Ogre Mom

[Phoebe]

I feel so mean! I am trying to teach my daughter some consequences for her actions. She has been pushing the limits lately by deliberately doing the opposite of what I ask of her. I know she understands what I am saying so I struggle with her behavior. I haven't found the best way to teach/discipline her negative actions and I have tried to pick my battles. There are two things she does that really frustrate me. The worst is that she runs away from us whenever we are trying to leave somewhere or get in the car. Getting her coat on and loading up the car is a task because of having her and the car seat. The other day I tried to put the baby in the car first, told Avery to stand next to me and she ran away from me across a busy and snowy parking lot. I try to hold her hand and she slumps herself down on the pavement or floor to keep from walking with me.

We have tried time outs and taking away privledges. She thinks it is a big joke when I discipline her. I am at a loss of how to get through to her to keep her safe and get her to listen to her parents. DH is a big softy so I feel like the bad guy around the house. I don't want our child to try into the one everyone talks about who is a terror. Anyone been through this? Have any suggestions for books or advice on this topic?

Jennifer

[SueC]

Jennifer,
I can so identify with you! I don't have any new suggestions, unfortunately. It is tricky when you've got a carseat and a toddler and they KNOW you are kind of at their mercy. Aside from the leash, or carting the two of them around in a stroller (which sounds like a huge PITA in my opinion), I'm at a loss. The only other thing I can think of is putting the baby in a snugli to free up both of your hands to deal with her (also sounds like a PITA, especially in the middle of winter). If it's any consolation, she will outgrow this phase.
I felt like an ogre last night, though the situation was totally different. I tried to get Sydney to eat dinner last night and all she did was mess around. About an hour later, I sat her at the table again and once again she didn't eat. Another hour passed and as soon as I was tucking her into bed she decided she wanted to eat her food. I didn't even give her a snack, just a sip of water. She of course cried, and made me feel like a neglectful mother, but I didn't want to start a trend by letting her finagle staying up later to eat.
Two is a trying age, that's for sure. Good luck, I hope you are able to come up with something that will work for you!

[houseelf]

Jennifer,

You mean that this sort of thing happens in your house too?

I should let you know that I came close to writing a huge post about how hard parenting and how I feel like I am failing some of the time. Everything is a huge battle of the wills right now. Part of me gets ticked off at myself for not just embracing my kid where he is at right now. How many stupid parenting advice books have I read and I still get ticked off when he doesn't listen or pay attention. Hello, he just turned four this weekend...I need to develop more appropriate expectations instead of feeling like his normal preschool behavior is some sort of failure on both of our parts.

I find myself yelling and feeling crappy about it. I'm not always the parent that I feel like I should be. The other night he had Captain Crunch for dinner because I was too tired to force the "eat your vegetables" yet one more night. Maybe he has figured out that he can wear me down.

On one hand, I'm exasperated that he can't pay attention in class like his peers and that he insists on running around any public place whooping like an Indian. On the other hand, I'm overjoyed and fiercely proud of his buoyant, happy go-lucky attitude or the fact that he tells me that the best part of his day is getting to be with me. I know that I just need to step back and truly realize that his energy and current power struggles are all part of who he is and where he is at in development. But there are times when I'm so frustrated I just yell "LISTEN TO ME"!!!

Last time we talked, you asked how in the world did I possibly manage to run a marathon with everything else going on in my life. After much thought about this comment, I have to say, running a marathon is 10,000 times easier than cajoling a child to sit on the potty, catching the vomit of a sick kid when you are physically exhausted, trying to convince a child to try a new food, etc. At least in marathoning it is only a few hours of pain and sacrifice. Parenting presents a million unforeseen challenges a day and there are no clear answers. Long story short, don't sell yourself short. If you are a parent, you understand what it takes.

Part of me is beginning to think that although there are militant parenting factions out there, there are several ways to parent effectively with no one clear answer. Now, if I can just believe that I have everything in me that my chilld needs, I'll be alright. I guess that this is the challenge we all face.

You are not alone and that this is damn hard work. We love our kids so much that it becomes all consuming. May we all be able to step back and just enjoy the process.

Kelly

Oh, Jennifer. I read your post with this warm little lump of baby sitting on my chest and I think....good God, I'm going to go through the 2's again.
It really is a frustrating time. They are able to do so much physically, understand a lot of what you're saying....but the impulse control and self-management just isn't there yet. I guess that is where we come in.
My solution to this will probably fall under the PITA category too. When Bryn would refuse to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would carry her (she was in a prefer to be walking stage). But not easy to do with a baby.
As far as the general discipline stuff...I would say just stick with it. Bryn went through a "I laugh at your attempt to discipline me" stage that just about drove me nuts. I would put her in time out and when it was time for her to get up -- she would just stay there saying that she wanted to stay in time out a little longer. That is just one of many examples that comes to mind. She did eventually stop doing that and time out again became an effective tool with her.
What do we do when they are teenagers? 8O

[Michele]

What do we do when they are teenagers?

Smack the stuffing out of 'em?