to do myself ... and they know this. I try to make them responsible for chores, but they just don't do them. I feel like I''m just so exhausted ... and I've fallen so far behind ... that I just can't do it. I feel so deflated about the state of our house.

Total tangent---- I love watching Fox News and msnbc or sometimes cnn at the same time--- it fascinates me how the news crawl is worded so differently and how different the spin is. I think everyone who bashes one or the other should try this-- it's really instructive!!

Anyhooo. I have given up on getting my teenage dd to clean her room. I shut the door. Every so often she will clean it (and spend like 8 hours lol) but other than that... Pigsty. I'm sorry for her future roommate.

And the other kids--- I have let the stuffed animals take over. I swear the boys have more stuffed animals on their bed than I think I even knew we owned. And there are stuffed animals all over the floor of the girls room. Whoever invented pillow pets needs to be locked away on an island inhabited by 100000 pillow pets. I'll send 20 from my house. These stuffed animals reproduce every time I look away.

Dd5s you boxes are filled with random drawings, broken pencils, pieces of erasers, and various items of Barbie clothing. All mixed together. And the F***ING tiny Polly pocket Disney figures. Holy cow.

I have given up the organizational fight. I just can't. We move in 6 months, and I'll have to deal with the mess eventually, but right now I just can not.

The kids are just as happy to live in chaos. And dh doesn't see it either. So my solution is to make my room peaceful and uncluttered as possible... And just willfully ignore the rest.

A word to the parents of younger kids-- if they say they want to collect pillow pets, say "no." Seriously. Get them a dog or a hamster or a fish. Anything but pillow pets.

We haven't actually BOUGHT any... The grandparents and the aunt and the friends have... And the kids have bought them when using their own birthday money. Ugh. Sob.

Nothing but commiseration for you kris.

[peggyfromwastate]

Our house certainly isn't any bastion of cleanliness, but here's how we divvy things up:



- DS (11 y/o) picks up his bedroom for 10 minutes and takes the recycling out to the garage and separates it everyday.

DD--- Can I just say kudos to you??? I don't know if you get recycling service out there in BFE, but my parents do not and they do not recycle. The whole town if Yakima doesn't have recycling and no one recycles. You are some kind of tree hugging left winged maniac if you recycle. I do not get it. Do you have to take your stuff to the recycling plant? Or do they actually have a pick up service in your community?

[diggitydot]

DD--- Can I just say kudos to you??? I don't know if you get recycling service out there in BFE, but my parents do not and they do not recycle. The whole town if Yakima doesn't have recycling and no one recycles. You are some kind of tree hugging left winged maniac if you recycle. I do not get it. Do you have to take your stuff to the recycling plant? Or do they actually have a pick up service in your community?

Nope, no recycling services in this county. We load up our recycling bins into the car and take it all to the next valley over where they have a great recycling station. We do it about once a month and donate about $20 for the service. If we wanted to stay in town and drop things off at various drop boxes, we could. It's just easier to take it to one spot.

Even though it's further away and over a mountain pass, it actually takes the same amount of time as if we ran all over town. We also usually stop and grab a coffee at the Blue Star roasters coffee shop if we're there in the morning or we stop off at the pub for an ah-mazing lunch/dinner if it's later in the day.

[OrionGrad]

No recycling?!? Living in Portland, I can't imagine that. My parents always laugh when they come visit because we have 6 different recycling/trash bins outside.

[diggitydot]

No recycling?!? Living in Portland, I can't imagine that. My parents always laugh when they come visit because we have 6 different recycling/trash bins outside.

East side of the mountains is a completely different world.

[Vishenka69]

Kris, I was sitting on the couch and playing with my phone when I read your FB status, while contemplating a sink full of dishes and 3 loads of laundry. I also kind of given up on getting the house to look like it did pre-kids.

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[spotty_dog]

I think I should take a photo of my house after the kids go to bed. I anticipate it will be pretty horrifying -- and I only have two at home! We have a cardboard box hideout in one part of the living room, library books and chess and old teacups covering the coffee table, paper bag masks and scraps of paper from cutting the paper bags littering the couch, snacks and dinner makings left out in the kitchen, clothes in the process of being folded decorate the dining table, dining chairs are pulled out to form a...fort? Several jackets are strewn on various surfaces including the floor. And the inevitable Lego everywhere.

Fortunately or unfortunately, DH prefers a tidy surrounding, and he'll be home between 10pm and 2am. So if I don't get the kids to cooperate and help me tidy before bed (I likely won't) I have to commit to about an hour of decluttering after bedtime. I listen to my iPod and just putter, going from most to least urgent, until things are sorta presentable. It's not ideal but it works for now.

But for keeping the kids involved, we find two things helpful (at these young ages). One is allowance and the other is having a place for everything. We recently organized the Legos and DS was able to pick up his play room in about 8 minutes last night. And today is technically payday for allowance, we don't have specific chores but the kids know if they haven't been particularly helpful they won't earn allowance. So just saying, "Before allowance, it'd be helpful if..." (you put away clothes, put away silverware, picked up library books, etc.) can get some work done with minimal hassle.

Good luck!! Cleaning house with kids at home is like shoveling snow in the middle of a blizzard!